The Simpsons

Season 1 Episode 2

Bart the Genius

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Jan 14, 1990 on FOX



  • Quotes

    • (Bart reads a math problem aloud from his aptitude test)

      Bart: "At 7:30 a.m., an express train traveling 60 miles an hour leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix, 520 miles away..." (chews his pencil)

      Mrs. Krabappel: Shh! (points to her forehead) Visualize it, Bart!

      Bart: (pauses, then continues reading in his head) "At the same time, a local train traveling 30 miles an hour and carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe. It's eight cars long and always carries the same number of passengers in each car. An hour later a number of passengers equal to half the number of minutes past the hour get off, but three times as many plus six get on. At the second stop, half the passengers plus two get off, but twice as many get on as got on at the first stop."

      (As he reads, Bart visualizes, in black-and-white, himself on a train, surrounded by numbers and getting trampled by other passengers. Then a conductor taps him on the shoulder)

      Conductor: Ticket, please.

      Bart: I don't have a ticket!

      Conductor: Come with me, boy.

      (He drags Bart to the front of the train)

      Conductor: (to the engineer) We've got a stowaway, sir.

      Bart: I'll pay! How much?

      (The engineer turns out to be Martin Prince, shoveling numbers into the engine)

      Martin: Twice the fare from Tucson to Flagstaff, minus two-thirds of the fare from Albuquerque to El Paso. (laughs evilly)

      (Bart sees Principal Skinner spraying graffiti and laughing evilly at him, before the train he's on crashes into another, throwing him into the air... and back to reality, lying on his back on the classroom floor)

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