The Simpsons

Cecil: Hello, brother. All's well, I trust? Bob: It most certainly is not. The workmen you've given me don't know their asses from the hole in the ground they blew up yesterday. Cecil: Come now, you speak as if they were nothing but a gaggle of slack-jawed yokels. Cletus: Mister Terwillidjer, come quick. There's trouble down to the See-Ment mixer, sir!

Bob: That was Edna Krabappel. You only get one chance with Edna Krabappel, I hope you're happy. Bart: I won't be happy until I find out what you're up to. Wherever you go and whatever you do, I'll be there watching and waiting. Wiggum: He says that, but I bet he gives up pretty quickly.

Cecil: There it is, the future site of the Springfield hydroelectric dam. Sideshow Bob: Just the thought of all that raw power makes me wonder why the hell I should care. Cecil: Because you'll be supervising the construction crew. Sideshow Bob: Oh, great. I suppose that when a woman passes by, it will be my job to lead in the hooting. "Oh, yeah! Shake it, madam. Capital knockers!"

Krusty: (about Sideshow Bob) That guy's a genius! He's gonna change the way we think about getting hit by pies.

Lovejoy: Oh, that was lovely, Robert. You other cons could benefit from his example. (Inmates mutter angrily.) Bob: Really, Reverend, your praise is going to get me beaten up.

Marge: Oh, you have nothing to worry about, honey. Homer: Your mother's right, Bart. Sure, you're the one who ruined all of Sideshow Bob's criminal schemes… Marge: We're very proud of you, by the way. Homer: …and sure, he's probably so insane with rage that he'd butcher you horribly if he could. Marge: But, he's safely locked away. Homer: In a medium-security prison. Marge: For life! Homer: Unless he gets out somehow. Marge: Which is impossible. Homer: Or so you'd think! Except he's done it so many times before.

Sideshow Bob: Whenever I could find a spare moment I've tried to murder Bart Simpson. (Bart shrieks in terror and runs away.) Homer: He said "tried!" Marge: Hmm, somebody should really go up there and talk to him! (Lisa sighs and gets up) Homer: Phew!

Bart: Don't you see what you've done? Sideshow Bob hasn't reformed, he's pure evil. Oh, if only you knew what he was thinking! Sideshow Bob's Brain: I hope they still make that shampoo I like ...

Krusty: (singing) I slugged some jerk in Tahoe, they gave me one to three, my high-priced lawyer sprung me, on a technicality, I'm just visiting Springfield Prison. I get to sleep at home tonight. (The prisoners are unimpressed) Hey I kid! … I kid cause I love!

Cecil: At last, I get to do what Bob never could - kill Bart Simpson! Bart: By throwing me off a cliff? Isn't that a little crude for a genius like you? Cecil: Oh, I suppose it is. Heh. If anyone asks, I'll lie.

Sideshow Bob: You, saved my life, Bart. Bart: Yeah, I guess this means you can't ever try to kill me again, huh? Sideshow Bob: Oh, I don't know about that. Joking! Joking!

Sideshow Bob: I'm telling you Cecil, I can't take much more of this! Rustic workmen who've turned the saniJohn into a smokehouse! Coveralls that don't quite cover all! And a psychotic little boy who won't stop hounding me!

Bart: He's planning something evil, I know it. It must have something to do with the town's water supply. Milhouse: Maybe he's gonna pee in the river! Bart: Mmm, nah, that's not his style.

Sideshow Bob: You'll never get away with this! Cecil: Who will the police believe did it? Me or the murderous, criminal mastermind? Sideshow Bob: Now, I know Cousin Merle has a few problems, but he is not a--Oh. You were talking about me.

Lisa: Um, do you know what you're doing? Sideshow Bob: Lisa, you don't spend ten years as a homicidal maniac without learning a few things about dynamite.

Sideshow Bob: Oh, come now! You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon lessons? The four years at Clown College? Cecil: I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.

Bart: And God bless Mom and Dad and Lisa and Maggie. And please, God, kill Sideshow Bob. Marge: Bart, no! Bart: It's him or me, O Lord. Marge: You can't ask God to kill someone! Homer: Yeah! You do your own dirty work!

Sideshow Bob: You do know I used to have a..."problem" with trying to kill people? Cecil: (Sarcastically) Goodness, I had no idea. For, you see, I have been on Mars for the last decade. In a cave. With my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears. Sideshow Bob: (Rolling eyes) Touchë.