The Simpsons Season 10 Episode 16

(Marge is listening in)
Moe: Lenny, how are you doing? This is Moe. I've got some class three gossip here.
Lenny: Well, dish!
Moe: Groundskeeper Willie … you know, the guy in the skirt bought himself a mail-order bride. But he's too cheap to pay the C. O. D., right? So she's still in a crate down at the post office. Wanna go look-see?
Marge: Ooh, this sounds juicy.

Hibbert: Lisa, I'm afraid your tummy ache may be caused by stress.
Homer: Well, that's a relief.
Hibbert: Heh, yeah. Anyway, when it comes to stress, I believe laughter is the best medicine. You know, before I learned to chuckle mindlessly, I was headed for an early grave myself.
(chuckles)
Homer: Give it a try, honey.
(Lisa tries to chuckle)
Hibbert: Oh, now you call that chuckling? Come on, child, force it.
Lisa: I'm really not the chuckling type.
Homer: It's true. I'm always making clever noises, and she never chuckles at 'em.

Homer: (turns on TV) Ooh, here's something you like. When Animals Attack Magicians.
Magician: Pick a card, any… (noise of animal attacking) Aaaaaagh!!!
(Homer laughs)
Lisa: That's awful.
Homer: Awful entertaining.

Agnes: Seymour? You were supposed to call me three minutes ago.
Skinner: Sorry, mother, I was driving through a tunnel and my cell phone wouldn't work.
Agnes: I don't want you driving through tunnels. You know what that symbolizes.
Skinner: But Mother, it cuts ninety minutes off my drive.
Agnes: No tunnels!

Marge: It's just until we pay off Daddy's desecration of a priceless artifact. I thought I'd never have to say that again.

Lisa: I can't believe you did this, Dad. Why didn't you put that thing in your room?
Homer: Hmmm. That thought never occurred to me. Funny how your mind works in a crisis.

Homer: What? I heard a yell. Did you touch a wire?
Lisa: What happened to my room?
Homer: Nothing. They just needed a place to put all the electronic gizmos, and I know how much you like that sciencey stuff. So I…
Lisa: You gave away my room!?
Homer: Come on, Lisa, try and see this from the OmniTouch corporation's point of view.

(Homer is sleeping at the power plant with the radio on)
Radio Announcer: FDR is in the White House. An ice cream cone costs a nickel, and a hot new tune by Benny Goodman is hitting the charts. The year is 1939.
Homer: Nineteen … 1939! Oh, my God, I've gone back in time! I've got to warn everybody about Hitler …and get to the ice cream store!
Lenny: Hey, Homer, what's all the hubbub?
Carl: Let me guess. You travel back in time again?
Homer: Shut up. You haven't even been born yet.

Homer: Ooh! Ee! Ooh-ah-ah! Ching, chang, walla-
walla-bing-bang! Ooh! Ee! Ooh-ah-ah!
Walla-bing-bang-ching-chang-doo!

Homer: Lisa, what's your favorite movie?
Lisa: Until you taped over it, 'The Little Mermaid'.
Homer: (Not evidently listening) That's right! The Odd Couple! So meet your comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo. Aahh-doo doo doo doo… (etc, to the tune of the 'Odd Couple Theme')

Security guard: You just licked off the part for cruel and unusual punishment.
(guards beat Homer up)

(The Flanders family nearly drives into Homer's sensory deprivation tank)
Maude: Oh, Neddy, you almost hit that coffin!
(They get out of their car and walk up to the tank.)
Ned: (gasps) Leaping Lazarus! Is this what passes for eternal rest these days? Rod, go get Daddy his burial shovel!
Rod: Yaaay!
(The tank is duly buried)
Todd: You sure buried him deep, Daddy!
Ned: (laughs) Not so deep the Lord can't find him... and judge him!
Rod: This is the best birthday I ever had!

Homer: Oh, good, I've been meaning to catch a… dream catcher? Give me a break.
Lisa: I just wish you could keep an open mind about other cultures.
Homer: Other cultures are fine. I'm just saying I can get along in life without a tooth… brush.

Marge: Peoples' privacy is at stake.
Homer: Great, I'm gonna eat mayonnaise.

Homer: Who's Fonzie? Don't they teach you anything in school?