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Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Martin Prince, Sherri, Terri and others
Bart reads ''Bad Boys Life'' magazine.
Allison has an autographed picture of Bleeding Gums Murphy in her room.
(Marge falls into a daydream while reading the book "Love in the Time of Scurvy" and imagines herself at the wheel of a pirate ship with the captain)
Marge: My, these seas are certainly heaving.
Pirate: Well, no more than your bountiful bosom, m'lady.
Marge: (Chuckles) Does that earring mean you're a pirate?
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food!
Marge: But the grocery store sells sugar for 35 cents a pound.
Lisa: And it doesn't have nails and broken glass in it.
Homer: Those are prizes. (Homer eats some of his food and pulls a black object out of his mouth) Ooh, a blasting cap.
Ralph: I bent my Wookie.
Homer: I've learned my lesson. A mountain of sugar is too much for one man. It's clear now why God portions it out in those tiny little packets, and why he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.
Bart: Tomorrow morning, when Allison comes out of her house, we spray her with the hose, soaking her from head to toe, leaving us relatively dry.
Bart: Well, there's bound to be some splash back.
Lisa: Bart, her being wet won't help me to win the competition.
Bart: We could just sabotage her diorama, humiliating her in front of the students and faculty.
Bart: Leaving her primed for the most traumatic hose-soaking of her life!
Lisa: Enough with the hose!
Homer: I can't live the buttoned down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odor - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?
Lisa: I should be Allison's friend. I mean, she is a wonderful person.
Bart: Way to go, Lis. Why compete with someone who's just gonna kick your butt anyway?
Lisa: I prefer my phrasing.
Homer: And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out 'earning' that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going into work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! A four day weekend!
Bart: If you change your mind, here's my card.
Lisa: I don't need a card, you live in the room next to me.
Bart: Note to self: next year, order fewer cards.
Marge: Believe me honey, she's more scared of you than you are of her.
Lisa: You're thinking of bears, Mom.
Bart: Dad, isn't this stealing?
Homer: Read the town charter, boy: 'If foodstuff should touch the ground, said foodstuff shall be turned over to the village idiot.' Since I don't see him around, start shoveling!
Bart: Hurry up and finish eating!
Homer: You're steering fine, boy! Hard to the left! Hard to the right! Cat! Deer! Old man!
Allison: Are you hyperventilating?
Lisa: No, I just like to smell my lunch.
Marge: Lisa, stop blowing my sex! I mean stop blowing your sax, your sax, stop it.
Ralph: Lisa, what's the answer to number 7?
Lisa: I can't tell you, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of standardized testing as a means for student evaluations.
Ralph: My cat's name is Mittens.
Beekeeper #1: To the Beemobile!
Beekeeper #2: You mean your Chevy?
Beekeeper #1: (Looks down in shame) Yes.
(while being stung by bees)
Homer: Oww! They're defending themselves somehow.
Mr. Taylor: Hi, Lisa, I'm Alison's father, Professor Taylor. I've heard great things about you.
Lisa: Oh, really? I--
Mr. Taylor: Oh, don't be modest. I'm glad we have someone who can join us in our anagram game.
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person.
Mr. Taylor: Like, er...Oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: Genuine class.
Mr. Taylor: Ho ho, very good. Alright, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: Uh, Jeremy's...iron.
Mr. Taylor: Mm hmm, well, that's...very good...for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?
Homer: We hit the jackpot here … white gold … Texas tea … sweetener!
Marge: Does that earring mean you're a pirate?
Bart: Lisa, will you keep it down? I'm making a crank phone call to Principal Skinner.
Principal Skinner: (on phone) Well, as a matter of fact, my refrigerator wasn't running. You've spared me quite a bit of spoilage: thank you, anonymous young man.
Homer: Must protect sugar … thieves everywhere … the strong must protect the sweet … the sweeeeet.
Bart: What's wrong, Lisa? I hate to see you so upset, unless it's for a rubber spider down your dress. (turns on his tape recorder) Note for later, put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.
According to the DVD audio commentary for the episode, the Northridge earthquake occurred during the production of this episode. It also notes that Conan O'Brien, who by this time had left the show, suggested having an episode about a rival for Lisa (though it was only the basic concept and not the story line that came from O'Brien).
Blackboard Joke: No one is interested in my underpants.
Couch Gag: The family swims to the couch.
Milhouse standing in a drain in a dam being pursued by the FBI is an allusion to the 1993 film The Fugitive.
The song that "The Second Best Band" plays is called "Born to Runner-up," a reference to the popular Bruce Springsteen song, "Born to Run".
The Grapes of Wrath
Nelson's diorama is The Grapes of Wrath. Despite Nelson's demonstration, John Steinbeck's novel is not about smashing fruit with a mallet. It's about migrant workers (aka "dust bowl refugees") during the Great Depression.
Beekeeper: To the beemobile!
Reference to the Batmobile, as seen in Batman.
Homer: My sugar is melting, melting. Oh, what a world!
In the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy throws a bucket of water to extinguish the Scarecrow, she gets the Wicked Witch of the West wet who then begins to melt crying out, "Look what you've done! I'm melting, melting. Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world!"
Homer: In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.
Homer's observation is heavily inspired by Tony Montana's in the 1983 film Scarface.
Book Title: Love in the Time of Scurvy
This book title is based on Love in the Time of Cholera, a famous book by Latin American author Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
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