The State: We've come up with a great new idea. "MTV's Sleep-with-the-State Essay Contest." Well actually, the fatasses in the legal department won't let us call it a contest, so we're calling it a concept.
James Dixon Power Priest: You can't bargain with God. But you can bargain with me, and I can bargain with God.
Athletic shoe commercial voice-over: Isn't it about time your shoes made sounds like a piggy from the heel when you step down on them?
Mr Airhart: You mean you believe eveything our nine year-old son tells you?
Agent Phillips: Well we were sceptical about the Tooth Fairy, but he put a tooth under his pillow, there was a quarter there the next morning...it all checked out.
Agent Thompson: (Flashing a quarter in an evidence bag) Roger.
Dr. Krank: First I lure monkeys into my apartment with bananas, then they fall through a trapdoor into my secret lair, where they undergo extensive....monkey torture.
Barry Lutz: The rack, bamboo shoots -
Dr. Krank: No, no. It's psychological torture.
Barry Lutz: I understand you've had a lot of trouble getting funding lately.
Dr. Krank: Recently, yes. Yes, this country is full of what I call "bleeding-heart" liberals, who I guess are turned off by the idea of torturing monkeys for no good reason. All I can say is, (sarcastically) sorry. I'm the bad guy.
Policeman: You tell that woman pretending to be pregnant that you don't care if she pretends to live or die.
Happy Burger employee: (Bitterly sarcastic) Awww. Poor little Carl, with the puppy dog eyes. We wouldn't want him to do his job. (Carl continues to stare vacantly into space) You're pissing the customer off!