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Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
A sign seen in front of the candy convention reads: "Welcome: Candy convention room 1! Also, candy-shaped poison convention room 11"
When the show "Rock Bottom" shows their mistakes, they fly by so fast no one can read them. If you play it in slow motion, the "corrections" are:
-"Peoples' Choice Award" IS American's greatest honor.
-Styrofoam is not made from kittens.
-The U.F.O. was a paper plate.
-The nerds on the internet are not geeks.
-The word "cheese" is not funny in and of itself.
-The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod.
-Lyndon Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam.
-If you are reading this you have no life.
-Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse.
-The other U.F.O was an upside-down salad spinner.
-Our universities are not "hotbeds" of anything.
-Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes.
-Our viewers are not pathetic sexless food tubes.
-Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds.
-The "Cheers" gang is not a real gang.
-Salt water does not "chase the thirsties away".
-Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
-Cats do not eventually turn into dogs.
-Bullets do not bounce off of fat guys.
-Recycling does not deplete the ozone.
-Everything is not 10% fruit juice.
-The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream.
-Janet Reno is evil.
-V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline.
-Ted Koppel is a robot.
-Women aren't from Venus and men aren't from Mars.
-Fleiss does floss.
-Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures.
-Bart is bad to the bone.
-Godfry Jones' wife is cheating on him.
-The Beatles haven't reunited to enter kick boxing competitions.
-The "Bug" on your TV screen can see into your home.
-Everyone on TV is better than you.
-The people who are writing this have no life.
The show Homer is watching while curled up on his bed is Late Show with David Letterman.
Homer: Oh, I like it better when they're making fun of people who aren't me.
Lisa: Sorry, Dad, we do believe in you, we really do.
Bart: It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have.
Homer: (at the candy convention) Ooh! I feel like a kid in some kind of a store.
Bart: Can I come to the candy show, huh, huh? Can I, can I? Huh, huh, huh? Can I? Can I?
Lisa: No, me! Take me, me, me, me, me, me! Take me, me!
Homer: Sorry, kids, but this is the one event I want my darling wife by my side.
Marge: Oh, well thank you, Homer, but take one of the kids.
Homer: Marge, they can't carry enough candy! They have puny little muscles, not big ropy ones like you.
Bart: You go, Mom, for the greater good.
Lisa: For the greater good.
Apu: (to Homer) Hey. Hey! Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. You leave me no choice but to…ask you nicely again.
Homer: I can't say titmouse without giggling like a schoolgirl. (starts giggling like a schoolgirl) Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.
Marge: Homer, that's your solution to everything. To move under the sea. It's not going to happen!
Homer: Not with that attitude.
Ashley Grant (the babysitter): You grabbed me in the car!
Homer: Oh that, no. I was just grabbing a gummy Venus De Milo that got stuck to your pants.
Protester: Yeah, right. That's the oldest excuse in the book.
Protesters: Two, four, six, eight, Homer's crime was very great! "Great" meaning large or immense, we use it in the pejorative sense!
Smithers: You people can't be in here!
Homer: It's ok, they're with me.
Homer: Ooh, Gummi bears! Gummi calves' heads! Gummi jaw breakers!
(Sees a Gummi figure rotating on a red pillow in a glass case.)
Homer: (Lustily) Ohh...What's that?
Man: That is the rarest Gummi of them all, the Gummi Venus de Milo, carved by Gummi artisans who work exclusively in the medium of Gummi.
Marge: Will you two stop saying "Gummi" so much?
Kent Brockman: (on TV) Simpson scandal update - Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tank which he believes gives him sexual powers.
Homer: Hey, that's a half-truth!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Yes, I am interested in long distance savings. Very interested!
Bumblebee Man: Ay yi yi! Es Homer Simpson! Me ha molestado!
(In an edited version of his interview with Godfrey Jones, the splices can be told because the clock in the background keeps changing times.)
Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting on / her / sweet can... / so I grabbed / her / sweet can... / Ohhhh, just thinking about / her / can... / I just wish I had / her / sweet, sweet / s/s/sweet can...
Godfrey: So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense? (we see a still video shot of Homer looking lustful) Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further! (the frozen image of Homer begins to slowly zoom in) No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me! Get back! Get back! M-Mr. Simpson! NOOOO!
(freeze frames on the screaming Godfrey)
Announcer: Dramatization may not have happened.
Marge: There are only 49 stars on that flag.
Grampa: I'll be deep in the cold cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!
Bart: Why would anyone want to touch a girl's butt? That's where cooties come from!
Blackboard Joke: I will not whittle a hall pass out of a bar of soap.
Couch Gag: The family chases after the couch down a long hallway similar to the portal in the 1981 film Time Bandits.
The scene where Homer blows up the convention building and escapes in slow motion is a parody of a similar scene from the 1993 film Demolition Man.
There's a reference to the 1989 film Little Mermaid when Homer imagines himself and his family living under the sea to escape persecution.
"Rock Bottom" is a parody of Hard Copy and other sensationalist tabloid "news" programs, which began to grow in popularity during the 1990s.
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
The name given to Willie, "Rowdy Roddy Peeper," at the end of the show is a pun, at the expense of wrestling legend, and former WWF Intercontinental Champion, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. The reason the name is chosen for Willie is that Canadian wrestler Roderick Toombs' on-stage persona '"Rowdy" Roddy Piper' was billed as hailing from Glasgow Scotland, and wore a kilt.
Sally Jessy Raphael
The talk show host, moderating a discussion on estranged families reunited because of Homer, looks just like Sally Jessy Raphael.
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