The Simpsons Season 10 Episode 1

(Alex meets Sherri and Terri.)
Alex: Ooh, twins. Which one of you is the evil one?

(Some goons steal Homer's grease.)
Homer: Hey, hey! You're taking our grease!
Goon #1: It's our grease now.
(He takes Homer's shovel and hits him in the head with it.)
Goon #2: We run the grease racket in this town.
(The goons start to walk away.)
Homer: Hey, that's my shovel!
Goon #1: We also run the shovel racket.

Principal Skinner: Lisa! I have to run home. I need you to keep an eye on the dance.
Lisa: Oh, I don't want to go in there with all the happy dancing couples.
Principal Skinner: Normally I wouldn't ask, but, uh, it's an emergency. Mother has a june bug cornered in the basement and she needs me to finish it off.

Homer: All right, son, we're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our heads in prayer.
(Homer and Bart fold their hands and bow their heads.)
Homer: Dear Lord, I know You're busy, seeing as how You can watch women changing clothes and all that, but if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
Bart: Dad, He's not stupid.
Homer: All right, screw it! Let's roll!

(Nelson captivates a small audience in the school playground.)
Nelson: The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.
(Principal Skinner approaches and listens.)
Nelson: Nuh, um, uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass!
(Principal Skinner nods and and walks away.)
Nelson: Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.
(Audience mumbles in amazement.)

Homer: Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done. Including my muscle-for-hire business.
Marge: My poor Homie. Couldn't you try some other far-out money-making scheme?
Homer: Aww, what's the point?
Marge: (Encouragingly) You could raise some emus.
Homer: Emus? Really? Ooh, that's pretty crazy. Nah, I'd only fail, just like I fail at everything.
Bart: Hey, Dad, I've been thinking. What if instead of givin' up on grease, we go for one last big score?
Homer: Wait a minute. The boy's right! I can't quit now! (Hugs Bart) Aww, you always know just what to say to cheer me up. (to Marge) Emu farm? (Laughs) You're priceless, Marge!

(Homer uses Marge's car to haul grease from the Krusty Burger.)
Bart: Mom's gonna kill you.
Homer: If she didn't want her car ruined, she should've done a better job hiding her keys.

Bart: When you want grease, go to the source. Good ol' Krusty Burger.
Homer: Oh, I'll say! Look at that red-headed kid. There must be twenty dollars worth of grease on his forehead alone.
Bart: I was thinking more of the deep-fryer.
Homer: All right, we'll try it your way.

Principal Skinner: Oh, Lisa, I was hoping I could count on you again to spearhead our annual school-wide apple pick.
Lisa: Absolutely.
Alex: Apple... pick?
Lisa: Yeah, it's great! We have pony rides, sing-a-longs, apple bobbing, apple picking, apple everything!
Principal Skinner: Ah, you forgot apple bobbing.
Lisa: No, I didn't.

Lisa: So there I am, being nice to Alex, and she takes all of my friends and ditches me!
Marge: I'm sure they didn't ditch you, honey. Maybe they went off to plan a surprise party for you.
Bart: (Laughs) Yeah! (Laughs) Good one, Mom!
Lisa: They only like her because she acts so grown up with her perfume and her cell phone and--Oh! Get this, Mom! She drinks iced tea.
Homer: Lisa, I can't imagine anyone being more likable than you. But apparently, this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.
Lisa: But Dad--
Homer: Uh-uh! Think, "Is that what Alex would say?"

Milhouse: Oh, Lisa! I've got an extra seat, and you've got an extra lunch. (Chuckles) Catch my drift? (Chuckles)
Principal Skinner: Milhouse! Lower those eyebrows!
(Milhouse lowers one)
Principal Skinner: And the other one!
(Milhouse lowers the other one)

Alex: Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
Lisa: Did she just tell me to shut up?
Principal Skinner: Take it outside.

Principal Skinner: (On P.A. system) Attention please, I need a volunteer for a thankless chore.
(Lisa raises her hand.)
Principal Skinner: Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson? (Pause) Thank you, Lisa.

Homer: Marge, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
Marge: With cans of grease?
Homer: (Sarcastically) No! Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease!

(Homer and Bart return some grease to the grease recycling plant.)
Homer: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice and painful scaldings pay off.
Clerk: Four pounds of grease. That comes to... sixty-three cents.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Bart: Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.
Homer: Yeah, but your mom paid for that.
Bart: But, doesn't she get her money from you?
Homer: And I get my money from grease. What's the problem?

Lisa: Am I the only one who just wants to play hopscotch and bake cookies and watch The McLauglin Group?

(Lisa shows Alex around the school.)
Alex: Isn't that trophy case supposed to have trophies?
Lisa: Um, they were all wiped out in the big trophy fire.
(Principal Skinner walks by.)
Principal Skinner: Ah, I see the trophies are still out for cleaning. Eh, Lisa?

(Homer purchases a hot dog at the Kwik-E-Mart after Apu has cleaned out the grease trap.)
Homer: Without the grease, all you can taste is the hog anus.