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Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Martin Prince, Sherri, Terri and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
The school has a swimming pool that appeared here for the first time.
Ralph: Lisa is a sellout! Lisa is a sellout! Lisa, what's a sellout?
Nelson:(Singing) I am Iron Man, Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Vote for me!
Nah, screw it.
Nelson: With the band gone, how will I know who to beat up?
Uter: Oh, they eliminated English for Fat Kids!
Nelson: Okay, you'll do.
Bart: Wake up, Lisa. Skinner is using you like a pawn in his unholy chess set.
Homer: On my chess set, the pawns are all Hamburglars.
Skinner: Our budget is stretched tighter than Mother's sauna pants.
(Agnes shows up in pink sauna suit)
Agnes: Seymour quit using me in analogies.
Skinner: Yes mother!
Willie: Back in Edinburgh, we had a coal strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie!
Lisa: Chief Wiggum we're just like you policemen. Don't you ever feel like the mayor doesn't care about you?
Wiggum: You mean the mayor who kept me waiting for two hours at that restaurant. I ate so much bread! Sit down, boys! We're joining this strike.
Lou: Uh, chief are you sure the mayor wasn't at a different restaurant than you?
Wiggum: Well I can't take that rattlesnake out of his mailbox now, can I?
Eddie: Yes chief, you could.
Wiggum: Well let me ask you this. Shut up.
Milhouse: And to think I was going to ask you to the dance!
Lisa: I would have gone with you..
Milhouse: Well, you still can!
Lisa: Well I don't feel like it now.
Milhouse: Awww! That's cool. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Lisa: I am going to be the best school president ever!
Bart: Bravo Lisa, Bravo.
Marge: Oh, isn't that sweet. Even your brother's adding his kudos!
Bart: I was being sarcastic!
Marge: You were?
Bart: No, I was being sincere!
Homer: Oh, I'm so confused!
Milhouse: The teachers lounge! Is it true they make fun of students in there?
Lisa: Oh don't be silly!
Willie: Look at me! I'm Milhouse, I tuck my shirt into me underpants. I've got no friends, so I confide in Willie!
Lisa: We deserve a French teacher who actually speaks French!
(starts speaking French)
French Teacher: What's she yakking about?
Skinner: Well, this was a disaster.
Martin: I should have known. The same thing happened on Saved By The Bell.
(At the school Vegas night)
Marge: I really shouldn't be here. I have a problem with games of chance. I played Candy Land with Maggie and ended up throwing vodka in her face.
Skinner: Congratulations Mr. Student Body President your casino night was a huge success.
Martin: Thanks Principal Skinner, I got the idea from an episode of Saved by the Bell.
Skinner: That was always on too late for me.
Homer: Why don't you start a rumor, that he's ding-a-ling-a-ling, hello! Oh oh-oh-oh-oh, what a delicious quiche! I drive a pink Miata! (Homer runs outside and can be seen through the window, dancing and singing "la la la la la".)
Lisa: I can't believe Nelson is more popular than me.
Marge: Honey you could be popular. You've just got to be yourself. In a whole new way!
Lisa: No, I'm gonna stick to my platform of incremental policy enumeration; fluoridated water fountains, vegan lunch options…
Homer: (returning, dressed in a tutu) My name is Nelson, I use a salad fork, la-de-da, I wash my face.
Marge: Where did you get that tutu?
(runs off giggling and throwing flowers in the air)
Lisa: What have I done?
Bart: What they wanted you to.
Lisa: Skinner betrayed me!
Bart: But a tango takes two.
President's Makeover song (a parody of 'Rainbow High' from 'Evita')
Faculty: Eyes, pearls, smile, hair points,
Dress, voice, shoes, swatch watch.
Lisa: I may be the new girl,
But you can't brainwash me.
Just Osh-Kosh B'Gosh me,
And then leave me be.
To fight for kid power,
I must be heard, not seen.
I have to lead wisely,
Not just primp and preen.
Faculty: Nails, dimples, ears, scrunchie,
Purse, lunchbox, teeth, Milhouse.
Lisa: This cuting-up suits me,
There's beauty within me.
So let's Olsen-twin me,
Give them someone to love.
This grown-up makeover,
Has made me a super-tween,
For they are my people,
And I am their queen!
Theme park zombie: Zombie eat brains, but zombie cannot swallow this injustice!
Homer: I'm not driving forty-five minutes a day! You can't go to that school!
Lisa: But this is my dream!
Homer: Why can't you have a normal dream, like being an Olympic figure-skater?
