Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Bowling teams spotted in Homer's bowling league.
Pin Pals: Homer, Apu, Moe and Otto. (Later Mr. Burns replaces Otto.)
Channel 6 Wastelanders: Krusty the Clown, Kent Brockman, Arnie Pye and Bumblebee Man. (Bumblebee Man's shirt reads: "Pedro".)
DMV Regulation Kings: Patty, Selma and unnamed characters.
Springfield Police Framers: Chief Wiggum, Lou, Eddie and Snake.
Holy Rollers: Ned and Maude Flanders and Helen and Reverend Lovejoy.
The Homewreckers: Lurleen Lumpkin, Jaques, Mindy Simmons and Princess Kashmir.
The Stereotypes: Luigi Risotto, Groundskeeper Willie, Cletus Del Roy and Captain McAllister.
Music From This Episode
"Spanish Flea" by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass (Played in the background as Martin and Lisa model the new school uniforms in the school auditorium.)
Mr. Burns: Stop everything! I don't remember writing a check for bowling.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's a check for your boweling.
Mr. Burns: Oh, yes. That's very important.
Smithers: Yes, sir. Remember that month you didn't do it?
Mr. Burns: Yes... that was unpleasant for all concerned.
(Homer enters Mr. Burns office after Burns has smelled a little too much ether. Mr. Burns sees Homer as The Pillsbury Doughboy.)
Homer: Mr. Burns, I, uh, was wondering if you'd like to sponsor my bowling team... for five hundred dollars.
Mr. Burns: Oh, why, certainly, Pop 'n Fresh. I--I owe my robust physique to your tubes of triple-bleached goo!
(Mr. Burns cuts Homer a check and Homer runs out of the office excitedly.)
Homer: Woohoo! Hey, everybody! If you wanna ask Burns for a favor, now's the time! He's doped up or dying or something!
(Hans Moleman enters Mr. Burns' office.)
Hans Moleman: Uh, excuse me, I'd like to request seventeen dollars for a push broom rebristling.
Mr. Burns: Why it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your lucky charms!
(Cuts to outside his office; power drill sounds.)
Hans Moleman: Oh no, my brains!
(Homer's bowling team enters the alley with their t-shirt uniforms.)
Krusty: Hey, nice quote, uniforms, end-quote.
Kent Brockman: This just in: A new addition to our worst dressed list--those guys!
(Channel 6 team laughs)
Apu: Oh, forget this. I am far too fragile to withstand an evening of barbs like that.
Homer: Aw, come on! If we quit now, we'll never know how badly they're gonna to beat us!
Moe: Yeah, you're right. That's the kinda thing that would haunt ya.
Homer: Let me set the scene for you, Marge.
Marge: All right.
Homer: It's a 7-10 split.
Homer: The hardest shot in bowling. It was all up to me.
Homer: So I got up all my courage. Right away, my lips started to move, and I came up with the chant that won the match!
Marge: Who knocked down the pins?
Homer: I don't know. You know, some guy, uh... Otto, I guess.
Marge: Good for him!
Homer: Yes, but, Marge, you're mi--you're missing the point! The individual doesn't matter! It was a team effort! And I was the one who came up with the whole team idea! Me!
Marge: I can't believe Otto picked up a 7-10 split! He's phenomenal!
Homer: But, just--
(Moe shares his feelings on Mr. Burns joining the bowling team.)
Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Homer: There it is boys: The championship trophy.
Apu: We will never possess it. The Holy Rollers have won it 5 years in a row.
Moe: Ehh, they think they're so high and mighty just because they never got caught driving without pants.
Moe: I have a feeling that Mr. Burns is going to have a little accident that might keep him from bowling with us tonight.. heh heh heh.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm afraid I wont be able to play tonight. My old gimpie knee has gone akimbo again!
Moe: Take that (hits Burns' knee)
Mr. Burns: Smithers! That precision assault popped it back into place!
