Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
When Homer daydreams about his funeral in The Graveyard of the Future, a tombstone with the name Tamzarian on it can be seen. Tamzarian being Principal Skinnner's "real" last name from episode 9-2, "The Principal and the Pauper."
Music From This Episode
"Oh, Yeah" by Yello (Used by KBBL's Bill and Marty during their "Newsflush" segment.)
(The Simpsons are watching the news)
Kent Brockman: In other news, Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor of all time is apparently still inventing, despite the notable handicap of being dead.
Homer: That's my Tommy!
Kent Brockman: Two new Edison creations have just been discovered in his museum. A six legged chair that won't tip over and even more astounding, an electric hammer.
Marge:(To Homer) That was your idea!
Kent Brockman: This brilliant innovation is expected to generate millions for Edison's already wealthy heirs.
Lisa: Dad, those should be your millions!
Bart: I gotta admit, Homer. You're taking this pretty well.
(Homer is sitting in his reclining toilet chair)
Homer: (Through gritted teeth) Let's just say I'm sitting in the right chair.
(At the Edison Museum)
Tour Guide:(Pointing to a roped off door) Now behind that door is Edison's actual preserved brain.
Tour Group: Ooh.
Tour Guide: Ordinarily folks, tour groups are not allowed to see it. (He unhooks the the rope) And of course, today will be no exception.
(He rehooks the rope)
Tour Group: Aww.
(Homer is trying to come up with ideas for inventions)
Marge: Something electrical might be good.
Homer: Wha-eh-heh. Let me handle the creative end of this, Marge. You don't understand how the creative mind works like I do.
Homer:(Gesturing to his work space) You look at this table and what do you see? Just a table. Now a creative person like me looks at this table and sees all kinds of creative things. But no tables.
Marge: Homer, that's not a table. That's our dryer.
Homer: (Shrieks) My files!
(Homer demonstrates his make-up gun on Marge.)
Lisa: Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Homer: Women will like what I tell them to like.
Marge: (to Homer) I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.
(A depressed Homer eats from a bag of flour.)
Marge: Oh, honey. Don't eat that--wouldn't you rather have your sugar bag?
(Homer realizes that Thomas Edison has already invented safety legs for the back of a chair.)
Homer: (Shouting) Aww, damn it!
(Bart comes running down the basement stairs.)
Bart: Hey Dad, heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap!
Homer: I thought I had a great idea, I must have seen it on this poster.
(Bart studies Homer's Thomas Edison invention chart.)
Bart: If Edison thought of that chair, how come it's not on this chart?
Homer: It's not? Maybe he never told anyone about it. (Points at Edison poster.) That chair might be the only one he made.
Homer: So, we've got to go to the Edison Museum and smash it! Then I'll be an inventor!
Bart: But I thought you loved Edison.
Homer: Aw, to hell with him.
Bart: Yeah! Hell, damn, fart!
(Homer shows off one of his inventions.)
Homer: Now, here's my everything's okay alarm!
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: (Shouting) This will sound--
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: --every three seconds--
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: --unless something isn't okay!
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Marge: (Shouting) Turn that off, Homer!
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: (Shouting) It can't be turned off!
(Alarm beeps loudly, then weakly and dies.)
Homer: But it, uh, does break easily.
(Homer seeks some invention advice from Professor Frink.)
Homer: (Whining) Look, I just wanna know how to invent things. Tell me.
Professor Frink: Ehh, all you have to do is think of things that people need, but which don't exist yet.
Homer: You mean like an electric blanket mobile?
Professor Frink: Yeah, well, uh, possibly. Or you could take something that already exists and find a new use for it. Like--
Homer: Hamburger earmuffs!
Professor Frink: Uh, well, I suppose that would qualify.
Homer: Thanks! Sucker!
(Homer rushes away)
Professor Frink: (Gasps) Alright, just stay calm, Frinky. (Opens a refrigerator and pulls out some hamburger earmuffs.) These babies will be in the stores while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix. Hoyvin, glavin!
(Homer seeks some inventing help from Bart and Lisa.)
Homer: As long as you're here annoying me, let's have a brainstorming session. Here's how it works: Lisa you say one thing and, Bart you say another. Just toss out things and I'll use my inventive mind to combine them into a brilliant, original idea.
