The Simpsons Season 9 Episode 23

Homer: I'm going to climb this entire mountain on my own!
Sherpa 1: Then technically, shouldn't you go back down and start all over?
Homer: Shut up! You are so fired.
(The Sherpas cartwheel their way down the mountain in delight)

Homer: Come on, you lazy Sherpas, wake up! We've got a mountain to climb.
Sherpa 1: He shouldn't kick us.
Sherpa 2: His toes will fall off soon.

Sherpa 1: I foresaw your death last night.
Sherpa 2: Stop saying that!

Grandpa: I fell eight thousand feet onto a pile of jagged rocks. Of course, folks were tougher in those days. I was jitterbugging that very night. But that skunk McAllister was never seen again.
Homer: If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. I'm 100% focused on my goal. Hey, my hat has ear-flaps.

Grandpa: Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there like I did!
Homer: You?… Did?
Grandpa: Sure.

Homer: I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar. (He eats the bar and swallows. He then dials the phone.)… Hospital, please.

Lisa: Dad! What have you done to your stomach?
Bart: And your chest?
Marge: And your shirt?

Nelson: (about Homer) I don't think he can get up. Let's egg him!

Rod Flanders: Do you want to play "Capture The Flag", Daddy?
Ned Flanders: Sports on a Sunday? Hmm! I'd better check with Reverend...
Reverend Lovejoy: (off-screen) Oh, just play the damn game, Ned!

Homer: If God didn't want us to eat in church, he'd have made gluttony a sin.

Marge: Hmmmm… anyway, it's time for the church picnic.
Homer: What? They had a picnic last week.
Marge: No, they didn't! You just brought a bucket of chicken to church!

Bart: Wow! McBain is really buffed up! You could grate cheese on those abs!
Homer: Yeah, but can he do this?
(Homer takes a drink from a beer can on his stomach, then crushes the can between his folds of fat and Bart shudders.)

Homer: Go ahead, try and grab some flab. No, not there. Over here.
Lisa: I got some!
Homer: Not there! Grab my foot. No, not that foot!

Homer: I'm getting light headed. Good no heavy head to carry.

Brad: Wake up Homer, those Powersauce bars are just junk! They're made of apple cores and Chinese newspapers!
Homer: Hey! Deng Xiao-Peng died!

Announcer: This Powersauce newsbreak is brought to you by Powersauce. Get sauced with Powersauce!

Bart: Dad, wait! You're not risking your life just to impress me, are you?
Homer: Well ... yeah.
Bart: Cool! Now get going, chop chop!

Brad: Yo! Yo! Rainier my man! How you doin'? I thought you'd be here pumpin' those guns!
Neil: We've come up with a killer promotion for Powersauce bars. Picture this. You...
Rainier: I love it!

Marge: Homer, stop insulting us and eat your filth ... food, I mean food!

Homer: (Sees the sign, GYM) Gyme, what's a Gyme? (enters) Oh! A Gyme!

Apu: Oh, what will it be Mr. Simpson? Your usual bucket of ice cream covered with minature pies?

Bart: Okay dad, they've got our flag guarded pretty good.
Homer: I agree, let's surrender!
Bart: No, wait! I have a plan, but I'll need your underpants!
Homer: Hmm, alright, but don't lose them! They're my only pair!

(Picking sides for "Capture the Flag.")
Milhouse: Oh! Oh! Oh! Bart! Bart! Bart! Over here! Over here!
Bart: Ummm...I'll take...Nelson.
Milhouse: Saving the best for last, huh Bart?
Bart: Yeah, that must be it.

Bart: Gentlemen, the game is capture the flag! Rod, ladies pick first!
Rod: Okay!

(Ralph climbs up Mr. Burns's car and tags him through the sunroof)
Ralph: You're it!
Mr. Burns: We'll see about that. After him, Smithers!
(they drive after Ralph)
Ralph: Aaah! You're not it!

(At the church picnic)
Reverend Lovejoy: Nice to see you, Homer!
Homer: Yeah, outta my way whoever you are, you're blocking the food!

(Fat Tony's gang shoot a jar of mustard on the Police table.)
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The joke's on you, we borrowed that jar from your table, so you just shot your own mustard!
Legs: Ah nuts!

(Bart encounters Homer sleeping on the ground next to a portable toilet)
Bart: (waking Homer) Come on, Dad! We're playing "Capture The Flag"!
Homer: Sorry, son. Daddy's down for the day. Why don't you go capture me some more potato salad?
Bart: But Rod picked his dad! It's a matter of family honour.
Homer: Flanders is playing? Why didn't you say so?
(As Homer hauls himself up he knocks over the portable toilet, exposing Comic Book Guy)
Comic Book Guy: Oh! It appears I will have to find a new Fortress of Solitude.

Apu: We have some low-salt candy bars and some reduced-fat soda. And our beef jerky is now nearly rectum-free.