The Simpsons

(Lisa and Bleeding Gums Murphy have a little jam session.) (Lisa plays a jazz tune on her sax.) Bleeding Gums Murphy: Now, now low b-flat. (Lisa plays some lower notes on her sax.) Bleeding Gums Murphy: Okay, Lisa. "Altissimo" register. (Lisa plays very high notes on her sax.) Bleeding Gums Murphy: Very nice. Very nice. I once ruptured myself doin' that. Lisa: Thanks, Mr. Murphy Bleeding Gums Murphy: My friends call me Bleedin' Gums. Lisa: Eww. How'd you get a name like that? Bleeding Gums Murphy: Well, let me put it this way. You ever been to the dentist? Lisa: Yeah. Bleeding Gums Murphy: Not me. I suppose I should go to one, but I got enough pain in my life as it is.

Bleeding Gums Murphy: You know, you play pretty well for someone with no real problems. Lisa: Yeah, but I don't feel any better. Bleeding Gums Murphy: The blues isn't about feelin' better. It's about makin' other people feel worse and makin' a few bucks while you're at it.

(Bart acting as an announcer doing the introductions for video game boxing.) Bart: In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this house, Battling Bart Simpson! (Whistles and cheers) And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats--Oh, correction. Humiliating defeats. All of them by knock out-- Homer: (Grumbling) Must you do this every time? Bart: Homer "The Human Punching Bag" Simpson!

(Bart prank calls Moe's Tavern.) Moe: Yeah. Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking. Bart: Is Jacques there? Moe: Who? Bart: Jacques. Last name Strap. Moe: Uh, hold on. (Calling out) Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey, guys, I'm lookin' for a Jacques Strap! (The entire bar laughs at Moe.) Moe: What? Aw, wait a minute, Jacques Strap? It's you isn't it, you cowardly little runt! When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood. (Bart laughs in the background.)

(Marge can't sleep, because of her worries about Lisa.) Homer: So, why are you still awake? Marge: Well, I'm still trying to figure out what's bothering Lisa. I don't know. Bart's such a handful, and Maggie needs attention. But all the while, our little Lisa is becoming a young woman. Homer: Oh, so that's it. This is some kind of underwear thing.

Homer: You know Marge, getting old is a terrible thing. I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.

(Marge has a flashback to her childhood.) Mrs. Bouvier: Wait, Margie. Before you go out that door, let's put our happy face on, because people know how good a mommy you have by the size of your smile. (Little Marge forces a large fake smile on her face before she heads to school.)

(Lisa meets Bleeding Gums Murphy for the first time, as he plays his saxophone on a bridge.) Lisa: That was beautiful. What's it called? Bleeding Gums Murphy: Oh, it's a little tune that I call the "I Never Had an Italian Suit Blues."

(Marge interrupts Homer and Bart, who are playing video boxing.) Marge: Homer? Homer: Not now, Marge! (Yells in disgust at his video boxer.) Get out of the corner! Marge: They sent a note from school. Homer: (to Bart) What did you do this time, you little hoodlum? (to his video boxer) Oops, get out of the way! Bart: I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. There's no way they can prove anything.

(At lunch, Lisa shares her thoughts with Janey.) Lisa: Every day at noon a bell rings, and they herd us in here to feeding time. And we sit around like cattle, chewing our cuds, dreading the inevitable-- Bart: (Laughs) Food fight!

(At an arcade, Homer seeks some tips on video boxing.) Homer: Listen, can you teach me to fight like you do? Howie: I don't think so. Homer: Oh, come on! Howie: I tell you what. I'll do it if you bark like a dog. Homer: You little--Woof, woof woof! Howie: (Laughs) You got yourself a deal, Fido.

(Homer tries to console Lisa, who is feeling sad.) Homer: I have feelings too. You know, like "My stomach hurts." Or "I'm going crazy!"

(Lisa's gym teacher blows the whistle and stops play, as Lisa is unresponsive during dodge ball.) Gym Teacher: Lisa, we are playing dodge ball here. The object of the game is to avoid the ball by weaving or ducking out of it's path. Lisa: In other words, to dodge the ball.

Marge: (to Bart, Homer and Lisa.) I'm sorry, everybody, but I've only got two cupcakes for the three of you. Bart: Well, mom, one of us has scarfed down more than enough cupcakes over the past three decades to keep-- Homer: Bart!

(Lisa sings the Blues with Bleeding Gums Murphy.) Bleeding Gums Murphy: (Singing) Oh, I'm so lonely, Since my baby left me. I got no money, And nothing is free. Oh, I been so lonely, Since the day I was born. All I got is this rusty, This rusty old horn. Lisa: (Singing) I got a bratty brother, He bugs me every day. And this morning my own mother, She gave my last cupcake away. My dad acts like he belongs, He belongs in the zoo. I'm the saddest kid, In grade number two.