Lisa: Okay. Um... automatic--
Homer: (Jots down idea) Okay.
Homer: (Jots down idea) Hmm-mmm. Wait a minute! These aren't exciting new products!
(Homer makes a bold declaration.)
Homer: No more lousy pajamas! (Throws his pajamas out the bedroom window.) From this day forward, I am an inventor!
(A man walking his dog happens by on the sidewalk below.)
Man: Do us a favor, invent yourself some underpants!
(At the school library.)
Bart: Dad, what are you doing here?
Homer: Reading about this Edison character. They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some... unpleasantness. I can never go back.
(More from the school library.)
Homer: And these Hardy Boys books are great too! This one's about smugglers.
Bart: They're all about smugglers.
Homer: No, not this one. (Looks at book cover) The Smugglers of Pirate Cove. It's about pirates.
(The movie reel the family watches to cheer up Homer suddenly burns up.)
Homer: Stupid movie! Who invented these dumb things anyway? Was it you, Bart?
Lisa: It was Thomas Edison, Dad.
Bart: I thought he invented the light bulb.
Lisa: That, too. He also invented the phonograph, the microphone, and the electric car.
Homer: One man can't do all that. You're a liar, honey, a dirty rotten liar.
Grampa: Finish her! Finish her!
Lisa: It's true. I read it on a place mat at a restaurant.
Homer: Really? A restaurant? Well, now I don't know what to think.
Homer: I've wasted half my life, Marge. Do you know how many memories I have? Three! Standing in line for a movie, having a key made, and sitting here talking to you. 38 years and that's all I have to show for it!
Marge: You're 39.
(Homer daydreams about his funeral in the future. Ned presides over the service, Lenny is the President of the United States and classic cartoon birds Heckel and Jeckel attend.)
Ned: No, Homer wasn't a great man, nor even an adequate man. And he certainly never accomplished anything. President Lenny, do you have anything to say?
Ned: Alright fair enough, toss him in the hole, boys.
(A dump truck dumps Homer and a large pile of dirt into a grave, leaving Homer's feet sticking out of the ground.)
Heckel: There goes a real sack of crap!
Jeckel: Indubitably, old chum!
(Homer stops his car in the middle of the highway and starts talking into a roadside emergency phone after hearing some depressing news on the radio.)
Homer: Marge, I've wasted half my life!
Operator: Sir, do you need a tow truck?
Homer: What are you talking about Marge? I don't need a--
(Another car crashes into his car.)
Homer: Okay, send the truck.
(In the basement, Homer smokes a cigar and tries to come with some inventions.)
Lisa: You started smoking, Dad?
Homer: Yes, Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.
(Bart holds up Homer's empty invention notepad.)
Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff, too.
Homer: Shut up.
(Heard on the news.)
Kent Brockman: Authorities say the phony pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.
(The family tries to cheer Homer up by showing him a movie reel of his greatest accomplishments.)
(Homer is shown in outer space.)
Lisa: There you are in outer space. That's pretty impressive.
Homer: Eh, all we did was grow some space tomatoes and sabotage Mir.
(Homer is shown being pummeled by Drederick Tatum.)
Bart: 'Member when you almost became heavyweight champ?
Homer: (Puzzled) Nooo.
The Thomas Edison museum Bart and Homer visit really does exist. The museum in this episode is modeled after the actual Edison National Historic Site located in West Orange, New Jersey.
Blackboard Joke: I will not file frivolous lawsuits.
Couch Gag: The living room is now a theater with all the secondary characters on the show. The family members take their seats on the couch and Homer eats from Comic Book Guy's tub of popcorn.
The broadcast of this episode and the rerun from the previous week, both featured a clip of The Simpsons production staff receiving their Emmy for their work in the 9th season. Mike Scully was the member of the production staff that accepted the award.
A Child's Garden of Verses
The title of one of the Thomas Edison books that Homer checks out at the library is called, A Child's Garden Of Edison. This is a parody of A Child's Garden Of Verses, a book of poetry by Robert Louis Stevenson.
The title of this episode is a play on one Thomas Edison's nickname, "The Wizard of Menlo Park."
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