Pin Pals: (chanting) Come on, Homer! Come on, Homer! Pretend this is baseball and give us a Homer!
(The Pin Pals show some team spirit.)
Homer: You can do it Otto, you can do it Otto! Help each other out, that'll be our motto.
Homer, Apu and Moe: You can do it Otto! You can do it Otto!
Apu: Make this spare, I'll give you free gelato.
Moe: Then back to my place, where I will get you blotto!
Homer: Domo arigato, Mister roboto!
Homer: I'm tired of being a wanna-be league bowler! I wanna be a league bowler!
Bart: Omigod! The MAD Magazine Special Edition! They only put out seventeen of these a year!
Milhouse: Boy, they're really socking it to that Spiro Agnew guy! He must work there or something.
Mr. Burns: The only ship thats worth a damn is friendship...here comes the friendship boat sailing your way--
(He drops a napkin boat into Homer's beer and puts his hand in to remove it.)
Mr. Burns: Oh let me get that for you friend. Damn lost a nail. Well thats leprosy for you.
(Principal Skinner loses himself in thoughts of Vietnam.)
Principal Skinner: I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right.
Moe: Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?! For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt unless you're on a team. Well, I'm better than dirt--well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I--I can't compete with that stuff.
Homer: I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change, then quickly change back.
Moe: That's it. Either Burns goes, or Moe goes.
Apu: Yes, I'm afraid I'm going to have to make a similar threat, with my name in place of Moe's ... name.
(Bart and Lisa complain about their new uniforms.)
Bart: Mo-o-om! My slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
(Homer is on the phone in the background.)
Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: Homer, watch your mouth!
Homer: Oh, I Gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.
Lisa: We are not wieners!
Homer: Then what are you dressed like that for?
Bart and Lisa: They made us.
Homer: (Mocking) Oh, they made us! (Stern) That's loser talk! You gotta start acting more like me and my team! The future league champions of the world! Nothing's gonna stop us now!
(Cut to Mr. Burns discovering the $500 check he wrote for Homer's team.)
(Homer desperately seeks $500 to register his bowling team.)
Marge: No, I will not pay you $500 for sex!
Homer: Aw, come on, Marge! You're getting something in return! And I'm getting a bowling team. It's win-win!
Marge: It's sick! And I don't have that kind of money to spend on sex! Maybe you could get someone with money to sponsor your team. Like Mr. Burns.
Homer: Pfft. Burns never gives money to anybody. Just last week, I asked him for $1,500.
Marge: For what?
Homer: Oh, I've got to get the third degree from you, too?
The Oscar Homer tries flushing down the toilet was originally inscribed with Dr. Haing S. Ngor's name, for his win for Best Supporting Actor in The Killing Fields (1984), but was subsequently altered on both syndication prints and the 7th season DVD sets to read Don Ameche's name, in reference to his win for the same award for Cocoon (1985), after Ngor was murdered in 1996.
Blackboard Joke: I am not certified to remove asbestos.
Couch Gag: The family sits down as normal. The camera zooms in on a mouse hole and a mouse version of the family do the same things as their human counterparts.
At the end of the episode, before the Gracie Films logo appears, the words "In Loving Memory of Doris Grau" appear on the screen. Grau died of respiratory complications at the end of December 1995 and consequently this is the last speaking appearance of Lunchlady Doris.
Mr. Burns: Why it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your lucky charms!
A reference to the cold breakfast cereal, Lucky Charms. Mr. Burns mistakes Hans Moleman for the Lucky the Leprechaun, the mascot for Lucky Charms brand cereal.
The Jazz Singer
Doris' remark "I have no son!" is a reference to 1927 film The Jazz Singer.
Kent Brockman and his fellow bowling team members are wearing the name "Channel 6 Wastelanders" on their shirts. In 1961, FCC chairman Newton Minow, gave a speech in which he applied the now infamous term "vast wasteland" to the television industry.
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