Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Martin Prince, Sherri, Terri and others
Homer can be seen wearing the Tom Landry hat he bought in the season 8 episode "You Only Move Twice" while he is coaching the team. Tom Landry was a coach for the Dallas Cowboys.
We learn that Homer was a great gymnast back in high school, but failed because Abe Simpson didn't believe in him.
Before Nelson hikes the ball, he yells "5F03! Hike!" 5F03 is the production code for this episode.
Syndicated versions cut the part after Bart is pushed in the mud by Nelson where Ralph says "You're going to heaven".
Syndication cuts the first part of the Kwik-E-Mart scene where Bart plays a video game called "Cat Fight" where teenaged girls beat each other up ("I'll scratch you" "The hair!" "Slut!" "Loser!")
Homer cuts Martin from the team but in later scenes he is still there
When Homer bought the Beer and Skittles he had money but just a few minutes ago Nelson stole his wallet.
Lenny: (about Homer) Wow! He's Dy-No-Myte!
Marge: Ooh! What's his name again?
Hank Hill: (to Peggy) We drove 2000 miles for this?
Ned: Ralph, you're on special teams.
Ralph: I'm special!
Marge: Wow, Homer coaching in the championship game! You must be pretty proud of your son!
Abe: You'd think so, wouldn't you! (falls asleep)
Bart: So if I play, the guys are gonna kill me. If I don't, I'll be letting Homer down. What am I gonna do?
Lisa: Well, I know you don't wanna disappoint dad, but how do you feel about lying to him?
Bart: It's gonna take a miracle for me to become a good quarterback!
Joe Namath: Excuse me, son.
Bart: Wow! Joe Namath!
Joe Namath: That's right. My car broke down in front of your house.
Bart: I cannot believe you are here! Do you think maybe you could give me some pointers?
Joe Namath: Sure! There's only one thing you need to know to be a great quarterback.
Mrs Namath: Joe, honey, I fixed it! It was just vapor lock!
Joe Namath: OK, look, I've gotta run. Remember what I told you!
Ned: Good luck, Homer. No hard feelings!
Homer: Not so easy to keep your mouth shut now, is it, Flanders?
(in the car)
Bart: But I can't play quarterback! I don't even know how!
Homer: Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me. Now, how about that hug?
(Homer hugs Bart)
Bart: Dad! The car!
Lisa: I got it.
Homer: My father never believed in me! I'm not gonna make the same mistake. From now on I'm gonna be kinder to my son and meaner to my dad.
Marge: You shouldn't pressure Bart like that.
Homer: Well, if you know a better way for me to live through your son, then I'd like to hear it.
Marge: You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.
Homer: Fun, too.
Homer: Hey, Flanders! You're the worst coach this team has ever had!
Marge: He's the only coach this team has ever had… and the season hasn't even started yet!
Homer: Yeah, well… he's wearing that hat like an idiot.
(The kids play their first game)
Ned: Who are we?
Kids: The Wildcats!
Ned: Who are we gonna beat?
Kids: The Wildcats!
Lisa: What position have you got for me?
(The kids gasps)
Lisa: That's right. A girl who wants to play football. How about that?
Ned: Well, thats super-duper, Lisa. We've already got four girls on the team.
Lisa: You do?
Ned: Uh huh. But we'd love to have you on board!
Lisa: Well...football's not really my thing. After all...what kind of civilized person would play a game with the skin of an innocent pig?!
Ned: Well, actually, Lisa, these balls are synthetic!
Janey: And for every ball you buy, a dollar goes to Amnesty International!
Lisa: (Crying) I've gotta go!
Ned: A little higher, Wendell. (another throw) A lot higher, Martin. (another throw) Ralph, that's a basketball..(next throw hits Flanders hard) OK! Nelson's our quarterback.
Nelson: Thanks, four-eyes.
Todd: We don't have to play football, do we, daddy?
Ned: Ho ho ho, you betcha. Team sports will keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls.
Rod and Todd: Yaaay!
Kent: This reporter's opinion is for our lard-laden lads to shape up. Get out and try fun activities like military service, frenetic dancing, or good old fashioned pee-wee football.
Homer: There you go, Bart! Pee-wee football will melt away those unsightly pounds and inches.
Bart: Yeah, but I could get seriously hurt!
Homer: Then it's settled.
Marge: Now, make no mistake. When I say "first aid" I'm not talking about some sort of...charity rock concert. (Laughs at her own joke) I'm talking about treating serious injuries! (The crowd laughs loudly)
Krusty: Serious injuries! (Writes it down) Ooh, that's gold!
Dr. Hibbert: Your cholesterol level is lethally high, Homer, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.
Homer: Now, wait a second! You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!
Dr. Hibbert: You're a little confused!
Homer: Oh, confused, would we?
(Homer calls a play using an electronic football game for some guidance.)
