Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
When Burns gets the Junior Jumble, we see that one of the "jumbled" words is "ODG." This could either be "DOG" or "GOD," and is probably a joke from the animators.
By spelling the word "Smithers" in Mr. Burns' phone, the phone number of Moe's is 636-76484377. the phone number of Mr. Burns' office is 636-5555246.
Smithers: (chuckles) Perfect. When I give the signal, you transfer the call to Mr. Burns. After she tears into him I'll rush in and save the day.
Homer: Got it. (pushes speaker) I'm transferring a call in to you, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: (on intercom) No problemo!
Homer: (hesitating between the four buttons) Uh…Ooh…Uh…(pushes the button to disconnect the call)
(on hearing the dial tone) Uh-oh.
Mr. Burns: (from his office) Ahoy-hoy? Hoy?
Homer: (attempting to sound elderly) …Hello? Mr. Burns? This is your mother.
Smithers: (whispering) No…
Mr. Burns: Urg…Oh, hello mater. Um… sorry about pulling the plug on you and all, uh…who could've known you'll pull through and…live…for another 5 decades? Ohh, is my face red!
Smithers: (whispers to Homer) Mrs. Burns is 122 years old, so try to sound more desiccated. And she does not call her son "Mr. Burns"!
Homer: (continues the façade) Son, this is Mrs. Burns. I just called to say, I don't love you! You are a bad son Monte…
Mr. Burns: (appearing behind Homer) So…
Mr. Burns: Impersonate my mother, will you? And you Smithers, you must have put him up to it. I'm glad I fired you.
Homer: Ya really blew it this time, Smithers.
Mr. Burns: (selecting his false teeth) I think... the fangs today.
Homer: I think Smithers hired me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around!
Bart: What did you get that for?
Homer: For knocking Mr. Burns out of a 3rd story window.
Bart: Makes sense to me.
Lisa: Did he die?
Homer: What am I, a doctor?
Smithers: Uh, hello. You got a "Help Wanted" sign on the window?
Moe: Yeah, I need someone to help me with the midnight beer delivery. Your job is to distract Barney until it's safely off the truck.
Smithers: I'll just... wait out back until then.
Barney: I look forward to working with you!
Marge: Cheer up, Homie.
Homer: I just feel terrible about getting Mr. Smithers fired. That job was all he had. Imagine how you'd feel, Marge, if you got fired from the… those… things that… you do.
Bart: Quick, Mom, whip up a cake before Dad fires ya!
Bart: Look alive, Simpson, I'm not paying you to goldbrick.
Homer: (wakes up) Uh… Yes, sir.
Bart: Now get cracking on my long division, and don't forget to show your work, Simpson.
Homer: I'll have it on your desk tomorrow morning, sir.
Lisa: Bart, leave Simpson alone! … Simpson, I need a ride to the library.
Homer: Yes, sir.
Marge: Kids, stop exploiting your father. Homie, why don't you lie down and relax?
Homer: No time, Marge. I think Mr. Burns wants me to do some long division.
Marge: Simpson, lie down!… Sorry, but you need a good night's rest.
Mr. Burns: Here, tell me how my stocks did yesterday.
Homer: Uh… they all won.
Mr. Burns: What about my options?
Homer: Well, you can either get up or go back to sleep.
Mr. Burns: I believe I'll get up.
Homer: Um, is this the chair I'll be sitting on?
Smithers: Yeah. Now, I realize caring for Mr. Burns seems like a big job, but… actually it's just 2,800 small jobs.
Homer: Uh huh. But this is the chair, right?
Mr. Burns: Smithers, this beer isn't working. I don't feel any younger or funkier.
Smithers: I'll switch to the tablespoon, sir.
Announcer: Welcome, welcome, welcome to an evening of exciting quarter-mile action, action, action! Our first race is a benefit for daredevil Lance Murdoch, Murdoch, Murdoch, who's hospitalized with cirrhosis of the liver, liver, liver!
Homer: All right! Liver!
Mr. Burns: Donuts? I told you I don't like ethnic foods!
Mr. Burns: Lets see, Smithers. S-M-I-T-H-E-R-S... success, it's ringing!
Moe: Moes Tavern.
Mr. Burns: I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name: Wayland.
Moe: (in a very angry tone of voice) Ooooh... so you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland is it?
Homer: Here are your messages: You have thirty minutes to move your car. You have ten minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have thirty minutes to move your cube.
Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns' office.
Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?
Marge: Homie, it's 4:30 in the morning, Little Rascals isn't on 'til 6.
Homer: I know, I'm taping it. I wanna get to Mr. Burns' house bright and early to make his breakfast.
Mr. Burns: I'll have my lunch now. A single pillow of Shredded Wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.
Homer: But I think the dodo went extinct…
Mr. Burns: Get going! And answer those phones, install the computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.
Homer: (taking notes) Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about uuhhh, things. Uhh… the things.
Homer: Mr. Smithers, I don't understand 2700 of my new duties.
Smithers: Well, the van's leaving...pick one duty that's going to give you the most trouble.
Homer: Umm... what do I do in case of fire?
Smithers: Sorry, can't hear you, bye!
Homer: (walks into Burns' office, which is on fire) Ah, just my luck.
Smithers: I've got to find a replacement that wont outshine me. Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word 'incompetent'. Seven hundred fourteen names! Huh, better be more specific. Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, and monsterously ugly. (714 matches). Ah nuts to this, I'll just go get Homer Simpson.
Moe: Oh, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, huh? First name: Waylon, is it? (angrily) Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants… so you can watch me kick the crap out of you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
Blackboard Joke: None.
Couch Gag: Like Shriners, the family members drive around in little carts for a while before pulling back in formation in front of the TV and honking.
Mr. Burns: You call this postem?
Postem was a drink made in the early 20th century, designed as a rival to tea and coffee.
A Clockwork Orange
This scene in which Mr. Burns lies in bed with casts being fed is a parody of the 1971 film A Clockwork Orange when Alex is in his hospital bed in casts and opens his mouth the exact same way while being fed.
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