The Simpsons Season 7 Episode 15

Bart: Mom, I just saw Krusty!
Marge: Yes, dear, in your mind.
Bart: No, on the street.
Marge: On the street in your mind.
Bart: Why won't you believe me?
Marge: Sweetheart, sometimes when people die, you just want them to be alive so badly you see them everywhere. I went through the same thing when Lyndon Johnson died.

Krusty: But I love that plane! I used to fly to Vegas in it with Dean Martin. One time we were flyin' in it, and the moon hit his eye like a big pizza pie! We wrote a song about it! But it ended up infringing on one he recorded years before.

Krusty: Oh, my beloved pornography! I can't watch this anymore. I'm going to bed.
Auctioneer: How much for Krusty's bed?
Moe: Half a buck.
Auctioneer: Sold!
Moe: Good night everybody!
Crowd: Good night Moe!

Bart: Krusty's my hero. How could I do this to him?
Lisa: It's a tragedy for all us kids, but Bart, you can't beat yourself up.
Bart: Yeah. There'll be plenty of people to do that for me at recess tomorrow.

Milhouse: A million dollars? Gee, thanks Bart, I owe you one.
Bart: That's a postdated check, remember. Don't cash it 'till the year 10,000.
Milhouse: Okay! (looks at his watch)

Man: …and your future is far more thrilling than any roller coaster.
Bart: Really? Wow, I should have started a long time ago!
Man: Mm-hmm. Now sign these forms. I'm sure you'll find them more interesting than a weekend with Batman.

Marge: You'll feel better knowing your money's in the hands of professionals.
Clerk: (wearing an ape mask) Uk, uk, are you folks ready to go ape?
Lisa: Mom…
Marge: A professional in an ape mask is still a professional.

Marge: What are you gonna spend your money on, kids?
Bart: There's a special down at the Tacomat… a hundred tacos for a hundred dollars. I'm gonna get that.
Lisa: I'm going to contribute my money to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
Marge: Tacos? Public broadcasting?

Krusty: I can't go to jail! I got a swanky lifestyle. I'm used to the best.
IRS Guy: Krusty, this is America. We don't send our celebrities to jail. We're just going to garnish your salary.
Krusty: Garnish my celery?!
IRS Guy: Please, Krusty, no jokes!
Krusty: Who's Joking?! Oh, I don't understand what you're saying, it all sounds so crazy to me.

(Bart stands at the bank teller's window at closing time.)
Bank Teller: Sorry, the bank is--Oh, kid! Gosh, I meant to tell ya. Turns out Krusty is one of the biggest tax cheats in the history and they nailed him, all thanks to you.
(Bart gasps)
Bank Teller: Some might say you're a hero, kid. Not me, however. I love Krusty.

Chief Wiggum: Okay, folks. Show's over. Nothing to see here. Show's… (sees plane crash) OH, MY GOD!!! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody! Get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on! Crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy; crowd around!

Troy McClure: I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such celebrity funerals as "Andre the Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye," and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn a Stooge."

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.

Homer: Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now, laughing it up with all the other celebrities...John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin...I wish I were dead.

(At IRS Burger, formerly Krusty Burger)
Homer: Um, I'll have four tax burgers, one IRS-wich, withhold the lettuce, three defendant-sized sodas, and a FICA-cino.