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Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
Homer pulled out the washcloth out of nowhere.
Items that each person stole from the house.
Miss Hoover: Boat Painting
Hans Moleman: Stove/Oven
Wiggum: Stuffed Animals
Lenny: A flame fire log
Comic Book Guy: Silverware
Alex Trebek: Food
Ned Flanders: His own gas grill
Moe: Family Portrait and Tennis Racket
Apu: Snowball II and Santa's Little Helper
Principal Skinner: Goldfish aquarium
Ms. Krabappel: VCR
When Lisa raises her hand and Miss Hoover says, "I'm not teaching you anything until I get my money back", there are two children in front of Lisa, a blond boy and a dark-haired girl. When Lisa turns her desk around a few seconds later, the two children in front of Lisa are a blue-haired boy and a blue-haired girl who is dressed like Sherri/Terri.
When Ned gives Homer the top of his tree, Homer says, "Thanks Ted," instead of saying Ned.
The eldest Hibbert child (seen in "Bart Sells his Soul") isn't with the Hibberts on Christmas.
Marge: (to Homer) I know you're used to getting hate mail, but I'm not!
Kent: In my long career, I've seen some pretty shabby things. But this putrid fraud out stinks them all.
Camera Man: Aaaaaaand cut.
Kent: I just wanna thank you folks so much. This has turned out to be a really great story for me!
Kent: Kent Brockman here for a follow-up with Springfield's favorite hard-luck family, the Simpsons. Folks, any words for the Christmas thief if he's watching?
Homer: Eh, yes… Kent. Uh, hello… jerk. We may never find you, and we should probably all stop looking. But one thing's for sure… you do exist.
Kent: Strong words, strong bewildering words.
Homer: Is this car $15,000?
Salesman: (rubs off the $12,000 price tag) It is now. And because of your loss, folks, I'll throw in the undercoating for two hund---No, four hundred and ninety bucks!
Homer: What a deal! I'd be a sucker not to get it!
Bart: I don't know about this, dad, shouldn't we give the money to charity or some--Oww!
Salesman: Oh, I'm sorry, I jammed you with my pen.
Bart: Oww! You're still doing it!
Salesman: I know.
Krusty: Fifteen thousand mazoolians? Holy shlamola! Whaddya gonna do with all that kablingy?
Kent: So while you're home today, eating your sweet, sweet holiday turkey, I hope you'll all choke… just a little bit.
Kent: So when you realized Christmas was ruined, how did you feel?
Marge: (annoyed) How'd you think I felt?
Kent: Absolutely devastated? (turns to camera) "Absolutely devastated," the words of a heartbroken mother.
Moe: Sounds like you're having a rough Christmas. You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.
Homer: (Drunk) Yeah, you're right Moe… you're always Moe.
Lisa: Hey, why don't we walk over to Grampa's and cheer up the old folks? That'll make us feel better!
Homer: (moans) Okay, but they'll have to be pretty damn miserable to make me happy!
Bart: Hey, since when is Christmas just about presents? Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of this day… the birth of Santa?
Wiggum: Now, um, what did this Christmas thief look like?
Bart: Well, he had a glass eye, a wooden leg, a big scar on his cheek.
Wiggum: Anything unusual?
Marge: For once we're going to celebrate Christmas as a family!
(Grandpa taps at the window)
Grandpa: Hello? Anybody home?
(Homer sneaks up beside the window, and pulls the shutters down.)
Bart: Hocus pocus! Mucus puke-us! My powers of deduction tell me you are getting a hand-made sweater, possibly… yellow!
Lisa: Mom, make him stop!
Marge: Bart, put down that yellow sweater!
(a noise is heard on the roof)
Lisa: What was that?
Bart: Could it be?
(the kids look out the window. Some reindeer fall down,)
Bart & Lisa: Aaaaah!!!
(followed by Homer, who is hanging by his feet by an electric cable, he falls and the kids laugh loudly.)
Lisa: This year's tree is just perfect! That aluminum one was so fake!
Marge: I couldn't agree more! From now on it's plastic all the way!
Marge: Hey kids! I made your favorite cookies! Christmas trees for the girls, and bloody spearheads for Bart!
Orphan: We gave them our vitamin money.
Bart: How swwweet it is!
Barney: Hey Homer, look, your house is on TV.
Homer: (drunk) You take that back Barney.
Moe: No, he's right, Homer.
