Marge: Wow, he should have his foot insured by Lloyd's of London.
Homer: (drunk) Oh, you just know what everyone should do, don't you, Marge?

Bart: Milhouse, I can't help you. I am no healer.
(leaves)
Milhouse: Could you tell my Mom I'm here?

Lisa: Bart, I hope you don't believe your own hype.
Bart: Number of miracles performed by Bart: Two. Number of miracles performed by Lisa: Zero.
Lisa: How can you believe all this mumbo-jumbo? The bucket came off Dad's head because the bright lights heated it, causing the metal to expand.
Bart: Heat makes metal expand. Now who's talking mumbo-jumbo?

Bart: Then I said, "I have the power," and the bucket came off.
Ralph: Can you heal me? I can't breathe good and it makes me sleepy.
Bart: I'll give it a whirl. Devil … be gone (slaps Ralph in the head)
Ralph: Ow! (two coins fall out of his nose) My milk money! (milk spills from his nose) And my milk.

Bart: Excuse me, Brother Faith? I've gotta know -- how did you really get the bucket off my Dad's head?
Brother Faith: Well, I didn't, son. You did. God gave you the power.
Bart: Really? Huh. I would think that He would want to limit my power.

Homer: Cure me! Cure me!
Brother Faith: Brother, I sense that you are feeling trapped and desperate.
Homer: Yeah! And I got a bucket on my head.

Homer: I'm beginning to think this alumni party was just a ruse to get our money.
Benjamin: That Dean is going to get an indignant e-mail.
Doug: You should do it with bold, red letters.
Gary: My computer has 512 shades of red.
Homer: Have you nerds forgotten everything I taught you? This calls for a prank.

Marge: He hit the star player!
Lisa: Aw, Dad has the worst luck when he's drinking.

Lisa: Do you have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: I think the veal might have died of loneliness.

Football Announcer: Well, my supply of homespun sayings is lower than a doodlebug in Aunt Tillie's root cellar.

(to the tune of "Time of My Life")
Singers: I had the halftime of my life, and I owe it all to S.U.

Brother Faith: Now let's hear it, for the Holy Spirit, no need to fear it, just revere it.
He works in heaven, that's a twenty four/seven.
That's right - a-check the bible, a-John 2:11.

Homer: Poor guy... he lost his leg.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, no, no. The fans will whoop it up with that tonight -- you know, drink beer out of it and so on -- but, uh, it'll turn up in the morning, and I'll sew it back on.
Marge: Will that really work?
Dr. Hibbert: Well, I assume so... as long as I have Bart's healing powers...
Bart: Why won't anybody listen to me? I don't have any special powers. I am not a healer!
Dr. Hibbert: Fine. More money for me.

Milhouse: Thank you Bart for fixing my vision, now I see with total precision!
Bart:Song's over Milhouse, but you're welcome.

Marge: I tried greasing the bucket with bacon fat but your father kept eating it!
Homer: Can't you try a non delicious fat? (he starts crying) *Ugh* there's no such thing!

Reverend Lovejoy: Perhaps its time to fight razzle with dazzle.
(He gets his guitar and plays it.)
Reverend Lovejoy: Mi--Michael ro--ro--rode--
(The guitar squeaks a high sound.)
Todd: Is he killing that guitar daddy?
Ned: Yes, son.

Bart: (Holding up skateboard) Satan, eat my shorts!
(Crowd cheers)
Bart: (Singing) I was a sinner, a real bad kid.
What thou shalt not, I shalt did.
Neighbor's cat I tried to neuter,
Took a whiz on the school's computer.
Sherri & Terri: He took a whiz, oh, yes he did.
Bart: But now I changed, you can't deny.
Come on up, and testify.
Sherri & Terri: Testify, testify, come on up and testify!
Grampa: My hip's misbehavin'.
(Bart knocks his cane away.)
Grampa: Hey!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Patty: Got a nicotine cravin'.
(Bart slaps away the cigarettes.)
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Professor Frink: Got a cramp in my glavin.
(Bart kicks Frink's rump.)
Professor Frink: Oy!
Bart: Testify!
All: Testify! Testify!
(Bart dramatically holds up two lit Roman candles, one in each hand. The flames shoot off to his sides.)

Ned: Excuse me, neighbor. I couldn't help but notice, you picked pretty much all of my flowers!
Homer: Can't make a float without flowers.
Ned: Oh, sure. But did you have to salt the earth so nothing would ever grow again?
Homer: Heh-heh, heh-heh ... yeah.

Lenny: You're only calling us a cow college cause we were founded by a cow.

Marge: Hmm ... there's a homecoming parade, a cocktail party ...
Homer: And the big game between Springfield U and Springfield A&M. I hate Springfield U soooo much!
Lisa: You went to Springfield U. You hate A&M.
Homer: Soooo much!

Kent: Big game fever is taking a fevered pitch as the fevered rivalry between Springfield U and Springfield A&M spreads like wild fever. This, this is writing?
Nephew: I'm sorry, Uncle Kent. I lost my thesaurus.
Kent: Ugh, thesaurus, you'll lose more than that…..In preparation for the big game, Springfield Stadium has caught additional seating capacity fever. Arrgh!