The Simpsons Season 10 Episode 17

Homer: Look, son. It's one of Nature's most beautiful sights… the convoy.
(one of the Trucks hits Homer's trailer)
Bart: He hit us!
Homer: Oh, I should have known. They're hazing us, to initiate us into the truckers' fraternity. (the truck is hit again) Thank you sir, may I have another?
Bart: Dad, they're trying to kill us.
Homer: Oh, why do all my trips end like this?

Trucker: All right, pal, here's the deal. You stumbled on a secret that only truck drivers are supposed to know… (Homer giggles) … Hey, pay attention and stop looking at that squirrel.
Trucker 2: We get forty bucks an hour to drive these rigs. You think anybody'd hire us if they knew we weren't driving the trucks?
Homer: Wow, you guys are even lazier than me. Well, don't worry, I'll keep your secret.

Homer: Uh, yeah. I need something that will keep me awake, alert, and reckless all night long.
Clerk: Well, Congress is racing back to Washington to outlaw these. (shows him a bottle of pills)
Homer: Sold!
(Swallows the pills straight away)
Clerk: Hey, you can't take that many pep pills at once.
Homer: No problem, I'll balance it out with a bottle of sleeping pills.

Gwen: Little more hi-test, darling?
Homer: Sure thing … (reads her nametag) Gwen.
Gwen: I'll be right back with your pie, hon.
Homer: Ah, there's a nice friendly gal.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Wouldn't it be great to live right here at the truck stop, watching all the people come and go? You could have a different best friend every day.
Bart: I suppose.
Homer: Great! I'll write your mother and tell her the marriage is off. Then, when the paperwork is done, I'll make Gwen my wife.
Gwen: Will that be all, sweetie?
Homer: For now.

Bart: Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
Homer: Don't you have school?
Bart: Don't you have work?
Homer: Ah, touché!

Trucker: Thirty-eight years and never missed a shipment. But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making.
Homer: Oh, yes he will. And on time, too.
Marge: Oh, no, Homer, no.
Homer: I've got to, honey. I owe it to old Red as both his friend and his killer.

Hibbert: (checks for Red's pulse) This man is dead. Looks to me like beef poisoning. (crowd gasps) Probably from some other restaurant. (crowd is relieved and they continue on eating)

Homer: What's happening to me? There's still food, but I don't want to eat it. I've become everything I've ever hated!

Marge: Is it safe to eat that much food, Dr. Hibbert?
Hibbert: You know, I wouldn't have thought so before I bought twelve percent of this restaurant, but now I feel a balanced diet can include the occasional eating contest.

Lisa: Lousy meat-eating scum!
(Marge, Homer and Bart look at her, shocked)
Lisa: Not you!

Homer: (Upon seeing Red) He's not breathing! Don't people usually breathe?!

Marge: Someone's coming! I think they're Jehovah's Witnesses.
Jehovah's Witness #1: You know, maybe we're bothering people.
Jehovah's Witness #2: Yeah, you're right! Let's get real jobs!

Lisa: Oh, look, it's Milhouse selling seeds, and he's coming this way! Oh no, the birds got him!

Marge: You didn't need to throw the food on the floor!
Homer: Didn't I?

Marge: Your father traded all our tools for M&M's again.

Homer: I thought this was supposed to be a steak house, not a little girly, underpantsy, pink doily, tea party place!
Waiter: Well, there is one steak that's available only by special request. We call it, uh, Sir Loin-A-Lot. It's, uh, the size of a boogie board.
Homer: Ooh, I'll have that one. And to drink … meatballs.
Waiter: Very good, sir.