Homer: Hold on I'm working it out... Okay, half of you vibrate that way, two of you fall down. Nelson, you just spin around in a circle.
Smithers: Well that's the end of the girls' exercise… Now let's bring on the men!
(Lisa shouts in frustration after accidentally falling down on the stairs.)
Homer: You're not gonna make the team with that kinda attitude.
Lisa: I don't want to make the team!
Homer: Then why are you running the obstacle course?
Homer: Flaaanders… Flaaaaaanders…
Ned: WHAT! What is it!!!
Homer: Game's out there! Hahaha made you look!
Bart: Okay Milhouse let's try out the new cup.
Milhouse: (Kicks again)
Milhouse: (Kicks again and again)
Marge: Milhouse! Stop that!
Marge: He's going to need, uh… you know, protection.
Guy: Sure… one helmet coming up.
Marge: I was thinking more of… protection… down there
Guy: Oh, why didn't you say so? Knee pads. You got it.
Marge: (very laughs nervously) I'm talking about his personal area.
Guy: Ah ha. Say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulder pads.
Marge: Look, I want a cup
Guy: Cup, could you spell that?
Marge: Cee Yuu Pee I wanna Cee Yu…oh my god!
Lisa: Hey tubby! Want another Pop Tart tubby?
Bart: I'm comfortable with who I am.
Homer: You're a disgrace to this family!
Maude Flanders: Okay gentlemen, I want you to raise your hand when you hear the tone…
Crazy Old Man: You can't tell me what to do!
(The tone gets louder and louder until a deafening screech is heard)
Abe: Nothing yet!
Homer: Hey Apu, you got that new beer with candy floating in it… Skittlebrau?
Apu: No such product exists sir. You must have dreamt it.
Homer: Well then, just gimme a six pack and a bag of Skittles.
(Bart walks over to Homer, pretending he is injured.)
Bart: I got bad news for you, Dad.
Homer: Oh, your mother is not pregnant, is she?
(Homer praises Bart for his play and the rallying of the troops, failing to realize his son's mistakes resulted in a lopsided loss.)
Homer: Hey everybody! Lets hear it for Bart!
(Bart's teammates glare at him menacingly.)
Bart: (Meekly) Give me a "B"?
Nelson: I won't give you a "B", but I'll tear you a new "A"!
Millhouse: If I wasn't your friend, I'd tell you, you sucked!
Terri: You ruined our undefeated season! You ruined everything! Ruiner! (whispers) My sister likes you!
(Nelson grabs Bart by the jersey.)
Nelson: Listen here daddy's boy. You cost us one more game and you're dead.
(Nelson shoves Bart face first into the mud.)
Ralph: You're going to heaven!
(On the phone)
Mr. Burns: Ahoy hoy!
Homer: Mr. Burns, this is Homer J. Simpson, the father of the big quitter. Well, I just wanted to tell you, I'm a big quitter too and I quit!
Marge: Homer… Mr. Burns can't see you winking…
Homer: So…? Ahhhhh!!
Wolfcastle: What's the matter? You can't do one sit-up?
Uter: I loved your last movie Mr. Wolfcastle?
Wolfcastle: Quit stalling fatty.
Homer: (to Nelson) How does your arm feel?
Homer: Then take this note to the ref, telling him we forfeit.
Rod's number is 66 and Todd's was 6. Homer announces that Bart is the new quarterback they are standing next to each other making 666, the sign of the beast.
This is Uter's last speaking appearence.
Homer cuts kids from the team in a heartless and hilarious way. Then over the end credits he cuts everyone who works on the show, except for Joe Namath.
Hank Hill and his family (and neighbours) from fellow animated comedy King of the Hill make a cameo appearance in this episode (though only Hank has dialogue, and one line at that). Also note is that they are drawn their usual pink, not with Simpson's yellow skin.
Blackboard Joke: I did not invent Irish dancing.
Couch Gag: Everyone sits on the couch and gets crushed into a cube as if they were in an auto-crusher.
Bart: "It's clobberin' time."
This is the catchphrase of Ben Grimm/ The Thing from the Fantastic Four comics.
Hank Hill: We drove 2,000 miles for this?
Hank Hill is the main character off another FOX animated comedy, King of the Hill.
The title comes from the name of the legendary Green Bay Packers' quarterback, Bart Starr. When he played in the history-making game called the Ice Bowl, he ran from the opponents (The Dallas Cowboys) one yard line to score a touchdown with seconds remaning winning the NFL championship for the Packers and sending them to Superbowl 2 againist the Raiders.
User Score: 1516
User Score: 3796
User Score: 12030
User Score: 6814
User Score: 5699
User Score: 2913
User Score: 1367
User Score: 1011
User Score: 616
User Score: 579
User Score: 569
User Score: 561
User Score: 443
User Score: 409
User Score: 390
User Score: 372
User Score: 326
User Score: 298
User Score: 289
User Score: 279