Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
When Homer looks up the headline from the day he was born the "Unusually large, ugly baby born" is actually Homer, he just doesn't realize it.
In the couch gag where Marge wipes Matt Groening's signature off the carpet and a caricature of Matt Groening comes back to rewrite it, Groening was signing the scene with his right hand. In real life, Matt Groening is left-handed.
Bart: There's that awful script from The Cable Guy.
Homer: Let me see that. Stupid script! Nearly wrecked Jim Carrey's career! (Starts ripping up the script and then sees everyone looking at him) What?
Editor: You know, Homer, we need someone like you. Someone who doesn't immediately "poo-poo" everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, usually takes me a few hours.
Homer: So come to The Legless Frog if you want to get sick and die and leave a big garlicky corpse. PS, parking was ample.
Lisa: Dad, you're being cruel for no reason! What will people think?
Homer: People will think what I tell them to think when you tell me what to tell them to think!
Lisa: Not anymore! I don't want to be partners with a man who thinks like that!
Homer: This pea soup is as weak as the acting and nowhere near as hammy.
Lisa: Dad, that's so mean!
Homer: The other critics told me to be mean, and you should always give in to peer pressure.
Lisa: But what if someone bad tells me to --
(At the Taste of Springfield Festival)
Marge: Homie, my womens' intuition is acting up. Something bad is going to happen if you go in there.
Homer: Oh, Marge, something bad usually happens when I go in anywhere.
(He steps in a puddle, then a frisbee hits him, then a bat bites him)
Homer: A bat, that's a new one.
Homer: This gets my lowest rating ever. Seven thumbs up.
Captain McCallister: (talking about Homer) I'm surprised he doesn't just give it up and go for sweatpants.
Akira: He says the crotch wears out too fast.
Captain McCallister: Yar! That's going to replace the whale in my nightmares.
Editor: Homer what gives with this review? You say the salad tastes like bark and the potatoes were very grrrrrrr. This reads like it was written by a dog.
Homer: Are you crazy? A dog can't type!…Unfortunately.
Homer: Uh not bad. If Lasagna is Italian for pile of puke!
Italian Chef: Ahhhh…I choppa you good!
(Swings at Homer with a knife.)
Homer: Well, I hope you cut me better than you did these string beans!…Hmm, I seem to be missing part of my ear...Touché!
Homer: Really, the only word to describe it is (drools)
Lisa: Hmm. What's the English equivalent for (drools) I'd say ... transcendent.
Homer: How about groin-grabbingly transcendent?
Lisa: Uh ... I don't think so.
Homer: Well, what do you think?
Editor: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I've ever read!
Homer: What's wrong with it?
Editor: You keep using words like "Pasghetti" and "Momatoes" You make numerous threatening references to the UN and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again.
Homer: (voice on tape singing)
I work hard for the money
So hard for the money
Oh, I something, something money,
Come on give me lots of honey
Mr. Burns: Well, there's an employee, Smithers. A smile on his lips and a song in his heart. Promote him.
Milhouse: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with D.
(Nelson smacks Milhouse in the head)
Homer: God bless you, Nelson Muntz.
Nelson: I'm no hero. I just like to hit people on the head.
Homer: (Asking Santa's Little Helper to help him out with a word to describe the food) Come on, help me out here.
Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!
Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.
Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
Homer: Chewy! That's inspired!
(counting what is supposed to be a 500-word review)
Lisa: 497, 498 words.
Homer: How about "Screw Flanders"?
Lisa: (Typing) Bon appetit.
Homer: Eh, both good.
Marge: Homer, you do know the E is broken on that typewriter.
Homer: We don't need no stinkin' E! Let's see... Restaurant Review... No! Eatery Evaluation! No! Food Box! Go or No Go by Homer... no, Earl... no... Bill Simpson!
Restauranteur: Well I say we ban Homer from our restaurants.
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we kill him!
Captain McCallister: Argh, well I've had it with Homer. His bad reviews are sinking our businesses.
Akira: Then why did you put yours in the window?
Captain McCallister: Argh, it covered up the "D" from the Health Inspector.
Homer: Stop the presses!
(The presses stop. Homer puts his food article on the belt)
Homer: Ok, start the presses!
Press Manager: (angrily) That takes four hours!
Homer: Whatever, I'll be at Moe's.
Theatre Critic: The only bad review you gave was to a slice of pizza you found under the couch.
Homer: It lost some points because it had a hot wheel on it.
TV Critic: Nine thumbs up!?!? What the hell is that!?
Nelson: Your old man has an awesome nose.
Bart: Oh, that's nothing, he can hear pudding!
Marge: Only your father could take a part-time job at a small-town paper and wind up the target of international assassins.
Homer: (singing to the tune of "I Feel Pretty") I like pizza, I like bagels, I like hot dogs with mustard and beer...
Editor: I get the picture.
Homer: I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, who's that baby deer on the lawn there?
Editor: Enough already!
Homer: I don't want anyone to know that I am the food critic.
Maude: Ned, Homer's the food critic, pass it on.
Bart: Come to think of it, I haven't seen Uter since the last field trip.
Principal Skinner: Uter, I don't remember any Uter, Uter what a funny name.
Springfield Shopper Woman: Here at the Springfield Shopper we use a percentage of recycled paper.
Lisa: What percent?
Springfield Shopper Woman: Zero. (Pause) What!? Zero's a percent.
Homer: They're paying me to eat!
Bart: Now if they paid you to scratch your butt, you'd be on Easy Street.
Restaurant Owner: You're going to kill him with a pastry? I've seen this man eat a bowl of change!
Homer: Marge, I'm sorry, but your cooking's only got two moves, shake and bake.
Marge: You like Shake 'N' Bake. You used to put it in your coffee.
Blackboard Joke: I am not the last Don.
Couch Gag: The family sits on the couch as usual. Marge notices the name "Matt Groening" scrawled on the carpet and wipes it off. Matt Groening, decked out in one of his trademark Hawaiian shirts, runs in and re-autographs the scene.
West Side Story
The song that Homer sings about food is an allusion to the song "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story.
Tour Guide: The paper was founded by Johnny Newspaperseed...
This is a reference to the American Folklore character of Johnny Appleseed, which was also made into a Disney cartoon.
MiseryThe typewriter with no "E" alludes to the Stephen King movie/novel Misery, where the antagonist is forced to use a typewriter without an "E".
Homer writes a review of The Frying Dutchman with the headline "Thar, She Blows." This is a line from Herman Melville's novel Moby Dick. It's likely that Lisa came up with the headline; Homer isn't exactly the literary type.
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
When Homer says, "We don't need no stinkin' E," this is a reference to a line from the 1948 film The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which goes "We don't need no stinkin' badges."
Lisa: We ate at Paté LaBelle last week.
The restaurant's name is a play on the name of well-known R&B singer Patti LaBelle.
Mimi the Food Critic: Why make 31 flavors when you can't get vanilla right?
An unflattering reference to Baskin Robbins ice cream. Their slogan is 31 Flavors.
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
The title of this episode is a play on the title of the 1967 film Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, starring Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn and Sidney Poitier.
Luigi: He gave me a bad review. My friend put a horse head in his bed, and he ate it and gave it a bad review.
This is a reference to The Godfather, when a character wakes up and sees a horse's head in his bed.
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