Prison Guard: Meet your roommate.
Cellmate: Hiya, pal. They put two harmless white collar criminals in the same cell.
Mr. Burns: What luck. I was afraid you'd be some tattooed bruiser.
Cellmate: Well, they don't turn out too many of those at Dartmouth.
Mr. Burns: (pounding on gate) Dartmouth?! Get me away from this hideous brute at once. At once! Do you hear me?!
Cellmate: Got my Master's from the University of Virginia, the public Ivy.