The Simpsons Season 7 Episode 18

Grampa: (seeing Chester) I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins so you can paint my chicken coop, and you never did it!

Chester: Those corn muffins were terrible!

Grampa: Paint my chicken coop!

Chester: Make me! (Grampa pounces on Chester and a fight ensues.)

Marge: One of them has to got to go!

Homer: Okay, Grampa.

Krusty: And I'd like to thank Lester for reuniting me with my estranged wife.
Bart: I never even heard about that.

Bart: Dad, can we have $183,000?
Homer: (gets out his wallet) What for?
Bart: Lisa and I want to finance a series of animated cartoons.
Homer: Oh. Forget it!

Lionel Hutz: My client's film predates all of those things, Your Honor.
Blue Haired Lawyer: Oh yes! I've forgotten! Your famous film, the one you destroyed before the trial and haven't been able to find another copy of! Oh yes, that film!
Lionel Hutz: Yes. You don't have a copy, do you?

Roger Meyers Jr.: So let's review. You two screwballs have just strolled in here fresh from the sewer and given me a bunch of bulldink about creating Itchy with no proof at all, and you expect me to give you… how much?
Chester: 800 billion dollars.

Homer: Oh, it's just Bart and a mysterious stranger.

Bart: You can't just go back to the gutter. You created Itchy, you should be a millionaire.
Chester: Ah, Roger Meyers wouldn't give me a cent in the '20s. Why would he give me anything now?
Bart: You asked Roger Meyers Sr. for money. Roget Meyers Jr. is in charge of the studio now. He's a good man; every Christmas he goes down to the pound and rescues one cat and one mouse and gives them to a hungry family.

Chester: He didn't create Itchy; I did.
Bart: Huh?
Chester: He stole the character from me in 1928. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office, and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.

Susan: Oh, now the parade has entered Bumtown! Oh, it's all just so exciting Dave!
Dave: This certainly seems to be a poorly planned parade route.

Lisa: Hey, the comic book store is still open.
Bart: Save our seats.
Homer: Will do.
(a couple takes their place immediately)
Man: Hello.
(Homer moans)

Kent Brockman: Tonight, a stowaway bear is terrorizing space shuttle astronauts. But first, a sneak peak at tomorrow's Itchy & Scratchy parade.

Chester: And here's a couple of bucks for your trouble.
Homer: Woohoo! Look Marge, a couple of bucks!

Roger Meyers Jr: Well, kid, I hope you're happy. The studio has become bankrupt. You've just killed Itchy & Scratchy.
Bart: We killed Itchy & Scratchy?
Chester: Good riddance! Wanna go celebrate? I feel like liver and onions…

Roger Meyers Jr.: Okay, maybe my dad did steal Itchy, but so what?! Animation is built on plagiarism! If it weren't for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners, we wouldn't have The Flintstones! If someone hadn't ripped off Sgt. Bilko, there'd be no Top Cat! Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum, Yogi Bear… Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney! Your honor, if you take away our right to steal ideas, where are they gonna come from? (points to Marge) Her?
Marge: (thinks to herself) How about Ghost Mutt?

Lionel Hutz: Your Honor, I'd like to call all of my suprise witnesses again.

Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says "No money down."
Lionel Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up.
Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?
Lionel Hutz: No, money down! Oops, shouldn't have this bar association logo here either.

Lisa: Mom, there's a weird smell and a lot of cursing coming from the basement and dad's upstairs.

Bart: There's a box you can sleep in. Just move that cot out of the way.
Chester: Okay.
Bart: Do you know what radon is?
Chester: No.
Bart: Goodnight.

Bart: Well, I'm not calling you a liar, but ... but I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.

Homer: (at the parade) Which one's Itchy? The car?
Bart: The mouse.
Homer: Oh, I guess that's not him, then.

Bart: How come I've never seen that Itchy & Scratchy before?
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps because you're a pre-prepubescent ignoramus. This is a bootleg copy of Itchy & Scratchy Meets Fritz the Cat. Because of its frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption, it is not for infantile intellects such as yours, now toodle-ooh.

Kent Brockman: Hello everybody, I'm here live on Main Street where dedicated fans are already sticking out the best seats for the big anniversary parade.
Bart and Lisa: (gasp) Bye mom, bye dad.
Homer: Bye kids, on your way back pick up a six pack of beer.

Lisa: So it's true: some cartoons do encourage violence.
(punches Bart)
Bart: Ow! We gotta get Itchy & Scratchy back.
Lisa: And soon.

Bart: (seeing drawing of Itchy) Cool! I'll give you ten bucks for that.
Comic Book Guy: Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh. That drawing's worth exactly 750 dollars American.
Bart: It's valuable, huh?
Comic Book Guy: (sarcastically) Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go! For the good of the city!
Bart: (walks away) Loser.

Lionel Hutz: Well we got plenty of hearsay conjecture, those are kinds of evidence.

(Bart and Milhouse watch an "Itchy" short, where the mouse runs into an Irishman.)
Milhouse: Look out Itchy. He's Irish!