Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
At the mall, when Marge talk about the bird Homer use to
argue with, we see the bird, and it's green and red, in the
next scene, we see it in the background ("if it isn't
professor know-it-all"), but this time it's entirely red.
The next time we see it, after Bart makes Gil bend down to
try some shoes on Bart, we see it again, this time, it's
green and red.
Krusty: So this afternoon two suits come up to me and ask me to endorse a new sports utility vehicle.
Homer: Don't you hate pants?!!
Agnes: Oh you're burning it all wrong Seymour.
Principle Skinner: It's my allowance mother; I'll burn it however I want.
Bart: I don't get it, Krusty. You said you would never be a shill again!
Krusty: Me, I learned something about myself today. It ain't comedy that's in my blood. It's selling out.
Homer: Heh heh heh, from now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!
Homer: You too, Bart!
Marge: Oh, knock it off, Homer; you're the fattest one in the car!
Homer: (shocked) You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge!
Exec 1: Wow… they're hanging on his every word! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Exec 2: I hope so… (puts his hand on his colleague's)
Exec 1: I thought I made myself clear in Boston.
(Marge and Homer enter Moe's)
Marge: Four drink minimum?
Homer: I'll cover ya, honey.
Krusty: Last night's comedy benefit delivered wall-to-wall laughs without exception… Phew! The only exception was the dated humor of Springfield's green haired, red-nosed hack… (turns pages) Yeah yeah yeah… Krusty the Clown! Ohhhhh…
Guy: Five minutes, Krusty.
Krusty: Oh, I ain't going back out there.
Guy: No, five minutes to get your stuff and get out!
Janeane Garofalo: I got my period today.
Marge: (Spits out drink in shock) Good lord!
Janeane Garofalo: Plus got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.
Homer: (laughing hysterically) Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!
Bart: Yeah, excuse me, I'm looking for somebody called.. Jay Leno.
Jay Leno: Somebody wanna get this kid a TV?
Bart: Wow, thanks, mister!
Lisa: Mom, these are at least two sizes two big!
Marge: Perfect, you'll grow into them!
Marge: Ooh, you're both way overdue for a spurt.
Marge: They need a good, stiff, all-purpose dress shoe. Something for church, but also for doctors appointments, dental checkups, piano recitals, building dedications, visiting elderly relatives, haircuts, and shoe shopping!
Gil: Well, we have a brown shoe.
Marge: You hear that kids, brown!
Marge: Oh, look! This is the perfect chance to get you kids some nice church shoes!
(Bart and Lisa sigh)
Bart: What do we need church shoes for, Jesus wore sandals.
Homer: Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him.
Lenny: I brought a bag of money in case he wants us to burn it again.
Homer: I hope he tells us to burn our pants. These are driving me nuts!
Krusty: Have you ever noticed how there are two phone books? A white one and a yellow one? What's the deal with that?
Lisa: One's residential, the other is business.
Krusty: Well, that...makes sense. What'll they think of next? Blue pages?
Marge: They have those. They're Government listings.
Krusty: I see.
Bart: And then of course there's mom, who sounds something like this: "Eat your vegetables," "Take a sweater," "I don't think that's a good idea," "Hmmmm."
Homer: (Laughs) Take that Marge!
Krusty: Ah! Ah! That burns! What the hell's on those things?
Bart: Here, quick, use my Krusty eye wash!
Krusty: No! Not on your life!
Todd: Wow! A Clown...do you think he's evil?
Rod: He smells evil.
Todd: Should we tell daddy?
Rod: No, let's poke him a little while longer.
Bart: Hey, get away from him, you little freaks!
Comedian: I finally got around to reading the dictionary...turns out the Zebra did it!
(The crowd laughs)
Homer: I don't get it.
Lisa: Dad, the Zebra didn't do it, its just a word at the end of the dictionary.
Homer: I still don't get it.
Lisa: It's just a joke.
Homer: Oooh! I get it! I get jokes. (Laughs)
Man: Excuse me sir, do you like to laugh?
Dr. Hibbert: Well...only if something tickles me just right.
(He then proceeds to laugh for about 10 seconds)
Gil: D'ouh…would you mind lacing them up kid I have a bad back.
Bart: Hey, if you didn't wanna tie shoes, you shouldn't have become a shoe salesman.
(Gil bends over and his back makes loud cracking noises)
The "Canyonero" Jingle:
Can you name the truck with the four-wheel drive?
Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,
sixty-five tons of American pride!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
She blinds everybody with her super high-beams,
She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin' drivin' machine.
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!
Whoa, Canyonero! Whoa!
(Homer walks into the bathroom about to take a pee)
Homer: Whoops, sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown!
Krusty: Well, they are, so make with the loofah, or get out of here!
Bart: Oh, these tangles are just impossible!
(Everyone looks at him.)
Bart: Well, they are!
Bart: Ew, what were you drinking, gasoline?
Krusty: Yes, I was drinking gasoline, Mother!
The bars Krusty visits are The Gutter Room, Blottos, and The Bloated Liver.
Blackboard Joke: Pain is not the cleanser.
Couch Gag: The couch is a trough filled with water. The family comes in with their butts on fire, sit in the trough, and breathe a sigh of relief as the fires are extinguished.
When Krusty gives his revamped monologue, he is groomed like George Carlin, pony tail and all.
Jay Leno and Krusty are talking in a coffee shop called Java the Hut, a play on the name of the Star Wars character Jabba the Hutt.
Krusty: You got some big-chinned schlub reading typos from the Palookaville Post! Here's a headline for you! Nobody cares!
This is a reference to Jay Leno's weekly "Headlines" feature on the "Tonight Show."
In making his retirement speech, Krusty cites the 1896 poem To An Athlete Dying Young by A. E. Housman.
The episode title parodies the title of the 1988 film The Last Temptation of Christ.
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