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Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Roger Meyers Jr.
Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure and Additional Voices
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
While stalling for time, Lionel Hutz calls all of his surprise witnesses back in. One of these witnesses is writer John Swartzwelder.
Goof: There were some animation errors in this episode, pointed out by Matt Groening himself on the Season 7, Disc 3, and they were: The pile of ashes from the burnt up reel mysteriously disappears, the canister changes from black to pink, the hall to the basement, and mouse hole should be dark, not the same colors as the lit walls.
Lyrics to "Amendment To Be"
Boy: (spoken) Hey, who left all this garbage lying on the steps of Congress?
Amendment: (spoken) I'm not garbage.
(sung) I'm an amendment to be,
Yes, an amendment to be,
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me,
There's a lot of flag burners,
Who have got too much freedom,
I wanna make it legal,
For policemen to beat 'em,
'Cause there's limits to our liberties.
'Least I hope and pray that there are,
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.
Boy: (spoken) But why can't we just make a law against flag burning?
Amendment: (spoken) Because that law would be unconstitutional.
But if we changed the Constitution...
Boy: (spoken) Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Amendment: (spoken) Now you're catching on!
(brief breakaway as Bart and Lisa comment on what they're seeing)
Bart: What the Hell is this?
Lisa: It's one of those campy '70s throwbacks that appeal to Generation-Xers.
Bart: We need another Vietnam to out their ranks a little.
back to show
Boy: (spoken) But what if they say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?
Amendment: (sung) Then I'll destroy all opposition to me,
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay,
If he fights back,
I'll say that he's gay!
Fat Senator: (running up) Good news, Amendment! They ratified 'ya. You're in the U.S. Constitution!
Amendment: (spoken, estatic) Oh, yeah! Door's open, boys!
(Many bills and amendments run in, behaving wildly and shooting guns; bombs fly everywhere. The crowd cheers enthusiastically as the Senator lifts the boy and the Amendment on his shoulders; both raise their hands triumphantly.)
Grampa: (seeing Chester) I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins so you can paint my chicken coop, and you never did it!
Chester: Those corn muffins were terrible!
Grampa: Paint my chicken coop!
Chester: Make me! (Grampa pounces on Chester and a fight ensues.)
Marge: One of them has to got to go!
Homer: Okay, Grampa.
Krusty: And I'd like to thank Lester for reuniting me with my estranged wife.
Bart: I never even heard about that.
Bart: Dad, can we have $183,000?
Homer: (gets out his wallet) What for?
Bart: Lisa and I want to finance a series of animated cartoons.
Homer: Oh. Forget it!
Lionel Hutz: My client's film predates all of those things, Your Honor.
Blue Haired Lawyer: Oh yes! I've forgotten! Your famous film, the one you destroyed before the trial and haven't been able to find another copy of! Oh yes, that film!
Lionel Hutz: Yes. You don't have a copy, do you?
Roger Meyers Jr.: So let's review. You two screwballs have just strolled in here fresh from the sewer and given me a bunch of bulldink about creating Itchy with no proof at all, and you expect me to give you… how much?
Chester: 800 billion dollars.
Homer: Oh, it's just Bart and a mysterious stranger.
Bart: You can't just go back to the gutter. You created Itchy, you should be a millionaire.
Chester: Ah, Roger Meyers wouldn't give me a cent in the '20s. Why would he give me anything now?
Bart: You asked Roger Meyers Sr. for money. Roget Meyers Jr. is in charge of the studio now. He's a good man; every Christmas he goes down to the pound and rescues one cat and one mouse and gives them to a hungry family.
Chester: He didn't create Itchy; I did.
Chester: He stole the character from me in 1928. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office, and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.
Susan: Oh, now the parade has entered Bumtown! Oh, it's all just so exciting Dave!
Dave: This certainly seems to be a poorly planned parade route.
Lisa: Hey, the comic book store is still open.
Bart: Save our seats.
Homer: Will do.
(a couple takes their place immediately)
Kent Brockman: Tonight, a stowaway bear is terrorizing space shuttle astronauts. But first, a sneak peak at tomorrow's Itchy & Scratchy parade.
Chester: And here's a couple of bucks for your trouble.
Homer: Woohoo! Look Marge, a couple of bucks!
Roger Meyers Jr: Well, kid, I hope you're happy. The studio has become bankrupt. You've just killed Itchy & Scratchy.
Bart: We killed Itchy & Scratchy?
