The Simpsons

Moe: You ever been hunting before, there, Barty? Bart: Nope. Something about a bunch of guys, alone, together in the woods... seems kinda gay. (awkward silence) Homer: (angrily) That is a very immature attitude, young man!

(Homer takes Bart to a steel mill) Rosco: (to the other workers) Hey! Listen up! I want all of yous to say hello to the Simpsons. Workers: (sissy-like) Halloooooww! Homer: (horrified gasp) Has the whole world gone insane?! (He sees two workers jostling with each other in a sissy-like way) Worker #1: Stand still, there's a spark in your hair! Worker #2: Get it, get it! (Homer whimpers. A third worker walks past, wearing only hot pants and carrying a vat of hot steel) Worker #3: Hot stuff, comin' through! Homer: Aah! Bart: Dad, why'd you bring me to a gay steel mill? Homer: (frightened) I don't know! This is a NIGHTMARE! (to the workers) YOU'RE ALL SICK! Worker #4: (waves his hand) Oh, be nice! Homer: Ohh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay! (a whistle goes off) Homer: Oh my God, what's happening now? Rosco: We work hard. We play hard. ("Everybody Dance Now" starts playing as the entire mill is transformed into a night club. A frightened Homer backs away, groaning and covering Bart's eyes.)

Homer: Bart! Where did you get that shirt? Bart: I'unno...Came outta the closet. Homer: Uuh....huh.

Smithers: John! John: Uh...Waylon. Uh. I'd like you to meet The Simpsons! Smithers: I know the Simpsons. (Mumbling) So this is your sick mother? John: Don't do this to me Waylon.

Homer: That John is the greatest guy in the world. We've gotta have him and his wife over for drinks sometime. Marge: Hmm... I don't think he's married, Homer. Homer: Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there's lots of foxy ladies out there. Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little... festive to you? Homer: Couldn't agree more! Happy as a clam. Marge: (insisting) He prefers the company of men! Homer: Who doesn't? Marge: Homer... listen carefully. John is a ho-mo... Homer: Right. Marge: ...sexual! (Homer screams)

John: Oh, I've got the exact same curtains only in my bathroom. Didn't you just die when you found these? Marge: Not really...they just had corn on them. Kitchen...corn.

John: Well, if you're inviting me over? Homer: I practically insist. Shall we say 5:00, the snacking hour? John: My heart is palpitating. Woo hoo!

Homer: Maybe that thing is a hunk-of-junk, but look at what you're selling. Fifty bucks for a toy!? No kid is worth that! John: Oh, but this is the Rex Mars Atomic Discombobulator. Don't you just love the graphics on this box? Homer: No. How can you love a box or a toy or graphics? You're a grown man.

John: Hi, I'm John, can I help you with anything? Marge: Yes, I have something that I'd like to sell. John: Please tell me it's your hair.

(Marge wakes up because she hears Homer making strange noises. She turns on the light.) Marge: Homie, I can hear you chewing on your pillow. What's wrong? Homer: Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt! Marge: So? Homer: There's only two kinds of guys that wear those shirts, gay guys and big fat party animals. And Bart doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me.

Marge: Oh, Homer, look! Look! A TV Guide owned by Jackie O.! John: Oh, you should see the crossword puzzle! She thought "Mindy" lived with "Mark". Homer: Give her a break! Her husband was killed!

Lisa: Aw, Mom, are you sure you want to sell a family heirloom to pay a gas bill? I mean, what would your grandma say? Marge: I'm sure she'd be proud that her descendants had piping-hot tap water and plenty of warm, dry underwear.

(Homer rounds on John after catching Bart dancing to "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss)") John: Homer, what have you got against gays? Homer: You know! It's not... usual. If there was a law, it'd be against it! Marge: Oh, Homer, please! You're embarrassing yourself. Homer: No, I'm not, Marge! They're embarrassing me. They're embarrassing America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names, like Bruce and Lance and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh... John: Queer? Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it! Well, I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son!

Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy! Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down. Oh boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me. Homer: Hey! We owe this guy, and I don't want you calling him a sissy! This guy's a fruit! And a... no, wait, wait, wait... queer! Queer! (to John) That's what you like to be called, right? John: Well, that or John.

(After John saves Homer, Bart, Barney and Moe from the rampaging reindeer) Barney: Is it okay to come out now, Mr. Gay Man, sir? Moe: I'll do anything you say! (suggestively) Anything!

(After meeting John, Homer is worried that Bart is gay. He places Bart in front of a billboard with scantily clad women on it.) Bart: What am I supposed to do here? Homer: Nothing. Just sit. I'll be back. (Homer walks away, revealing the "Laramie Slims" billboard.) Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel? Bart: I dunno. I kinda want a cigarette. Homer: That's a good start. Let's get you a pack. What's your brand? Bart: Anything slim! Homer: (Grunts) Okay, that didn't work.