Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Roger Myers Jr.
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure and Additional Voices
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
While it's understandable that Poochie's voice changes in his last appearance (because the TV execs removed Homer's speech) it doesn't make sense that the animation was poor. The only person that was upset about Poochie being killed off was Homer, so the animators would still have done their job properly.
An actual note from the Fox Censors regarding this episode: "It will not be acceptable for Itchy to stab Scratchy in the guts and yank his intestine out and use it as a bungee cord."
One of the writers was fired in the first conference, the man with the long brown hair and goatee. However, he appears in the background of the taping of Poochie's final episode!
If Poochie was supposed to be dead forever, then that would apply to all characters, which means that Itchy, Scratchy, and Poochie would all be dead. Yet, Scratchy is alive after he dies in every episode of Itchy and Scratchy.(except for the Itchy and Scratchy episode in episode #84 of the Simpsons(a.k.a. Homer Goes To Collage)where Itchy finally dies)
Nitpick: June Bellamy states that she did the original "BEEP" voice of the Roadrunner. In reality, this sound effect was done by Paul Julian, a background artist for the original WB shorts. He made the sound once and was most likely indifinitely repeated throught the entire series of the Roadrunner cartoons.
Homer: Will this episode be going to air live?
June: No Homer, very few cartoons go to air live. It's a tremendous strain on the animator's wrist.
(In the latest episode of "Itchy and Scratchy," Itchy has frozen Scratchy in an ice block for an ice-sculpting contest. Itchy begins to slice Scratchy with a chainsaw, but then Poochie walks in.)
Scratchy: Well, look who's here!
Itchy: Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?
Poochie: Yes, I certainly do! (his image freezes, and we hear Myers's voice dubbing over the image, saying…) I have to go now. My planet needs me.
(The animation cel with Poochie on it actually slides upward in a choppy manner as a slide-whistle sound is heard. Then a note in red marker appears, reading: "NOTE: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.)
Bart: Tough break, Dad. I guess people just weren't ready for Poochie. Maybe in a few years.
Roy: Good news, everybody. I'm moving into my own apartment with two sexy ladies.
Marge: Oh, then I guess this is good-bye, Roy. Maybe we'll see you in a few years.
Homer: Now kids, I know you loved the old Poochie, but the new one is going to be better than ten Super Bowls! I don't want to oversell it, judge for yourselves.
Homer: I won't let them treat Poochie like dirt anymore just because he's the new guy.
Roy: Right on, Mr. S!
Homer: Put a sock in it, Roy.
Marge: It's not your fault, Homer. It's those lousy writers. They make me madder than a… um… yak in heat!
Homer: Then they said they were going to kill Poochie off!
Bart: (joyful) Really?! (faking sadness) Oh, how terrible.
Lisa: Yes. Terrible.
(Homer pitches some suggestions for the "Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show.)
Homer: One, Poochie needs to be louder, angrier, and have access to a time machine. Two, whenever Poochie's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Poochie"? Three--
Roger Myers Jr.: Great, great. Just leave them right there on the floor on your way out.
Kent Brockman: (Talking about Poochie) Far be it from me to gloat at another's downfall, but I have a feeling that no children are gonna be crying when this puppy is put to sleep.
Homer: Well, at least I liked it. Didn't I?
Homer's Brain: Oh, you don't want to know what I really think. Now look sad and say "D'oh".
Homer: (sadly) D'oh…
Homer: So, it was pretty okay, huh?
Bart: Mom, can we go to bed without dinner?
Marge: Yes we can.
(A large group gathers at the Simpson home to watch the "Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show.")
Moe: Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on? Midge, help me out here.
Homer: Quiet! You're missing the jokes!
Scratchy: Ooh, Poochie is one outrageous dude.
Itchy: He's totally in my face.
Itchy: Look, Scratchy, it's our new friend, Poochie.
Scratchy: What's that name again? I forgot.
Krusty: Once in a great while, we are privileged to experience a television event so extraordinary, it becomes part of our shared heritage. (Pictures on a man on the moon appear in the background) 1969: Man walks on the moon. (picture of astronaut playing golf on the moon) 1971: Man walks on the moon… again. Then, for a long time, nothing happened. Until tonight.
Comic Book Guy: Your attention, please.
Fan: Uh, in episode…
Comic Book Guy: Your attention, please! … Mr. Simpson will now be autographing 8x10 glossies of Poochie, ONE per customer. Please form a line. There will be no cutting. I'm talking to you, Mr. Cutter.
Comic Book Guy: (cutting the line) Pardon me, look out, pardon me, excuse me, hot soup… Hi. Kindly make one out to me, and three out to my friend of the same name.
Homer: How'd you get to be so good?
June: Oh, just experience I suppose. I started out as Roadrunner. Meep!
Homer: You mean "meep-meep"?
June: No, they only paid me to say it once, then they doubled it up on the soundtrack. … Cheap bastards.
Homer: Ruff, ruff! I'm Poochie, the rockin' dog!
Myers: Now, that's just bad. You've got no attitude, you're barely outrageous, and I don't know what you're in, but it's not my face. Next!
Homer: (angry) Oh, no attitude, eh? Not in your face, huh? Well, you can cram it with walnuts, ugly!
Myers: That's it! That's the Poochie attitude, do that again!
Homer: Huh? I can't, I don't remember what I did.
Myers: Then you don't get the job. Next!
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, I don't get the job, do I? We-ell boo-hoo! I don't get to be a cartoon dog!
Myers: That's it, you've got the job!
Homer: (still sarcastic) Oh, now I've got the job, huh? (realizes) Oh, thank you.
Bart: Hey, Lis, look! They're adding a new character to Itchy & Scratchy! …… Poochie the dog?!
