The Simpsons Season 6 Episode 16

Conover: Well, it's too late to merely pay back the money, but as a sign of good faith to our Australian friends, we'd like to imprison Bart for five years.
Homer: (thinks briefly) That's tough but fair. Boy, go with the man.
Marge: (picks up Bart) No, no, no! No! I'm not going to have my son go to jail over some silly tiff with Australia. You'll just have to find some other country to have relations with.
Conover: You're sure, now? The prison train is sailing. (Marge hugs Bart tighter) OK, I'm not hearing a lot of support for prison.
(Bart is sitting on Marge's lap)
Conover: There is one other option. They'll drop the charges if Bart makes a public apology in Australia.
Homer: All Bart has to do is apologize and we get a free trip to Australia?
Conover: Mm, hmm.
Bart: (gets off Marge's lap) I can handle that. I'm an expert at phony apologies.
Marge: (reproachful) Bart!
Bart: (with phony sincerity) I'm sorry.
Marge: That's better.
Bart: Heh heh heh…

Homer: Are we going to be landing on an aircraft carrier?
Pilot: No, the nearest Navy vessel is the USS Walter Mondale... It's a laundry ship.

(Looking at a globe)
Bart: So that means if you're in Argentina or ... Rand McNally, everything's backwards?
Lisa: Yes. In fact, in Rand McNally they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Bart: Cool!

(In the Australian Embassy)
Homer: Boy, do think next year you could get indicted in Orlando, Florida?
Bart: Way ahead of you.

Homer: When will you Australians learn? In America, we stopped using corporal punishment, and things have never been better! The streets are safe. Old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys. And the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, because, as the old saying goes, "Let your children run wild and free."

Homer: Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places?
Homer's Brain: Quiet, it might be you! I can't remember.
Homer: Naw, I'm going to ask Marge.
Homer's Brain: No, no! Why embarrass us both Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins.
(Homer starts to scribble a check then ...)
Homer: (sighs)

Milhouse: Hey, Bart! The bakery caught fire and all of downtown smells like cookies! Wanna go smell?
Bart: Yes... Yes, I do.

Lisa: I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.

(Bart playing with pocket knife)
Australian Man: You call that a knife? This is a knife.
(pulls out a spoon)
Bart: That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
Australian Man: Alright, alright, you win. I see you've played knifey-spooney before.

Bart: Do the toilets go backwards in here?
Man in U.S Embassy: No. To combat home sickness, we've installed a device that makes them swirl the correct American way.
(Flushes toilet. Machine kicks in and water swirls the other way)
Homer: (weeping, singing) Sweet land of liberty...

Homer: Are you like one of those English guards who can't laugh or smile or anything?
(Homer makes faces and hops around; the guard punches him in the face)
Guard: No sir! US Marine Corps sir!

Bart: Mom, Dad, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: That's no reason to block the TV.

Marge: I would just like a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer it is.
Marge: No, coffee.
Bartender: Beer?
Marge: Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C-o . . .
Bartender: B-e . . .

Evan Conover: As I'm sure you'll remember in the late 1980s the United States experienced a short-lived infatuation with Australian culture...(shows slides) ...for some bizarre reason, the Aussies thought this would be a permanent thing. Of course, it wasn't.
(one slide shows an abandoned theater whose banner reads: "Yahoo Serious Festival")
Lisa: I know those words, but that sign doesn't make any sense.

Homer: (looking at Uruguay on the globe) Look at this country. U-r-gay.