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Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Three songs are featured in this episode: "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band and "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher.
Homer: Oh my God! I'm gonna be killed by a bear! Well, I guess I don't have to worry anymore about the dangers of smoking. (lights up a pipe and begins smoking it) Smooth…
Grandpa: Welcome to Sprawl Mart!
Lisa: Grandpa?! You have a job?
Homer: How dare you challenge my perceptions of what old people can do!
(pushing a trolley full of stuff)
Homer: But I still haven't found the perfect gift for Marge! Only imperfect stuff for me…
(to Patty and Selma)
Homer: I never thought I'd say this, but you slags are alright.
(things keep getting stuck to Homer's ball of candy)
Homer: Ah! Ants! Ah! Birds! Ah! Cats! Ah! Flanderises!!!
Marge: Homie, it's time you got rid of that thing. All that candy is rotting your brain.
Candy Ball: I think you should get rid of her… then we can be together. Forever!
Homer: Maybe you're right, Marge. Or maybe you're right Candy Ball… no, Marge. Hmm, then again… no, Marge! Definitely Marge.
(Homer is throwing away the candy ball)
Homer: Good-bye, old friend. I'll think of you whenever I have a stroke or a heart attack.
Bart: Dad, you got attacked by a bear?!
Homer: (angry) I did a lot of stuff today. I went to Starbucks, but you didn't see that on tape.
Homer: Gentlemen! Sometimes a man must put his marriage at risk for reasons that are confusing, even to him.
Marge: Is there any sign of my husband?
Grant Conner: (looking at tracks on the ground) Hmm, your husband appears to be traveling with the bear. Either as hostage or as, what we call, a 'forest bride'.
Lisa: He made it! He's finally protected from man.
Bart: Yeah, but now he's being attacked by an elephant!
Homer: Kids, we're going Mother's Day shopping. I'm glad this holiday only comes every four years.
Patty: Hey, look! It's Hairy-Ass Tubman.
Homer: Well, well... if it isn't Fatty and Smellma!
Homer: If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die a man.
Grant Connor: Mr. Simpson, if you want to find that bear that attacked you, use this. It tracks an electronic tag I stuck in the bear's ear. It's the same technology they use to keep tabs on Gary Busey.
Homer: Finally... science has joined forces with revenge.
Bart: I'm gonna pour caramel on my clothes; and then – finally – I can eat my shorts.
(watching Christian videos with talking vegetables on TV)
Pickle Moses: Mighty Yamesees, we are weary of building your food pyramid. Let my pickles go!
Homer: Mmmm, Moses... (drools)
Homer: If something happens to me, you have to carry on the Simpson name.
Bart: Screw that! When I turn grow up I'm legally changing my name to 'Joe Kickass'.
(Homer accidentally knocks the books off the shelves in Maggie's room. He picks one up and reads the cover)
Homer: 'The Bear Went Over The Mountain?!?'
(picks up another book)
Homer: 'The Berenstain Bears?!?'
(picks up another book)
Homer: Oh… Goldilocks… And The Three Bears!!! Arrrgh!!!
Lou: Chief, that guy shouldn't be in the carpool lane. His passenger is just a big piece of candy.
Chief Wiggum: I wish mine was.
Chief Wiggum: Nothin'.
Grandpa: Here's what you gotta do: find that bear that whipped ya and whip 'im back!
Homer: Can I fight human style, by slowly poisoning his environment until he loses his fur and becomes sterile?
Lisa: You can strangle Bart, but you can't strangle your humiliation.
Homer: It's a deal!
Grant Connor: Now listen! The bull grizzly is 7 feet tall, weighs more than a Mazda Miata, and can tear through a tree like a Jewish mother through self-esteem.
Homer: Well, I'm gonna make sure it never harms another living creature!
(throws electric clip into the water, killing loads of fish and a scuba diver)
Homer: Wait, stop! I know bullets can be scary sometimes, but I have an idea. First, we pull off all your fur.
(pulls the bears fur, but gets growled at)
Homer: Alright, alright, I'm still thinking. Huh! They're looking for a male bear, right?
(pulls out a knife, but the bear knocks it away)
Homer: Oh, it's so easy to condemn, so hard to create.
(the bear is hitting the elephant with a baseball bat)
Homer: Circle of Life.
Homer: Are you a care bear?
Care Bear: I'm an intensive care bear.
Homer: Why does a bear need a crowbar?
Care Bear: I don't like to get my hands dirty.
Marge: Mr Connor, thank you for helping find my husband. I don't want my last words to him to be "clip your toenails, they look like Fritos".
(Homer is modelling his suit of armour)
Marge: Homer, there's no rear on that thing.
Homer: I know. If I get really scared, I don't want to ruin the suit!
Homer: What can I say? I love nature!
Homer: Is this thing hurting you?
(pulls the tag off the bears ear, attaches it to his own and starts running around screaming as he gets shocked)
Homer: (pulls the tag off) Okay, it's probably the tag… but just to be sure.
(puts it back on his own ear and starts screaming again)
Lisa: Dad, you can't take revenge on an animal. That's the whole point of Moby Dick.
Homer: Lisa, the point of Moby Dick is be yourself.
Homer: That's it kids… suckle daddy's sugar ball…
A FOX promo had Homer saying "I'm going to die like a man ---- standing up and pissing my pants!" The parts about pissing pants was cut.
The mention of a Mazda Miata by the hunter is the second time this season of a character talking about a Miata (the first time was in "The President Wore Pearls" when Homer was making fun of Nelson).
Abe's website is shown as http://www.old-coot.com/, but unlike other Simpsons website listings, this domain appears to belong to someone else.
The song "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor was played not only during Homer's "tinkering session" building the suit, but was also played in the preview (and subsequently the episode) for the season premiere of "The Bernie Mac Show. Perhaps FOX recently acquired the rights for the song and is getting their money's worth?
Homer must wish that Springfield still had the Bear Patrol ("Much Apu About Nothing" - Season 7).
Blackboard Joke: None.
Couch Gag: In an homage to the 1960's spy-comedy Get Smart (complete with music), Homer goes through a series of secure doorways, goes inside a telephone booth, dials a number and falls through the floor onto the couch in his proper position, joining the rest of the family.
When Homer dips his head in the cotton candy machine, he says, "Only my hairdresser knows for sure." This is a nod to the old Clairol commercials back in the 60's in which the voice-over said "Does she or doesn't she…only her hairdresser knows for sure."
The bear in Homer's protective suit running through the hunter's gauntlet is a direct spoof of the 1977 Clint Eastwood film "The Gauntlet."
Many elements of the show's plot – including Homer removing the tracking device that was causing the bear much discomfort and the grateful bear bonding with Homer thereafter – are lifted from old folk tales, including "Androcles and the Lion" and Aesop's "The Slave and the Lion."
The name of the mega-discount store Sprawl-Mart is a play on the Wal-Mart name.
The opening couch gag (Homer walking through a series of closing doors before falling through a chute in a pay telephone booth and into his correct position on the couch) pays homage to the 1960's spy-comedy Get Smart.
The Christian vegetable program seen at the beginning of the episode is a parody of "VeggieTales."
The suit Homer creates is based on the one created by Troy James Hurtubise, a self-styled "close-quarter bear researcher" and seen the documentary "Project Grizzly." Visit the "More Info" link to find out more about this suit and to see a clip of Troy testing it out.
The title is a parody of the title of the 2001 movie, "The Fast and The Furious."
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