Chester: Good riddance! Wanna go celebrate? I feel like liver and onions…
Roger Meyers Jr.: Okay, maybe my dad did steal Itchy, but so what?! Animation is built on plagiarism! If it weren't for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners, we wouldn't have The Flintstones! If someone hadn't ripped off Sgt. Bilko, there'd be no Top Cat! Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum, Yogi Bear… Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney! Your honor, if you take away our right to steal ideas, where are they gonna come from? (points to Marge) Her?
Marge: (thinks to herself) How about Ghost Mutt?
Lionel Hutz: Your Honor, I'd like to call all of my suprise witnesses again.
Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says "No money down."
Lionel Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up.
Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?
Lionel Hutz: No, money down! Oops, shouldn't have this bar association logo here either.
Lisa: Mom, there's a weird smell and a lot of cursing coming from the basement and dad's upstairs.
Bart: There's a box you can sleep in. Just move that cot out of the way.
Bart: Do you know what radon is?
Bart: Well, I'm not calling you a liar, but ... but I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.
Homer: (at the parade) Which one's Itchy? The car?
Bart: The mouse.
Homer: Oh, I guess that's not him, then.
Bart: How come I've never seen that Itchy & Scratchy before?
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps because you're a pre-prepubescent ignoramus. This is a bootleg copy of Itchy & Scratchy Meets Fritz the Cat. Because of its frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption, it is not for infantile intellects such as yours, now toodle-ooh.
Kent Brockman: Hello everybody, I'm here live on Main Street where dedicated fans are already sticking out the best seats for the big anniversary parade.
Bart and Lisa: (gasp) Bye mom, bye dad.
Homer: Bye kids, on your way back pick up a six pack of beer.
Lisa: So it's true: some cartoons do encourage violence.
Bart: Ow! We gotta get Itchy & Scratchy back.
Lisa: And soon.
Bart: (seeing drawing of Itchy) Cool! I'll give you ten bucks for that.
Comic Book Guy: Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh. That drawing's worth exactly 750 dollars American.
Bart: It's valuable, huh?
Comic Book Guy: (sarcastically) Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go! For the good of the city!
Bart: (walks away) Loser.
Lionel Hutz: Well we got plenty of hearsay conjecture, those are kinds of evidence.
(Bart and Milhouse watch an "Itchy" short, where the mouse runs into an Irishman.)
Milhouse: Look out Itchy. He's Irish!
Marge: Bart, Lisa, it's 11:00 at night. Where do you think you're going?
Lisa: We gotta get seats for the Itchy & Scratchy parade.
Marge: I won't have my children sitting alone on a cold, dangerous street all night. Homer, you go too.
Homer: Ohh… Why can't they just take the gun?
Actor Kirk Douglas insisted on doing all of his scenes only one time, according to the DVD commentary.
Blackboard Joke: None.
Couch Gag: The family comes in, but they are gray outlines. Robotic arms come in and detail them.
Lester and Eliza resemble Bart and Lisa during the Tracy Ullman Era (1987-1990).
The "I'm Just a Bill" parody featured the voice of Jack Sheldon from the original School House Rock! episode.
Comic Book Guy: Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh.
Hi and Lois is a comic strip about a suburban family, created by Mort Walker and drawn by Dik Browne. It debuted on October 18, 1954 and is distributed by King Features Syndicate.
Walt Disney / Ub Iwerks
The relationship between Roger Meyers Sr. and Chester J. Lampwick mirrors the real-life relationship between Walt Disney and his chief animator in the 1920's, Ub Iwerks, who created Mickey Mouse, but never received the credit.
Comic Book Guy: This is a bootleg copy of Itchy and Scratchy Meet Fritz the Cat. Because of it's frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption, it is not for infantile intellect, such as yours, now toodle-oo.
Fritz the Cat, released in 1972, was the first animated movie to receive an X rating. It paved the way for much of today's modern adult animation, including The Simpsons. Coincidentally, Comic Book Guy was based on animator Ralph Bakshi, who wrote and directed Fritz the Cat.
This episode title is a play on the memorable lyric to Don McLean's 1971 hit, "American Pie" ("The day the music died").
The educational short – which airs on the Krusty the Klown Show as a replacement for Itchy & Scratchy – parodies the endearing Schoolhouse Rock! short, "I'm Just a Bill," which tells how a bill becomes law, using the tame law of requiring school buses to stop at railroad crossings. The parody version explains, to the exact tune, the process of amending the Constitution – this time, using the hot-button issue of stopping flag burning. Jack Sheldon sings both memorable songs.
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