Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Martin Prince, Sherri, Terri and others
Dr. Pryor has pictures of Albert Einstein and Sigmund Freud on the wall behind his desk.
Goof: When Bart and Principal Skinner are closing in on Lisa's locker, several shots of them opening lockers are repeated.
When Bart is assigned detention, he has to write "I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty." on the blackboard over and over.
A tiny skull hangs on a chain from Snake's rearview mirror.
Career Aptitude Normalizing Test (CANT): Name of the test given to the students at Springfield Elementary.
Lisa keeps a family photo in her locker.
EMMA the computer is configured to look like a human face.
A name on one of the tests which passes through the machine is James Reardon, a director on The Simpsons.
The bad girls smoke Laramie Jr. cigarettes
When the camera pans up through the floors of the school, we can see that there is a snake under the floor boards.
Lisa: Dear Log: This will be my last entry. For you were a journal of my hopes and dreams, and now I have none.
Dr. Pryor: Here's your scientifically selected career.
Kid: Insurance salesman,
Ralph: Salmon gutter?
Milhouse: Military strongman.
Martin: Systems analyst. Systems analyst.
Dr. Pryor: Systems analyst.
Martin: All right!
Dr. Pryor: Mm-hm. It's like a mommy.
Bart: Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.
Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
Miss Hoover: Now sprinkle your sparkles on your paste. Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles.
Lisa: Shove it.
Lisa: Bart, why did you take the blame?
Bart: Because I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.
Lisa: Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.
Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.
Bart: Hey, I don't need you to get me in the back of a police car.
Hoover: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named 'Old Hickory'?
Lisa: I don't know. You?
Hoover: Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is... (flips to answers) The Battle of New Orleans. I mean, Andrew Jackson.
Lisa: Well, you're earning your eighteen grand a year.
Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.
Bart: Seymour, this is an absent slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the d's.
Principal Skinner: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy!
Apu: Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous.
Bart: Wow! Can I see your club?
Lou: It's called a baton, son.
Bart: Oh. What's it for?
Lou: We club people with it.
Miss Hoover: Since we have fifteen minute until recess, please put down your pencils and stare at the front of the room.
Miss Hoover: Question sixty. I prefer the smell of (a) gasoline, (b) French fries, or (c) bank customers.
Edna: Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!
Edna: We're going to take a test.
Hoover: We're going to take a test.
Lisa: All right, a test!
Cheif Wiggum: Looks like you bought yourself a lottery ticket...to jail!
Lou: He's unconscious, sir.
Chief Wiggum: Ah, they can still hear things.
Eddie: This is against every regulation but, will you cover us? (Hands Bart a gun.)
Principal Skinner: Your punishment is 400 days detention.
Bart: I could easily do that on my head.
Principal Skinner: 500 days!
Bart: Oh, ho ho.
Principal Skinner: 600 days!
Bart: Maybe I should keep my big mouth shut.
Miss Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?
Ralph Wiggum: (Gluestick poking out of his mouth) No, Miss. Hoover.
Marge: Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down.
Homer: We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?
Marge: We have three kids, Homer.
Homer: Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid!
Marge: No, Maggie!
According to the DVD commentary, it took nine takes to get guest star Steve Allen to pronounced "Aye, Carumba" correctly.
In 1992, Nancy Cartwright won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Voice-Over Performance for this episode.
Blackboard Joke: I will not barf unless I'm sick.
Couch Gag: After everyone sits down, Bart leaps into everyone's lap.
First Blood: The scene, where Bart meets with the school counselor to determine his career choice, references the 1982 American film First Blood. The school counselor tells Bart that he believed Bart would become a drifter in his adult age. Bart then daydreams about himself as a drifter holding a green Army duffel bag who complains how the Sheriff drove him out of town, echoing the sequence in First Blood where John Rambo is ushered out of town by the sheriff for being a drifter.
Iowa Test of Basic Skills
The "CANT" test that is given to the students of Springfield Elementary is flown to the Iowa non-international airport then trucked to the National Testing Center in Proctorville, Iowa.
This is a poke at the "Iowa Test of Basic Skills" given to students up until the mid 1980's.
The Wild One
Principal Skinner asking Lisa what she is rebelling against, and her reply is taken directly from a scene in the 1953 Marlon Brando film, The Wild One. Lisa even has a toothpick in her mouth, just like the movie.
Witness X: I'd be more than happy to!
The blue dot on the face of Bart (being voiced by Steve Allen) is a parody of the William Kennedy Smith rape trial, and how they hid the identity of the witness.
The scene change when Bart and Skinner start searching lockers is a parody of the same style of scene change found in the campy 1960's Batman television series.
Bart: Who loves ya baby?
A quick and funny homage to the show Kojak.
The look in Bart's sunglasses is a parody of a similar image from the 1971 film Dirty Harry.
The car chase scene between the cops and Snake, including the Green VW, is a parody of the car chase scene from the 1968 film Bullitt.
Beverly Hills Cop
The music you hear as Skinner and Bart are searching the lockers is the theme to the 1984 film Beverly Hills Cop.
Announcer: And now, Act 2: Death Drives A Stick.
The car chase scene parodies The Streets of San Francisco as well as its theme music. The beginning of act 2 with the voiceover is another reference.
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