Lisa: Adding a new character is often a desperate attempt to boost low ratings.
Roy: Yo, yo! How's it hangin' everybody!
Marge: Morning, Roy!
Homer: Yeah, hi, Roy.
Man: We want you to tell us what you think. And, be honest, because no one from the show is here spying on you.
(a sneezing sound comes from behind a huge mirror in the room)
Lisa: Why is that mirror sneezing?
Man: Ah, look, it's just an old, creaky mirror, y' know, sometimes it sounds a little like its sneezing, or coughing, or talking softly. (The man gives the mirror a thumbs up)
Lisa: (suspiciously) Hmm…
Stranger: Would you kids like to come with me?
Bart: Sounds good to me! Let's go!
Lisa: Okay! Guess so.
Krusty: (to Myers) Get out! Don't come back 'il you fixed Itchy & Scratchy!
(Myers walks out, slamming Krusty's office door so hard that it comes of the hinges, and shatters the window.)
Woman: Okay, Mel, you can go in now.
Mel: Krusty, I've come to solicit donations for the Rock 'N Roll museum, and… (Krusty angrily stares at him) uh… I'll come back later!
Bart: Well, yeah, Mom. I mean, we love you and Dad too, but God knows we don't need to see you every day.
Marge: An occasional hug is all I ask. (hugs him)
Bart: Mom! You can hug me when I'm asleep.
Marge: I do!
("Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie" theme song)
Voice A: They fight! And bite!
Poochie: And bark!
Voice A: They fight and bite and bite!
Poochie: And bark!
Voice A: Fight bite bark!
Poochie: Woof woof woof!
Voice A: The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show!
The name's Poochie D.
And I rock the telly.
I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli.
I'm the Kung-Fu hippie,
from Gangsta City.
I'm a rappin' surfer.
You the fool I pity.
Comic Book Guy: Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
Comic Book Guy: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free! What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them!
Comic Book Guy: Worst episode ever.
Homer: I'm the worst Poochie, ever.
Lisa: No, it's not your fault, Dad. You did fine. It's just that Poochie was a soulless by-product of committee thinking. You can't be cool just by sprouting a bunch of worn-out buzzwords.
Bart: Hey, don't have a cow, Lis.
Doug: Hi, question for Ms. Bellamy. In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes that same rib twice in succession yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we, to believe that this is some sort of a, a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
June Bellamy: Uh, well, uh...
Homer: I'll field this one. Let me ask you a question. Why would a man whose shirt says "Genius at Work" spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show?
Doug: I withdraw my question.
Database: Excuse me, Mr. Simpson, on the Itchy & Scratchy CD-ROM, is there a way to get out of the dungeon without a wizard's key?
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?
Krusty the Clown: Poochie's dead! (laughs) Now, kids, we all know sometimes when cartoon characters die, they are back again the very next week. (holds up a document) That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return.
Lisa: Umm...excuse me there is nothing wrong with "Itchy & Scratchy," but after so many years, the characters lose something of their impact.
Roger Myers Jr. : That's it. That's it, little girl! You've saved "Itchy & Scratchy"!
Blue Haired Lawyer: Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save "Itchy & Scratchy".
(The new Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie show has just finished airing.)
Nelson: Ugh, that stunk!
Homer: Well, what did everybody think?
Flanders: Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of Impy and Chimpy I've ever seen.
Carl: Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer. You, uh...you got a beautiful home here.
Krusty: (Brainstorming about Poochie) So he's proactive, huh?
Network Executive: Oh God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
Writer: Excuse me, but, "proactive" and "paradigm?" Aren't those just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that.
(Silent pause in the room.)
Writer: I'm fired, aren't I?
Roger Meyers Jr.: Oh, yes.
Jasper: Is this seat taken, little girl?
Bart: I'm a boy! What are you, blind?
Roy's purpose in this show is a mock reference about a new character living with the Simpsons.
First Appearance: Lindsey Naegle
This is the first Itchy and Scratchy-themed episode not to be written by John Swartzwelder.
The person who is seen designing Poochie is based on David Silverman, long time Simpsons Director and Producer.
This episode is the writers' response to a segment of "Simpsons" fans who are sometimes (at least in the writers minds, anyway) overly critical of the show.
June Bellamy, the voice of Itchy and Scratchy, is a pun on the famous voice actress, June Foray.
Homer, Hans Moleman, Jimbo, Kearney, Lional Hutz, Troy McClure, Otto, and Ms. Hoover all try out for the role of Poochie.
Blackboard Joke: None.
Couch Gag: In a parody of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, the Simpson family members are dressed in full Sgt. Pepper uniforms, as they to their couch in front of a backdrop of secondary characters that have appeared on the show.
The Itchy & Scratchy Show writers were animated to look like the writers from The Simpsons.
Roy: Good news, everybody. I'm moving into my own apartment with two sexy ladies!
This is a reference to the premise in the ABC sitcom Three's Company.
Itchy & Scratchy Title: The Beagle Has Landed.
The Apollo 11 Lunar Module was named Eagle. After landing on the moon on July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong famously said, "Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed." Also, The Beagle Has Landed is the title of a collection of Peanuts cartoons.
Writer: A dog? Isn't that a tad predictable?
Lindsy Nagle: In your dreams. We're talking the original dog from hell.
Writer: You mean Cerberus?
In Greek mythology, the underworld of Hades was guarded by Cerberus, a huge ferocious dog with three heads.
Lisa: Haven't you ever listened to yourself on a tape recorder?
Homer: I prefer to listen to Cheap Trick.
Cheap Trick was a band that had a few hits in the 1980s like "Dream Police" and also "Mighty Wings," which was on the Top Gun sountrack and played over the movie's closing credits.
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