The Suite Life of Zack & Cody Season 2 Episode 11

(Janice and Jessica knock on the door)
Cody: Irma used to knock just like that! (falls on ground) Irma!!
Zack: This time he didn't even make it to the couch.

(About going out with the twins)
Cody: (to Zack) No, and because you're going to ask again, no...again!

Zack: So! Who's up for some video games?
Janice: How can you play video games when your brother is in pain?!
Jessica: Cody needs comforting, and we're here for him! (She kisses Cody)
Janice: We think it's wonderful when boys show their emotions! (She kisses Cody)
Jessica: Only a real man is not afraid to cry!
Zack: Well, I'm not afraid to cry! I cry at puppies and rainbows... oh, and I watch the women's channel all the time. When Rachel broke up with Guillermo for the one legged tennis player, oh, I blubbered like a baby! I need a moment! (pretends to sob silently)

Dirk: Look, you don't have to say anything. I mean... I'm no Kirk. I'm not handsome, I'm not charming, I'm not funny, feel free to disagree.
Maddie: (laughs) Hey, that was kinda funny.
Dirk: So you think there's still a chance for me?
Maddie: Of course. Look, you're obviously very smart. And you know more about bodily secretions than any boy I have ever met. Some day, you're going to make a great doctor.
Dirk: Oh, I don't want to be a doctor! I wanna be a male model! (strikes a pose)
Maddie: Really?
Dirk: Gotcha!
Maddie: (chuckles) See? You're not so bad once you loosen up.
Dirk: Thanks, Maddie. You're awesome.
Maddie: I know.

Cody: I miss Irma!
Jessica: I miss Troy!
Janice: I miss Ronald!
Zack: So everyone having a good time?
(Cody, Jessica and Janice start crying and Zack glares at Cody)

Cody: No! She was a person! Zack just said it was a gerbil because he didn't want me to ruin his date!
Jessica and Janice: Aww!!

Jessica: You know Cody, it's bad to keep things bottled up inside!
Janice: Bad, really!
Jessica: Really bad!
Zack: (in a British accent) Oh, not really!

Zack: We had some wild times also! Haven't we Codester?
Cody: NO!

Dirk: Did you know? That 80 hairs fall off your head a day?
London: Can we not talk about hair... unless it's mine?
Dirk: Sure. We can talk about skin. Did you know that most of the dust under your bed is mostly dead skin?

Cody: I'm not ready!
Zack: I understand. Only time can mend a broken heart.
Cody: Thank you!
Zack: You got 5 minutes. Because that's when Jessica and Janice are coming for out date!

Carey: Zack you are very insensitive to your brother! You shouldn't be using him for your own selfish schedule! (Turns to Cody) Don't forget to pre-soak!

Carey: Cody, do you want to take a break?
Cody: No....cleaning takes my mind off....Irma!
Carey: Oh okay...the bathroom is a good place!

Zack: There are always fish in the seas!
Cody: (Starts Crying) I don't want a fish! I want Irma!

Cody: Mom I can't decide what to wear!
Carey: Here's a thought. How about some pants!

Jessica: There, there sweetie cry on my shoulder.
(Cody goes to her shoulder pouting)
Janice: No he wants to cry on my shoulder.
(Janice brings Cody to her shoulder)
Jessica: Well he has two eyes doesn't he.
(Jessica brings Cody back to her shoulder)

Zack: Wait! Wait! Look! I'm an emotional wreck, see?
(Zack picks up a drink and splashes it on his face)
Zack: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow, that was soda! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hey look, real tears!
(Zack starts walking but he runs into the door and falls backwards onto the floor)

Mr. Moseby: Hope you gentlemen are enjoying your steaks!
Abner: We're not having steak, no, we're having seafood!
Mr. Moseby: Seafood?
Dabney: See...
Abner: food!
(The two start laughing)

Maddie: (To Dirk) The steak is really great here.
Dirk: Did you know that it takes three hours for meat to move through your intestines so the bile can churn up the gastric acid?
Maddie: I think I'll have a salad.
Dirk: Did you know--
Everyone in the restaurant: Don't care!

London: Ok, so Kirk and I sit here and you guys sit way over there! (London pushes Maddie and Dirk to the other side of the table) Maddie: So Dirk, do you uh have any hobbies? Dirk: Taxidermy! I like to stuff dead things! Maddie: Who...doesn't...?

Cody: I dunno. Maybe you're right.
Zack: Maybe? These girls have British accents! Even when they dump you it'll sound great!
(Cody gives Zack a look)
Zack: Which they won't because you're one terrific guy!