Homer: Stay outta this, old man!
Milhouse: Hey look what I got, Bart, a Tickle Me Krusty!
(He pushes his finger into the Krusty doll.)
Doll: (Krusty laugh) Hey kid, get your finger outta there!
Marge: Looks like the Flanders are having a good Christmas.
Homer: Oh yeah, we'll show him. C'mon kids, pretend we got new cross country skis!
Marge: Huuuh! What happened?
Homer: Wha...ti...wi...lo...Where's Christmas? Lisa, where's Christmas?
Bart: Dear Santa, if you bring me lots of good stuff, I promise not to do anything bad between now, and when I wake up, amen. (hits his elbow on bed side) Ow! I'll kill you!
Bart: 12 glasses of water, that'll wake me up nice and early. Then I'll have a big head start on opening presents. Pure genius
Bart: (after seeing Homer's Christmas lighting) It's crap-tacular!
Homer: Attention shoppers, register nine is now open for your shopping convenience.
(Customers rush over to the aisle and Homer starts taking the items off them for himself.)
Homer: Sorry, these are for display only, this has been recalled, ooh, Bart would like this! We're outta these.
Lady: Out, but i jus--
Homer: Register nine is now closed.
Marge: Hey, they're taking our stuff!
Homer: What's going on here?
Moe: Well, we hated being mad at you, Homer, so we decided to make things right.
Homer: Oh no, look at the line!
Moe: (Noticing them) Oh there they are.
Wiggum: Oh, look at the swindlers.
(People start leaving.)
Skinner: It's the Simpsons
Moe: Aw, them Stinkin…
Ned: Well, there goes Christmas dinner.
(The restaurant's empty)
Homer: (impressed) Ah, head of the line. A family could get used to being shunned. Huh? Huh?
(Behind the counter, bitter teenagers spit in shakes and hamburgers.)
Teen: (noticing them) Hey look, Shawn. It's that family everybody hates.
(They continue spitting)
Homer: We've got to give this greedy town its money back!
Lisa: But we don't have $15,000.
(Cut to Marge, contestants, and Trebek on Jeopardy! set. We see the players' scores. $10,000 for the first, $8,500 for the second, and -$5,200 for Marge.)
(As the Simpsons walk off the stage, they are confronted by Trebek)
Trebek: Aren't we forgetting something, Marge? You were down $5,200.
Marge: But Mr. Trebek-
Trebek: I asked you before the game if you knew the rules and you said you did. Judges?
(Two thugs carrying clubs step out from shadows)
Lisa: Run, mom!
(The Simpsons run off the set)
Thug #1: Hmm, she's not getting the home game.
Sideshow Mel: You only get to live once.
Apu: Hmph, speak for yourself.
(After hearing about the "robbery", Homer starts sobbing.)
Homer: Can (Sniffle) we (Sniffle) skip (Sniffle) church?
Bart: There was no burglar. I accidentally burned up the tree. And the presents. I'm really sorry.
Lisa: Why you little! (Runs over and starts strangling Bart)
Homer: Lisa, no! Your hands are too weak! (He strangles Bart)
Marge: (reading) "You'll all get yours in hell, you lying, thieving," er... "blanking blankers. Sincerely, Moe."
Homer: Oh, great. Now we have to send him a card.
Lisa: Miss Hoover! Miss Hoover!
Miss Hoover: Forget it, Lisa. I'm not going to teach you anything until I get my money back. Now turn your desk around and stop learning.
(Lisa turns her desk to the side)
Miss Hoover: All the way!
(Lisa does so)
Ralph Wiggum: Hi, liar!
Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave.
This is the first appearance of the two orphan kids.
Blackboard Joke: Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related.
Couch Gag: The family is in a snow-globe and someone shakes it.
The stock recording of Jingle Bells heard at the Flanders' house as they are enjoying Christmas day (consisting of a female chorus "La-la-la"-ing the melody) was also heavily featured on the Rocko's Modern Life episode Rocko's Modern Christmas.
The scene in which all of the townspeople bring money to the family and Lisa plays the piano is a parody of the final scene of the holiday film It's a Wonderful Life.
At the Springfield Retirement Castle, as "Jingle Bell Rock" plays, all the old people there are dancing. Several of the people there imitate dance moves similar to those in the 1965 cartoon A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Title: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace.
The title was taken from the 1940s film Miracle on 34th Street. This classic holiday movie was remade in 1994.
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