Lisa: How's dad today?
Marge: Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he's under the table.
Homer: Oh wow, I can't believe my first passenger is comedy legend Mel Brooks. You know that movie, Young Frankenstein? Scared the hell out of me!
Mel Brooks: Umm, thanks.
Carl: Quit drowning in self-pity and come get drunk with us.
Selma: (to Homer) We own you like Siegfried owns Roy.
(driving Mel Brooks to the airport)
Homer: Hey! Let's do that 2,000 pound man thing. I'll be Carl Reiner and you be what's-his-face!
Homer: Time to fertilize the lawn. (grabs Patty and Selma) A couple of 500 pound bags should do it!
Homer: Stupid driving test at the stupid DMV where stupid Patty and stupid Selma work!
Homer: Chauffeur's licence, eh? Mel, buckle your borsch belt!
Chief Wiggum: Uhh, since you're trying to make a getaway in park, I'm guessing you don't have a licence.
Homer: That's it! I'll make money with a chauffeur job! Good thing you turned on that TV, Lisa.
Lisa: I didn't turn it on, I thought you turned it on..
Homer: No. Well anyway, turn it off.
Lisa: It is off... (X-Files music plays)
Ballet Instructor: You love ballet, yes, you feel the boys will laugh at you, no?
Bart: No, I feel the girls will laugh at me. I feel the boys will beat the living snot outta me.
Patty: We'll take care of you.
Selma: Yes... care. (both of them start laughing.... Homer soon joins in) Cut him a check and get him the hell outta here!
Man: I understand that Mr. Simpson. But according to the computer, your credit history is not good.. It says here you've been pre-declined for every major credit card. It also says you once grabbed a dog by the hind legs and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner.
Homer: That was in the third grade!
Homer: (makes a phone call) Hello, Vegas? Give me a hundred bucks on red.... D'oh! Oh okay, I'll send you a check.
Homer: Marge. We had a deal! Your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick! (scratches lipstick off his teeth)
Barney: (Smoking a cigar) To Homer! And to Sergeant Pepper, who is growin' out of the middle of your back!
Moe: Uuuh.. Barn' you gotta unwrap the plastic before you smoke these…
Supervisor: Wait a minute! Those are yours, sir?
Homer: (monotone) Yes. (coughs) I am in flavor country.
Supervisor: (skeptical) Both of them?
Homer: (hacks) It's a big country.
Supervisor: Ladies, I apologize. And you, sir, are worse than Hitler. (she slaps him)
Chief Wiggum: Evening, Simpson. You've got a short in your tail light. Started blinking when you made that turn.
Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, the bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding.
(Homer is taking his drivers test)
Patty: Did not adjust side mirror. Minus one point.
Selma: Failed to check blind spot. Minus two points.
Homer: You won't be happy until my family thinks I'm a loser, will you?
Patty: You are a loser, Homer. And we're winners. You gotta learn that.
Selma: Ooh, seat belt twisted. Minus one point.
Homer: Nagging the driver. Minus ten points, for you!
Patty: Grazed a cone. Minus five points.
Homer: Being a jerk! Minus a million points!
Homer: (about Patty and Selma) Okay, Marge. I'll get along with them. Then I will hug some snakes. I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes! (happily) Now that's sarcasm.
Mel Brooks: I hate Carl Reiner!
Selma: (when Homer enters the room) Is it me, or did it just get fatter in here?
Homer: To celebrate, I'm going to tilt my chair. (He tilts his chair) Mmm...slanty.
Blackboard Joke: I will remember to take my medication.
Couch Gag: The family is beamed onto the couch a la Star Trek.
Homer: You know that movie, Young Frankenstein? Scared the hell out of me!
Young Frankenstein was a comedy directed by Mel Brooks in 1974.
2000 Year Old Man
Mel Brooks makes a reference to 2000 Year Old Man, an animated tv special (1975) he starred in along side Carl Reiner, during his ride with Homer. Brooks also states, "I hate Carl Reiner!"
Ballet Instructor: But so many of your heroes wear tights: Batman, for example, and...Magellan.
Ferdinand Magellan was a Portuguese explorer whose crew was the first to sail around the earth. Batman, of course, is a legendary comic book super hero.
The scene where Bart tries to leap the ditch bears a resemblance to a scene near the end of the 1987 movie Outrageous Fortune where Shelley Long must leap over a gorge to save herself.
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