The Simpsons Season 10 Episode 14

Bart: And thank you God for the bad things adults do, which help distract people from what I'm doing.

Homer: Hey! You with the scarf! Stop skywriting!
Skywriter: I have to deliver a message. It's the skywriters' code!
Homer: I am so sick of that damn code!

Homer: Mr. John, I'm your biggest fan. I tape-recorded all your songs off the radio.
Elton: Oh, that's very sweet. Have a Grammy. (produces one from nowhere)
Homer: Uh … (throws it in a garbage can)

Ned: Aw, gee, the man's just trying to show his wife he cares for her. How can we sabotage his labor of love?
Homer: I dunno. Gasoline, acid, I got some stuff in the trunk.

Homer: This Valentine's crap has gone too far!
Male Crowd: Yeah
Skinner: Eh, Edna won't even let me clap her erasers.
Sideshow Mel: My Barbara will no longer pleasure me with the French arts!
Moe: The gal I'm stalking had me bumped back to two hundred feet.
Barney: Aw, Moe. That's too far.

Marge: Then the bird sang "I Love the Night Life" with clever new lyrics.
Homer: I hate that song.
Marge: I do too, but it was sweet. Women really like that sort of thing, Homey.
Homer: Don't worry, honey. I've got something really special planned for Valentine's Day.
Marge: It's not that monkey card I found in the car, is it?
Homer: Wouldn't you like to know. (rolls over and looks worried) Ooh.

Manjula: Until last night, I never knew Apu could be so romantic!
Marge: I can't believe it; he covered your whole bed in wild flowers!
Manjula: Oh, I'm sure Homer has done that for you …
Marge: Hmmm, sometimes I find pickle slices in the sheets.

Marge: (reading newspaper) My darling bride Manjula,
I hereby mend my ways.
I'll shower you with Valentines,
For seven love-filled days.
Lisa: Oh, how romantic!
Homer: I used to take out ads like that when we were newlyweds.
Marge: The only ad you took out was to sell our lawnmower!
Homer: We sold it, didn't we?

Homer: (looking at valentines day card) I cherish you, my precious…. Mmmmm … nah. (gets another) To a heck of a blacksmith. Nah, I already got him one. (gets another, with monkeys on it.) You're a-peeling, let's never split! (laughs) It's funny, cause they're monkeys!

Marge: What a lovely home!
Manjula: Oh, you are too kind, Marge … I am sure you have noticed the many small imperfections that fill me with shame.
Marge: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no … if anything, your home makes me ashamed of my home.
Manjula: Let us say we both feel bad!
Marge: Deal!

Homer: And then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the evil ogre …Barney… had left the men's room in the most wicked condition! So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley…
Lisa: That's not a fairy tale; it's something that happened to you at Moe's!
Homer: Sssh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years, until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon!

(Apu and Manjula argue in Indian)
Marge: I think we should leave.
Homer: Uh uh, no way. I don't wanna miss a word …
Marge: But you don't know what they're saying!
Homer: I'm picking it up … "sala" seems to mean "jerk," and I think "Manjula" means some kind of spaceship …

Kent Brockman: Reverend Lovejoy's research proves that every wife in Springfield is jealous of Cupid Apu, even Maude Flanders.

Homer: Oh, baby! We got him now! There's no escape from the airport!

Homer: Hmmm… what's an eltdown? (looking at his beeper, in which he is covering the letter M)