Zack: (To Cody) Dude! Look at you! The suite is clean but you're a mess! You need to get back out there. But you might wanna take off the apron first.

(Zack comes in the door from school and is about to set his backpack down on the table)
Cody: Hey! I just polished that table!
(Zack starts walking but he slips and falls backwards onto the floor)
Cody: Oh, and I waxed the floor.

London: Kirk, tell Maddie you came over here to ask me out!
Kirk: Actually, I just came over here for another chocolate bar.

Zack: So how about I show you one of Boston's most elegant restaurants? Ever had a 7 meat pizza?
Jessica: That sounds intriguing! Or disgusting...
Zack: It's both! So, how about it?
Jessica: Thanks! But, I don't go anywhere without my sister, Janice.
Zack: No problem. I'll take my vitamins!

(Kirk walks up to Maddie's candy counter)
Kirk: Excuse me? Can I get a chocolate bar please?
Maddie: (sighs and tries to look good to impress Kirk) You can have anything you want!
Kirk: I'll have a chocolate bar please.
Maddie: (laughs)You're a man with a purpose. I like that. So, are you a twin?
Kirk: Yeah. Are you?
Maddie: No. My parents are old fashioned. They like to make 'em one at a time!

Abner: This hotel is boring! Dabney: Yeah! Abner: Hey Dab! Dabney: What? Abner: Go long! Dabney: Ok! (Abner throws an apple and Dabney moves forward in his wheelchair) Dabney: I got it! I got it! (Dabney catches the apple) Dabney: Touch down! (Dabney's wheelchair collides into the table holding the expensive vase on the top of it and the vase falls over and is about to roll on the ground and break) Mr. Moseby: Oh! (Mr. Moseby dives on the ground and catches the vase) Dabney: Great toss Ab! (The two do Zack and Cody's "handshake" and then wheel away) Dabney: Look out! Coming through! Abner: Dab, old man! You're slowing me down! Bob: Man! Who do those guys remind me of? Zack: Got me!

(London walks into a guy named Kirk)
London and Kirk: Sorry, excuse me!
(London and Kirk try to walk in opposite directions but bump into each other again)
London and Kirk: Sorry, excuse me!
(They do the same thing again)
London and Kirk: Ehehe...
Kirk: You go right, I'll go left.
London: Which way's my right?
(Kirk faces London's direction)
Kirk: I write with my right hand, this one!
(They still walk into each other again)
London and Kirk: Ehehe....
Mr. Moseby: You two are the perfect couple!

Zack: Ooh! Look at that cute girl over there!
(Zack turns around)
Zack: And there she is again! One for each of us!

Mr. Moseby: We happen to be having a twin's convention this week and I want you to make yourselves scarce!
Zack: But we're twins! You can't keep us from our peeps!
(Two older twin guys walk up and Zack and Cody peace them out. The two older twin guys also do what Zack and Cody did.)

Bob: Irma told Kim, who told Phill, who told Ashley, who told Brenda, who told Dylan, who told Cole, who told me ... it's over.

Zack: And then when I was back they were crying in their pizza! Carey: Well I'm sorry but you got what you deserve! Zack: Is there no shoulder for me to cry on? Carey: You pushed your brother into dating again, its going to be a while until he is comfortable around girls again! (Cody comes in with Jessica and Janice) Jessica: See you tomorrow at breakfast! Janice: Remember, tea and scones! (Kiss Goodbye) Cody: Pip-pip! Cheerio! Ta-ta! Peace out!! Yesss!!! Thanks Zack. If it wasn't for you, I would of never gone out there and started dating again! Instead I'd be all alone and sad. (Starts singing the British national anthem) Carey: (Whistles with Cody) Sorry..

Maddie: He wanted me to help him land on another girl!
London: What a jerk!
Maddie: Yeah, it was you!
London: Well....at least he's got good taste.

(Talking to Cody) Jessica: You could always get a new gerbil! Janice: This time, get two just in case!

London: Aren't you the one who said that you can't judge a book by its cover?
Maddie: Yea, yea!
London: Aren't you the one who said that if you dig deep, deep, you can find something good?
Maddie: Yea, yea!
London: Aren't you the one who said....
Maddie: Yea, yea! I'm the one!

London: I'm London - like the city.
Kirk: I'm Kirk - like the captain.
London: Well, captain, I'd love to stay and talk, but I have to have a facial for my "fashe." Face. Feel free to watch me leave.

Kirk: (To London and Maddie about his smart twin) Here he is!
London: Where is he? Is he behind the funny looking guy!?
(London looks behind the funny looking guy)
Kirk: He is the funny looking guy!
Dirk: Thanks.

