The Simpsons Season 8 Episode 1

(From "The Genesis Tub")
Principal Skinner: This mini universe you've created is even more impressive then Martin's milk carton ukulele.
(Shot of Martin in background in a grass skirt playing the ukulele.)

(From "The Thing and I")
Dr Hibbert: That means the evil twin is and always has been...Bart.
(They all turn around and stare at Bart.)
Bart: Oh, don't look so shocked.

Kang: (as Dole) We must go forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

Kang: It's a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!
Man: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man 2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.

Homer: Ah… The old fishin' hole. So peaceful and relaxing, doesn't even matter if I catch a single fish… come on, you stupid fish! Take the bait! Don't make me come down there!!!

Leader: Welcome to our world, most gracious Lisa.
Lisa: Your world is incredible. And you speak English.
Leader: We have listened to you speak since the dawn of time, O Creator. And we have learned to imatoot you exarktly.

Homer: We think we saw Hugo at the airport; he was boarding a plane to Switzerland and… (sees Hugo) Oh.

Lisa: What's up there?
Bart: Is it a monster?
Lisa: We have to know.
Bart: Tell us what's the secret.
Homer: No more questions. I work my butt off to feed you four kids and all you do is--
(Marge stares at Homer.)
Homer: What?
Marge: Three, we have three children!
Homer: Yeah, three nosy kids. And you know what happens to nosy kids who ask too many questions?
Bart/Lisa: (talking quickly) No, what? Does something happen? Does something happen to nosy kids who ask questions? What happens?

Kent: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kang: (as Dole) It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole.

Homer: Oh my God, space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

Bart: Your micro-jerks attacked me!
Lisa: Well, you practically destroyed their whole world.
Bart: You can't protect them every second. Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down, and then flush! It's toilet time for Tinytown!

Lisa: Oh my God! I've created life!
Marge: (from downstairs) Lisa, breakfast! We're having waffles!
Lisa: Ooh, waffles.

Bart: You're crazy!
Hugo: Am I? Well, perhaps we're all a little crazy. I know I am. I went mad after they tore us apart, but I'll be sane… once I sew us back together.
Bart: But you'll kill both of us.
Hugo: No, it's easy. Look, I've been practicing: I made a pigeon-rat.

Bart: Did you guys hear something moving around in the attic last night?
Homer: Attic? Oh, that's silly. Seriously though, don't ever go up there.

Kang: (as Dole) Fooling these Earth voters is easier than expected.
Kodos: (as Clinton) Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by an occasional saxophone solo or infant kiss.

Kang: (as Bob Dole) Abortions for all!
(Crowd boos)
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
(Crowd boos again)
Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
(Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags.)

Homer: Oh, no! Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies! Oh my God! Lyndon LaRouche was right!

Homer: (Gulps) I suppose you want to probe me. Well, might as well get it over with. (Starts to unzip his pants)
Kang: Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.

Lisa: Wait, one of them is nailing something to the door of the cathedral. (Gasps) I've created Lutherans!

Lisa: Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food. But I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!

Homer: We'll search out every place a sick twisted solitary misfit might run to.
Lisa: I'll start with Radio Shack.

Dr. Hibbert: But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town. The child was an outcast. So, we did the only humane thing.
Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.
Marge: It's saved our marriage.

Lisa: (Upon waking up and seeing her tooth.) Mold! That's science project paydirt!

(From The Thing and I)
Dr. Hibbert: You never forget the birth of Siamese twins!
Lisa: I believe they prefer to be called "Conjoined twins."
Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies want to be called "Sons of the Soil," but it ain't gonna happen. (Laughs)

Kang: (as Clinton) I am Clin-ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal command. End communication. (crosses arms)

Homer: What are you spraying me with?
Kodos: Rum! So no one will believe your story.

Clinton Aide: (closely resembling George Stephanopoulos) People are becoming a bit confused by the way you and your opponent are… well… constantly holding hands.
Kang: (as Dole) We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.

Marge: (on phone, gravely) Yes, Doctor, it's what we've always feared -- it's loose. Hugo is loose. (cheerfully) See you soon!

Bob Dole: (captive on the alien saucer) I am so mad at the Secret Service right now.

(From "The Genesis Tub")
Lisa: Oh, great. I'm stuck in this lousy tub for the rest of my life.
(People stare at her)
Lisa: Shouldn't you people be groveling?
(Everyone starts groveling)
Lisa: And bring me some shoes. Nice ones.
Man: She'll want socks, too. I'll get socks.