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Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure and Additional Voices
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Goof: When Homer leaves to go to his old house, he leaves in Marge's car, but when he arrives there, he is driving his car.
Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement? Maybe I could have done better than where I am now. Like a travel agent. To a great scientist. Or the inventor of a hilarious refrigerator alarm.
Grampa : Who are you to complain? You lock me up in a home and give me the same damn shower safety seat every Christmas.
(Bart eats a candy bar)
Homer: Kids, your daddy and his daddy are involved in a very sticky, nutty, chewy, chocolatey- put it away, boy!- situation.
Homer: He said I was an accident. He didn't want to have me.
Marge: You didn't want to have Bart.
Homer: I know, but you're not supposed to tell the child!
Marge: You tell Bart all the time, you told him this morning.
Homer: But when I say it, it's cute!
Grampa: Here drink it! And think of me while you're having the best sex of your life!
Milhouse: The Rand Corporation, in conjuction with the saucer people...
Bart: Thank you.
Milhouse: ...under the supervision of the reverse vampires...
Milhouse: ...are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner!
Grampa: Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?
Homer: Nevermind, you wouldn't understand.
Grampa: Protein deficiency?
Grampa: Unsatisfying sex life?
Homer: N- yes. But please, don't you say that word.
Grampa: What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex.
Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed under-parenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed over-parenting.
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass.
Lisa: Dad, it's just that too much of your love can really be...scary.
Homer: Some day you'll thank me for all this scary love. But now I've gotta go somewhere and do some serious thinking.
(Homer gets in the car and drives off.)
Bart: I'm sure he meant to say "serious drinking."
Lisa: That's what I assumed.
CIA Agent: Mr. Vice President, somebody finally bought a copy of your book sir!
Al Gore: Well, this calls for a celebration.
(Plays record of Kool & The Gang's "Celebration," and the lyric, "Celebrate good times!" can be heard.)
Al Gore: I will.
Homer: I think Lisa needs another push on her new tire swing.
Lisa: No dad, I want to get down! This tire is filthy and the steel belts are poking me!
Man: That medicine seems to be giving your son a lot of gas.
Grampa: I assure you his belching is the result of an unrelated alcohol problem.
Marge: Are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?
Homer: Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life.
Grampa: (talking to a young Homer) You president? This is the greatest country in the world. We've got a whole system set up to keep people like you from ever becoming president. Quit your daydreaming melon head.
Homer: Let's go find that hot dog tree I planted.
Bart: Okay, it's now painfully clear. The adults are definitely paving the way for an invasion by the saucer people.
Milhouse: You fool! Can't you see it's a massive government conspiracy? Or have they gotten to you too?
(He leaps on Bart and they start grappling on the floor.)
Lisa: Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it! Why are you guys jumping to such ridiculous conclusions?! Haven't you ever heard of Occam's Razor? The simplest explanation is probably the correct one!
Bart: So what's the simplest explanation?
Lisa: (Sarcastically) I don't know, maybe they're all reverse vampires and they have to get home before dark!
Everyone: Aaah! Reverse vampires!
Grampa: Now sir, you've never seen me before, is that correct?
Homer: That is correct.
Man: Well then how come his face is on the bottle?
Grampa: We've got a lot of tonic to sell and a lot of towns to visit. Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid...
Ralph: Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove.
Milhouse: If it's in a book, it's gotta be true!
Homer: Where are my pants?
Marge: You threw them out the window in a fit of passion. You said you were never going to need them again.
Homer: You want me to spend more time with Dad? What about my New Year's resolution?
JFK: If I may, Helen, I'd like to respond to that question with yet another flip remark.
Homer: (trying to sell the tonic) Sir, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife . . .
(The man punches him)
Grandpa asks if Marge has 'pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,' which is a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine silicate or quartz dust. It is also the longest word in the English language according to the Oxford English Dictionary.
Blackboard Joke: My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
Couch Gag: The family runs past a constantly repeating pan of the couch and TV.
The Nutty Professor
Professor Frink drinks Grampa's love tonic and turns into a handsome ladies man. This is similar to the plot of the 1963 Jerry Lewis movie The Nutty Professor where he concocts a potion that transforms him from a nerdy teacher to a smooth lady-killer.
When the Simpsons are buying their books, one of them sets off a trigger in the scanner that sends a signal to the White House. The music that plays during this scene is similar to The X-Files theme, implying that the book on UFO's set it off, when in reality it lets Al Gore know someone finally bought a copy of his book.
Blackboard Joke: My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
A quick and funny reference to The Fugitive (TV series and movie). The main character, Richard Kimble, was convicted of killing his wife, but always maintained (truthfully, in his case), that she was actually killed by a one-armed man.
Milhouse: We're through the looking glass here, people.
This quote is from the 1991 movie JFK, which is about the assassination of President Kennedy. The line was said by New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison, played by Kevin Costner.
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