The Simpsons

Season 17 Episode 16

Million Dollar Abie

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Apr 02, 2006 on FOX
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Episode Summary

Million Dollar Abie
Homer spearheads the effort to get pro-football to bring a new franchise to Springfield. The football commissioner, on his way to officially award the franchise, stops at the Simpson house where Grandpa (mistaking him for a burglar) attacks him. Springfield loses out and Abe becomes the town’s pariah. After trying and failing assisted suicide, Abe decides to live his life without fear and when the town decides to reuse their football stadium as a bullfighting ring, he volunteers to be the toreador. Ever the activist, granddaughter Lisa protests his new profession.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

Dan Castellaneta

Dan Castellaneta

Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others

Hank Azaria

Hank Azaria

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others

Harry Shearer

Harry Shearer

Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others

Julie Kavner

Julie Kavner

Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier

Nancy Cartwright

Nancy Cartwright

Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others

Yeardley Smith

Yeardley Smith

Lisa Simpson

Rob Reiner

Rob Reiner


Guest Star

Michael Carrington

Michael Carrington


Recurring Role

Karl Wiedergott

Karl Wiedergott

Additional Voices

Recurring Role

Maggie Roswell

Maggie Roswell

Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (25)

    • Sideshow Mel: "Touchdown Avenue"? Delightful!
      Jimbo: Who ya talkin' to? Your imaginary girlfriend?
      Sideshow Mel: Oh! Isn't your mother a well-known whore?
      Jimbo: ...You win this round, Mel.

    • Announcer: (to the bulls) Please don't kill me! I have a wife and three girlfriends!

    • Dr. Egoyan: Mr Simpson, you are a good candidate for assisted suicide.
      Grandpa: Aw, I think you're cute too.
      Dr. Egoyan: But killing yourself isn't as easy as putting on an ugly sweater like you did today. I want you to carefully think about this for twenty-four hours.
      Grandpa: Oh, I see, you want me to reconsider whether or not I really should give up my life.
      Dr. Egoyan: Yeah, and we're cleaning out the death machine today. A lot of gunk gets stuck in it.

    • Dr. Egoyan: I am so honored that you've chosen me to murder you. You'll be following in the footsteps of Socrates, Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson and Fred Kenicke.
      Grandpa: Who's Fred Kenicke?
      Dr. Egoyan: My appointment before you. Nice guy, just a little…a little screwed up.

    • Chief Wiggum: I think you know my brother-in-law, Fred Kenicke.
      Dr. Egoyan: Oh, boy.

    • Mayor Quimby: We're here tonight to discuss possible uses for this football stadium, including the solid gold statue of Mike Ditka with diamond eyes.
      Suave Old Man: I suggest we use the stadium for the ancient art of the toreador--bullfighting! (The crowd cheers in approval.)
      Lisa: No, wait, wait! Bullfighting is a cruel, pseudo-sport!
      Homer: Lisa's right. It is a cool, super sport!

    • Carl: I have "Melt Mania"!
      Lenny: I have "Down Syndrome"!

    • Marge: Homie, snagging a pro-football franchise is a big project, requiring a lot of follow through.
      Bart: And that's not your strong suit big guy.
      Homer: I'll show you all! I'm gonna spearhead the hell out of this expansion bid!
      (the rest of the family laughs)
      Maggie: (subtitled baby-talk) Bald Mommy is sure to fail!

    • (after spending a week in the basement working on his bid)
      Homer: Marge, meet pro-footballs newest team - the Springfield Meltdowns! Plus I designed a state of the art stadium. We'll fund it with corporate naming rights. It's the Duff Beer, Krusty Burger, Buzz Cola, Costington's Department Store, Kwik-E-Mart, Stupid Flanders Park! So, Homer do good?
      Marge: Homer do great! (they kiss) Uh, maybe Homer brush teeth first?
      Homer: Awwww…

    • Kent Brockman: In honor of the commissioner's visit the city has been repainted in the team colors, and all the streets whimsically renamed.
      Sideshow Mel: Touchdown Avenue? Delightful!
      Jimbo: Who ya talking to? Your imaginary girlfriend?
      Sideshow Mel: Isn't your mother a well known whore?
      Jimbo: (gasps) You win this round, Mel…

    • Commissioner: (trying to find the stadium) This map says things like Oak Street and Evergreen Terrace, but all I see are Two Point Conversion Avenue and Off-Season Knee Surgery Boulevard.

    • Grandpa: (answering the door) Who are ya? What do ya want? What year is this? Who are ya?

    • Grandpa: (thinking the commissioner is a robber) If I knock him out, I'll be a hero. And people will listen to my loose-brained nonsense.

    • (after the commissioner has stormed out)
      Homer: You're a useless old man. Name one thing you do for this family!
      Grandpa: I watch the baby.
      Marge: Where is the baby?
      Grandpa: (shocked) You left me with a baby?!

    • Grandpa: A doctor?!? I already got enough doctors touching me and poking me and squeezing me up here and jiggling me down there… And that's just the receptionist!
      Old Guy: Abe, Abe, Abe! This doctor helps old people to kill themselves.
      Grandpa: Euthanasia?!? No way! I wanna die with dignity! Like slipping in the shower, and then they find me two weeks later swollen up so bad they don't know if I'm man or sofa.

