The Simpsons

Velma: Hey, you're stealing my trailer! I like that.

Velma: It ain't Buckingham Palace, but I raised eight young 'uns, three chilluns, and a baby here.

Marge: My goodness, what a lovely suit, sheriff. Is that seersucker? Sheriff: Nah, not on a civil servant's salary. It's near sucker. Marge: Well, the fabric really brings out the red in your neck. Sheriff: Yup, it's coming along, huh? You should see it in August after the horseflies been getting' at it. Hoo, man! Marge: Dang, I wish I could, but in August, our chain gang has to dig for tar. Sheriff: Well, now, I might could switch you to dead animal pickup.

Man with Whip: No listening. You hear me? Homer: Uh, no. Man with Whip: You just don't learn, do you? (he whips Homer) Homer: Ow!

Homer: You know, killing that gator was the best decision I ever made. Bart: Got that right. Marge: Darn tootin'! Lisa: Boy, howdy.

Marge: This family has hit a new low. We're on the run from the law, totally lost, no car, no money, no clean clothes, and it's all your fault. (points to Homer) Homer: I love being married.

Marge: Homer, no! You'll kill us all. Homer: Or die trying!

Guide: And if you look to your left, you see another endless stretch of stagnant water. Oh, well, look who turned out to greet us, folks. It's our town's most famous resident, Captain Jack. (a big alligator swims near the boat) Lisa: Look at the size of that gator. Marge: Is he a man-eater? Guide: Only convicts and hobos.

Man on TV: The crisis? Charlie Bludorn's birthday. The solution? A snappy banner. Out comes the phone, in flies Bobby Towne, and six drafts later, I had myself a party. Homer: You see? Gibberish, all gibberish.

Bart: Hey, what's all the screaming? Lisa: Some of us have grammar school in the morning, you know. Marge: You should see a doctor, Homie. A head doctor. Homer: I'm not crazy. It's the TV that's crazy! (Yells at the TV) Aren't you, TV?

Velma: Y'all just lay low here; you'll be safe with old Velma! (Homer gets ready to hit her over the head with a fry pan.) Velma: Stop that! Homer By I was just… Velma: Scat! Homer Gonna try… Velma: Go on now! Homer Knock you out. Velma: Just quit!

Marge: Oh, it's so cozy. Velma: You're insincere. I like that

Velma: You took the signs out of the window? That's pretty presumptuous. How do you know I'm going to hire you? Bart: Sorry, I just want to be a broom boy so bad. Velma: I like your attitude. You're hired. (to Lisa) How 'bout you missy? You want to be a mop girl? Lisa: Not really, no. Velma: I like your honesty. You're hired. (to Marge and Homer) And you two haven't said a word. I like that - you're hired.

Homer: Okay, last question. Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy? Lenny: Oh! The little rat-faced one. Carl: No, no, Nick! He's so good to his mother. Homer: According to this, you're both idiots. Lenny: Hey, thanks. What do we owe you?

Homer: Okay, Flanders, your love quiz score is … 61. That makes you a, "Frigid Frieda." I took off 30 points for all that crying you did. Ned: It was a little insensitive of you giving me a sex test, seeing as my wife just passed away. Homer: No way! When? Ned: Six months ago. You were at the funeral. You fell into the grave! Homer: He-he. Oh, yeah. I saw a gopher. What a day!

Homer: Ooh! My first issue of self-test monthly. Finally I get to find out what makes me tick. Bart: I'm betting it's hunger and rage. Homer: Yes, but at what ratio? Are you a good driver…yes. Are you a good lover…yes. Oh I'm doing great! Lisa: Dad, those are just the names of the quizzes; you're supposed to open the magazine. Homer: My way is easier.

(After Homer has a mental breakdown in the plant) Plant Psychiatrist: You hate your father. Homer: Sometimes, but the person I really hate is your father!

Homer: (Drunk) Guess how many boobs I saw today Marge, fifteen!

Judge: Well, looks like you folks are free to go. But don't you set foot in the state of Florida again. Homer: Fine. There are plenty of other states that are happy to have us. (cut to the Simpsons' living room. A map of the United States is set on an easel. There is a black "X" drawn through all the states except Arizona, Florida, and North Dakota) Marge: (draws an "X" on the map through Florida) Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota, and Arizona. Homer: Arizona smells funny. (Marge grumbles and draws an "X" through Arizona) Lisa: North Dakota, here we come! Bart: I always wanted to see Mount Rushmore! Marge: That's South Dakota. Bart: (disappointed) Ohh.

Marge: I'm beginning to dislike the man with the whip.

(In the car) Lisa: Mom, Bart's sitting next to me! Bart: Mom, Lisa's growing! Marge: Quiet, you two, you know your father's had a breakdown! HomerMy pockets hurt!

Homer (singing): Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care, Jimmy cracked corn, and I'm not there. We built this city on rock and ro-o-o-oll, Something, something day.

Bart: Dad, watch out! Homer: (singing) Watch out for what? Bart: (singing) The giant gator!

Homer: These quizzes are never wrong, Marge. They're put together by the finest scientists in the magazine business!

Homer: (singing) We built this city, this kick ass city, what kind of music built this city? Lisa: (lazily) Rock and roll.

Homer: When Bart and Lisa get married... Bart & Lisa: Ewwww! Marge: You mean when they marry different people. Homer: Okay! But I'm not paying for two weddings!

Homer: Your Honor, I'd like to defend myself. Drunken hicks of the jury... (The jury gasps and drinks from liquor bottles)

Doctor: What you need is a good, long rest. I suggest Florida. Homer: Florida? But that's America's wang! Doctor: They prefer, "The Sunshine State."