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Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
Martin Prince, Sherri, Terri and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
Music from this episode
"Island in the Sun" by Weezer
"Rock the Boat" by Hues Corporation
"Alone Again (Naturally)" by Gilbert O'Sullivan
The instrumental hymn in the first segment was also used as background music in the episode "Bart vs. Thanksgiving."
On the Mayflower Ned Flanders refers to the colonists as "Puritans." This is incorrect, as the Mayflower colonists were referred to as "Pilgrims." While both Pilgrims and Puritans were separatists, who wished to purify the Church of England, they founded two different colonies: The Pilgrims establishing Plymouth and the Puritans, the Massachusetts Bay colony which included Boston and Salem.
Homer: Well, I guess we have time for my tale of moist adventure. It takes place in a dark time for mankind, when madness and ignorance ruled: the 1970s.
Ned Flandish: Hey, I just thought of a name for where we're going: New England!
Willy: Oh, that's real creative! What do you call your foot, new hand?
Ned Flandish: At least I'm pitching.
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh Lord! Thank you for this generous rain and abundant lighting.
(Rev. Lovejoy gets shocked by lighting)
Rev. Lovejoy: Obviously kissing your ass is getting me nowhere.
(the Bounty appears beside the upside Neptune, with the crew as skeletons)
Bart: You guys know the way to Tahiti?
Dolph: Way to go, genius! You sailed into someone else's tale of the sea.
Bart: At least I'm not gay for skeleton Kearney.
Kearney: Our ribs got tangled seventy-five years ago. That's not gay!
Bart: Right, you keep believing that.
Mr. Burns: Welcome to the maiden voyage of The Neptune, the worlds most unflippable luxury liner. Help yourselves to some pineapple upside-down cake and apple turnovers. And you'll all be getting free hats, so make sure to give us your cap-size. (Turns the free hat upside down as he says "cap-size")
Homer: Buh-bye, buh-bye! Thanks for staying with us. We appreciate you putting cloth over our women's boobies. You'll receive an updated bill after you leave. Buh-bye!
Sea Captain: Here's your bill, and will there be anything else?
Lisa: We haven't gotten our food yet!
Sea Captain: I'll look into it.
(Homer and Marge are in the crow's nest kissing when Homer sees land.)
Homer: Land Ho!
Marge: What did you call me?
Bart: Aw, when we landed I was gonna denounce my sister as a witch.
Lisa: I keep telling you, the ability to add two digit numbers is not witchcraft!
Bart: 31 plus 43?
Puritans: Witch! Witch! Witch!
Homer: People, please! We can burn the witch later. Right now, I got a ship to save. But first, I have to go to the bathroom. Who's going to help me?
(everyone looks at Smithers)
Smithers: They're looking at me because I have the key to the stockade.
Marge: Homer, I can't believe I was thinking of letting you touch my elbow through a cloth.
Homer: But baby, a man has needs!
Homer: Beer? I thought you guys didn't drink on the "Gayflower".
Moe: Stop calling it that!
Moe: Oh my God! Look at that hand on hand action! If I don't do something, soon they'll be exchanging pleasantries!
Marge: (to Homer) Yes, the weather is fair.
Moe: Man, that guy sends my humors from sanguine to bilious. That's how we talk. Weird, huh?
Homer: Aah, listen… since all the other fun stuff is out of bounds, how 'bout a little bible-thumping in the crows nest? What do you say Miss….
Marge: Constance Prudence Chastity Goodfaith.
Marge: My friends call me Marge.
Marge: Marge Obedience Temperance Sex-won't.
Homer: What kind of a booze cruise is this? Where's the hooch?
Ned: We puritans have no place for drunkenness. Or colorful clothes, or dreaming, or poetry. So if you write a sonnet, keep it under your bonnet! Be…. Oh no! That was a poem! (whips himself on the back) Forgive me Lord! And pour a little salt on the wounds… (pours salt) And I'm good.
Homer: Out of my way, you God fearing, buckle-heads!
Marge: Hurry my little puritans. We must flee England and its insufficiently puritanical ways! Do you have your shipboard entertainments?
Bart: I've got my toy wood lump! (kicks it around) What jolly fun!
Sea Captain: Until then perhaps an old sea yarn might pass the time. (pauses for a moment) Too bad I don't know any.
Lisa: I know one! About the most important sea voyage in American History; The Journey of the Mayflower.
Sea Captain: Ah, yes. The ship that brought prostitutes to America.
Lisa: Not prostitutes, Protestants!
Sea Captain: Now who's being naive?
Sea Captain: Meahwhile, I can send a bus boy out to get you something from a better restaurant.
Marge: Red Lobster?
Sea Captain: Not that good.
Ned Flandish: Great Chief Wig-Gum, we could never have survived our first year in the new world without you. I almost regret what we Europeans are going to do to you.
Chief Wig-Gum: What, what are you going to do?
Ned Flandish: Ooh give you the biggest slice of pumpkin pie! Also we're going to take your land and wipe you out. Who wants whipped topping?
Homer: I'm so bored that I figured out where the wallpaper pattern repeats. See it goes ship's wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat, fish with boobs and back to ship's wheel.
Lisa: What about this swordfish?
Homer: Oh my life's work ruined!
Homer: She is going to marry him because he wears boots instead of blackening his shoes. (cries)
Bart: Well I'm sure the way to win her heart is to be fat and crying.
Homer: Why thee little! (chokes Bart)
(Marge looks at Homer and he stops choking Bart)
Marge: Oh, don't stop, you're choking him just like his father did (looking at a picture of her old husband choking Bart) Good times.
Moe: Back off newbie! We're engaged. I didn't kill her husband just so… I mean I didn't kill her husband!
Willy: I have warned you captain, push this crew too far and there will be mutiny.
Skinner: Mutiny? On a bounty? What have you been smoking?
Skinner: Besides that.
(Homer is praying)
Lisa: Mother, we must protect him. Look he is praying.
Homer: (praying) Oh Lord, please let the soldiers kill this family instead of me.
(when talking to the cake in his hand)
Homer: Quick climb into my mouth.
Blackboard Joke: None.
Couch Gag: The living room is an almost fully assembled jigsaw puzzle, with only the pieces with the family members heads needing to placed. The person completing the puzzle places all the heads on correctly except for Homer and Maggie. He then swaps it, and says "heh, heh, heh."
Master and Commander: This 2003 film is referenced by the cello-violin duet music played at the beginning of the second segment.
Lisa: (singing) I think we're heading for disaster...
Lisa's song is a parody of the Oscar® winning song "The Morning After" from the 1972 film The Poseidon Adventure.
Pirates Of The Carribean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl
The ship of Bart and his crew being shown as skeletons refers to this 2003 film.
The Poseidon Adventure:
Homer's 1970's Neptune story is directly based on the 1972 film The Poseidon Adventure and it's two recent remakes. Captain Burns also makes a comment about being safe from various types of natural disasters (a popular theme for movies in the 70's). Neptune is the Roman name of the God of the sea; Poseidon is the Greek name of the same deity.
The dolls Comic Book Guy pours water on represent the main characters of this television series, as well as his describing them as "Angels."
Bart's comment about reading Mutiny on the Bounty in "some boring comic book" refers to the Classics Illustrated series of comics, which translated classic novels into graphic novel format.
The Albatross guiding the Mayflower in the first act is a reference to the idyll "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, in which an albatross guides a ship lost in the southern hemisphere, until it is killed, and then everything else goes wrong for the crew.
The Greatest Story Ever Told
The title of this episode is a play on the title of the 1965 film, The Greatest Story Ever Told.
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