Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
The boy at the library that Lisa likes is now Jessica's new boyfriend.
Goof: Bart's calendar shows April has 31 days and May has 30. It's actually the other way around.
Lisa: Remember Bart-I mean Dances in Underwear. We take the white man alive.
Bart: All right, Thinks Too Much. It shall be so.
(Homer puts a coupon in the collection plate)
Marge: 30 cents off Shake n' Bake… Homer!
Homer: We can spare it, Marge. We've been blessed.
Sunday School Teacher: (sees Bart, gasps) Bart Simpson?
Bart: Yes, ma'am. I'd like to return to your wonderful Sunday school, please.
Teacher: (nervous) Uh, but Bart, we banned you from Sunday school. You were happy, we were happy, everybody was happy…particularly the hamster.
(The hamster cowers in fear)
Bart: Uh, I should get to class.
Jessica: What's the hurry?
Bart: We could get in trouble for being late.
Jessica: Aw, you worry too much! (suggestively) Now come on, if you stay here a while, I'll let you hold my hand.
(She and Bart do so, next to a fire alarm pull station, which Jessica uses Bart's hand to set off the alarm system.)
Jessica: (laughs) Teamwork! C'mon, Bart. (runs off with him)
(Kids and teachers evacuate the building in a panic as a fire truck arrives. Groundskeeper Willie pushes through the crowd.)
Groundskeeper Willie: If I don't save the wee turtles, who will?
(Kicks down the science lab door and runs in, seconds later he comes out with little turtles nipping on him as he rolls around on the ground in agony.)
Groundkeeper Willie: Yah! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me! Aaagh!
Lisa: Bart, we can't just let her get away with this.
Bart: Give it up, Lis: she's a criminal mastermind. She's got 108 IQ, she reads at a fifth grade level, and... (sighs) her hair smells like red Fruit Loops.
Lisa: (threatening) Yeah? Well I eat Fruit Loops for breakfast.
Bart: Why the crap do we have to go to church anyway?
Marge: You just answered that question with your commode mouth. Besides, you kids need to learn morals, decency, and how to love your fellow man.
(cut to Rev. Lovejoy)
Reverend Lovejoy: …And with flaming swords the Aramites did pierce the eyes of their fellow men, and did feast on what flowed forth…
Marge: Bart, Lisa, time for church!
Luanne Van Houten: Milhouse, time for church!
Guy: Shlomo, time for your violin lesson!
Lisa: Doesn't the Bible teach us "Judge not lest ye be judged," Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: I think it may be somewhere towards the back.
Lisa: There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. After much soul searching I decided it would be wrong of me to name names, but I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward to confess and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell.
Principal Skinner: I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!
Grampa: I was the one who cancelled Star Trek.
Dr. Hibbert: I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick!
Lisa: I'm talking about the collection money thief: only you can come forward and end this injustice!
(Lisa pauses to wait for Jessica to confess.)
Lisa: Oh, what the heck, it was Jessica Lovejoy.
Reverend Lovejoy: Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word "butt."
Bart: (Struggling to explain) But, but! But, but!
Helen Lovejoy: (Covering her ears) Make him stop! Make him stop!
Jessica Lovejoy: I'm the minister's perfect daughter and you're just yellow trash.
(after finding the empty collection plate in Bart's lap)
Helen Lovejoy: Ah! Everyone turn around and look at this!
(people turn around to look)
Grampa: What is it, a Unitarian?
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
Lisa: She's a sweet kind reverend's daughter, and you're the devil's cabana boy.
Reverend Lovejoy: I guess it's obvious what happened here: Bart Simpson has somehow managed to sneak his bedroom into my house.
Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Homer: Son, if you can look me in the eye and say you didn't take the collection money, it'll be all I need.
Bart: I didn't do it.
Homer: Why you little!
Bart: You're turning me into a criminal when all I want to be is a petty thug!
(Bart's take on Jessica Lovejoy.)
Bart: She's like a Milk dud, Lis'. Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.
Bart: Smart, beautiful, and a liar. So much better than that Sarah, plain and tall!
Bart: Must fight Satan...make it up to him later...
(The children draw pictures in Sunday School)
Sunday School Teacher: Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels.
Bart: Is it my hair, my overbite, the fact that I've worn the same clothes day in, day out for the last four years?
Blackboard Joke: I will not send lard through the mail.
Couch Gag: The room is dark and Homer turns on the light. Above the couch are 5 pairs of eyes. The family puts their heads in and their eyes are on their heads.
Planet of the Apes
The scene where the parents round up their children for church parodies a similar scene from the 1968 film Planet of the Apes.
Silence of the Lambs
After he is accused of stealing the collection plate money, Bart is bound to a dolly with a metal guard over his face just like Hannibal Lecter in the 1991 film Silence of the Lambs and its sequel/prequels.
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