Lisa: Okay, let me take figure-skating.
Homer: Are you crazy? I'm not getting up at 6:30 every morning so you can prance around a frozen pond and think you're better than me.
Lisa: Well, what can I be?
Homer: I dunno, how about a horse whisperer?
Homer: Over my dead body!
Kent Brockman: Where did you get that statistic from?
Michael Moore: Your mother!
Homer: (playing roulette) D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Woo-hoo! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Woo-hoo! D'oh!…D'oh!…D'oh!…D'oh!…D'oh!… D'oh!…D'oh!……D'oh!……D'oh!……Woo-hoo!
Lisa: Don't cry for me kids of Springfield.
You can still reach me through e-mail.
At smart girl six three,
Lyrics to "Evil Plan":
Skinner: I'm so happy with my evil plan,
Say goodbye to Music, Gym, and Art.
Soon we will have the perfect school,
Where fun and excitement never start.
Willie: I'm so drunk I can barely see,
But it helps me get through another day.
My stomach is filled with haggas and baght,
I've got to go puke in some hay.
Bart: Lisa is a fool!
Skinner: I think the rules are cool
Willie: I'm fallin' in the pool!
Lyrics to "So Call Me Bookworm"
Lisa: I'm not that cool,
I don't wear jeans,
I've polished an apple or two,
But every grade that I grubbed,
I grubbed it for you.
So call me bookworm,
But I'll never squirm.
When there's work to be done,
Yes, I'll take my lunch at my desk.
While you're all outside having fun,
So vote for me, kids of Springfield,
If you want an effective leader,
I'll talk to teachers,
I'll handle Skinner,
A vote for Lisa,
Makes you a winner.
Marge: (to Lisa) This is the kind of thing I'd expect from your brother.
Bart: Cool! A blank check for mayhem.
(throws a brick at a window that bounces back and hits him on the head, knocking him onto the ground)
Superintendent Chalmers: I've got a question: you're crazy!
Otto: Well, I guess this story has a happy ending after all; just like my last massage.
Bart: Lisa is a nut, she has a rubber butt, everytime she turns around it goes putt-putt.
Homer: I wish I'd married a business man. Then I'd have nice things.
(while towing away the art room)
Willy: I'll be cooking my lean cuisine in your kiln tonight!
This episode was nominated for the 2004 Emmy Award for Outstanding Music and Lyrics for the song, "Vote for a Winner".
Lisa's email address: email@example.com. The person on the other end, who actually registered the email will take your emails and respond to them like Lisa. Whether or not it's someone from the show, or just a fan with too much free time is still unknown.
Blackboard Joke: None.
Couch Gag: A large Polaroid photo drops onto the couch and develops into a picture of the family.
Principal Skinner refers to Operation: Grand S.L.A.A.M. Goldfinger, the character from the classic James Bond film also uses the same name (Operation Grand SLAM) for his plan to rob Fort Knox.
Lisa references clothing manufacturer Oshkosh B'Gosh when requesting a makeover. The Olsen twins – the one-time child actresses who now have their own fashion line as they approach adulthood – are also referenced in the makeover scenes.
Protest signs/slogans spoofed include: "Give Peace a Chance" (The episode includes a song titled, "Give P.E. a Chance"); "What Would Jesus Do?" (A protest sign reads, "What would Jesus glue?") and "The Chicago Seven" (Some protesters hold pickets reading "Free the Kickball 9").
Martin: You won't have Martin Prince to kick around anymore!
Martin's declaration upon his resignation, and the "V" for victory sign he flashes as he rides out of the gymnasium (littered with damaged casino games) references Richard Nixon's statement after his resignation and the sign he gave upon leaving the White House.
Skinner: Hello, Lisa. We were just discussing Vasco da Gama.
Vasco da Gama was the Portuguese sea captain who commanded the first fleet to sail around Africa to India. His voyage in the late 1490s made possible an all-water trade route to the Far East from Europe, making Portugal one of the most important sea-trading nations of the time.
Skinner: "It'll be just like Harry Potter, without the magic and wonder."
Harry Potter is a popular kid's book series about a boy who goes to a school for young wizards.
Nelson: (singing) "I am Iron Man, nuna nuna nuna nuna vote for me!"
This is the tune and a play on the lyrics for the song "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath.
Caption: On the advice of our lawyers, we swear we have never heard of a musical based on the life of Eva Perón.
Despite the caption at the end of the episode, the whole episode is a variation of the musical (and later 1996 film) based on the life of Eva Perón.
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