    • Grandpa: Okay. If I get a single phone call in the next 24 hours, I'll keep on living.
      Jasper: If you go, can I have your blanket and your liver?
      Grandpa: Blanket, sure. Liver, NEVER!

    • (answers the phone, and it's a survey)
      Homer: Hello? (excited) You want my opinion on current movies? Well first of all, they're all perfect. Also, when's the Captain Crunch movie coming out? And will it be R, or hard R?

    • Dr. Egoyan: As you surrender your body, what music and visual imagery would you like to experience?
      Grandpa: I wanna hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra and I wanna see cops beating up hippies!

    • (the cops burst in and arrest Dr. Egoyan)
      Chief Wiggum: Hands off the stiff, Manfred Manslaughter! Heh… The voters just overturned the assisted suicide law.
      Dr. Egoyan: (is handcuffed) I'll kill you all! When the law is reversed.
      Chief Wiggum: I'd like to see you try! When the law is reversed.

    • Grandpa: You're all dead too? So who went berserk? Fatso or the little guy?
      Lisa: We're not dead, and neither are you!
      Grandpa: I'm not? Aww… I guess if you want to commit suicide around here you gotta do it yourself.

    • Lisa: (singing) How many bulls must my grandfather kill?
      Carl: Aww, she's so cute.
      Lenny: We'll bring you the bull's heart, sweetie.

    • (about Grandpa freeing the bulls)
      Lenny: I don't get what he's doing and I'm smart. Not book smart, or street smart or brain smart… but something.

    • (to the bulls)
      Luigi: If you let me go, I give you free large pizza-pie with purchase of same! Offer not good Tuesday through Sunday, we're closed on Monday. (gets trampled by the bulls)

    • (over the credits)
      Young Grandpa: I would like to name the following friends of mine as members of the Communist party.
      Man: You're just here to test the microphone.
      Young Grandpa: Fred Wilson, my brother Bill, Dom Dimaggio, the paper boy, Howdy Doody, Josef Stalin… (is taken away by security)

    • Grandpa: (to Dolph, Kearney, and Jimbo) You're going to die in a pointless war!

  • NOTES (5)

    • The song "Superman" by R.E.M. can be heard while Abe is wandering around thinking he is dead.

    • The footage used in the teaser ads of Bart in a newscaster's chair was recycled from the episode "Girly Edition."

    • The teaser for "The Simpsons Movie" aired during the original airing of this episode was the exact same one seen a few days earlier in theatres showing Fox's "Ice Age 2: The Meltdown."

    • During the first two commercial breaks, Bart indicates that an important announcement is forthcoming. During the third break, the announcement is made; the long anticipated Simpsons movie is opening worldwide on the 27th of July 2007.

    • Blackboard Joke: I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.)
      Couch Gag: The family enters the living room and take their places on the couch, then an on-screen TiVo style menu pops up asking if we would like to delete or save this recording. "Delete this recording now" is selected and the screen goes blank.


    • Lisa: How many bulls must my grandfather kill...

      The tune Lisa is singing the words to as Abe is about to become a Matador is "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan.

    • Dr. Egoyan and his diePOD allude to Jack Kevorkian and his Thanatron. The choice of name for the fictional doctor suggests that he (and, by extension, Kevorkian) is primarily driven by ego.

    • If you look carefully at the garbage barge -- seemingly from Las Vegas, as Mayor Quimby's sign says -- you can see the bodies of three blue men in black clothing. This is a very funny joke in allusion to the Blue Man Group, who have a show at the Venetian Hotel (originally at the Luxor Hotel) in Las Vegas.

    • In the scene where Abe goes into the room where he will be killed there is a "Diepod", an obvious reference to iPod.

      Also, the Diepod said "Megadeath" on it. This is a reference to a speed metal band called "Megadeth" formed by Dave Mustaine in the early 80's after he was fired from Metallica.

    • 48 Minutes: Combination of the titles of CBS news shows 60 Minutes and 48 Hours. Might also refer to the fact that when you take away the commercial time of a sixty minute program, you have only about 48 minutes of actual programming left over.

    • Among the celebrity impersonators in the "USA for Africa" inspired all-star chorus can be seen: Steven Spielberg, Jar Jar Binks, Michael Jackson, Jack Nicholson, Bono, Sylvester Stallone and Mick Jagger. Quick Draw McGraw appears at the end and Freddy Krueger slices up a map of Springfield. The choir is led by Quincy Jones who directed the original "We are the World" effort.

    • Soylent Green
      Grampa's assisted-suicide is taken from Edward G. Robinson's similar scene in the 1973 film Soylent Green.

    • Stacked
      The faux Carmen Electra sitcom Boobs is an obvious spoof of the Pamela Anderson sitcom Stacked.

    • Million Dollar Baby
      The title of this episode is a play on the title of the 2004 Clint Eastwood film, Million Dollar Baby.