Cody: I am not dating again. It's too soon!
Zack: It's been a whole hour! How much time do you need!?
Carey: Until he's done with the bathroom.

Zack: (To Bob about Irma breaking up with Cody) I've gotta break it to him gently.
(Cody walks out of his room)
Zack: Hey Cody! Welcome to the club!
Cody: What club?
Zack: The guys who aren't dating Irma club.
Bob: That's you're idea of gentle!?
Zack: Hey at least I didn't kick him!

Maddie: This isn't fair. Why do I get the goofus twin?
London: You picked him.
Maddie: Before I saw him.
London: He's not that bad.
Maddie: His shirt was sticking out of his fly!
London: Maybe that's the style now.
Maddie: Yeah... in Goofusville!

Zack: So, is everybody having fun?
(The twins and Cody starts crying)

Zack: You're the bounce-back kid!
Cody: I'm the bounce-back kid!
Zack: You're going out tonight!
Cody: I'm going out tonight!
Zack: You're going to have fun!
Cody: I'm going to have fun!
(The twins knock on the door)
Zack: That's the girls.
Cody: Irma used to knock just like that. IRMA!
(Cody falls to the floor crying)
Zack: Wow, this time he didn't even make it to the couch.

Zack: They're twins! Gorgeous twins! On vacation! What they do in Boston stays in Boston!

Kirk: Hey, girls, you look great.
London & Maddie: Thanks!
Kirk: Wow, you are really good at that.

London: Table for 4, please. (gives Mr. Moseby money)
Mr. Moseby: Oh, I see why Patrick drives a foreign sports car.
Maddie: Moseby, where's Patrick?
Mr. Moseby: He crashed his foreign sports car.
London: Why isn't Rich filling in for him?
Mr. Moseby: Rich is the one he crashed into.
Maddie: But what about Garry?
Mr. Moseby: Garry got hit by the ambulance. This way.

Cody: What part of not going don't you understand?
Zack: The "not" part.

Jessica: Excuse me, did you happen to see someone who looks exactly like me?
Zack: Yeah. Last night. In my dreams.
Bob: Last night, I dreamt I was being devoured by ferocious hamsters. Turns out it was just my little brother nibbling on my toes.
(Zack & Jessica stare at him)
Bob: Okay, ciao! (leaves)
Zack: (to Jessica) I just met him.

London: Moseby, something's wrong! I'm seeing double!
Mr. Moseby: We're having a twin convention. Everyone here is a twin, like Zack and Cody.
London: Zack and Cody are twins? Since when?
Mr. Moseby: Oh, about 6 months ago.
London: Ooh, we should tell them about the convention!

Dirk: There's this girl I met tonight that I would really like a second chance with. Do you think she might be interested?
Maddie: She might be.
Dirk: Good because I'm nuts about London. Can you go distract Kirk so I can ask her out? I think she's really hot. And I like 'em dumb and rich.
Maddie: Well I know London likes them rude and soggy!
(Maddie pours water all over Dirk)
Maddie: Did you know... you're soaking wet!

Zack: Okay, buddy, this was a tough break, but there are lots of fish in the sea.
Cody: (crying) I don't want a fish. I want Irma!
Zack: Come on, with whiskers like those, she looks like a catfish.
(Bob & Zack start laughing)

Dirk: Did you know, it takes six bags of cow manure to grow one bag of potatoes?
Maddie: Can we please talk about something that doesn't make me... I dunno gag!
Dirk: Actually, gagging is good. It heaves up all the mucus that's just caked with bacteria.
(Dirk scratches his back with his fork and then starts eating with it)
Maddie: London! May I have a word with you please?!
(Maddie grabs London and drags her out of the main area of the restaurant)
Maddie: This is the worst... oh! (There is a piece of spaghetti dangling from London's chin and Maddie pulls it off and drops it on the floor) This is the worst date of my life! I'm leaving!
London: You can't! Look, he's not that bad!
Maddie: He scratched his back with his fork! And then he used it!

Bob: Actually, I'm here because Cody doesn't have a date. Irma postponed it.
Zack: Till when?
Bob: Well, when I say postponed, I mean dumped.

Cody: Irma's my girlfriend.
Jessica & Janice: You were dating a gerbil!? Well, to each is own. Strange country, America.

Bob: I love visiting you guys. The doorman always calls me "sir."
Zack: I hope you don't mind, but I'll still call you Sir Doofus.

(Maddie and London are talking to two twins and they are explaining that they are fraternal which is why they don't look alike)
Dirk: We're fraternal twins.
London: No you're not. You don't look anything alike!
Dirk: That's what fraternal means!
London: Ooh he is the smart one!
(London pushes Maddie into Dirk)
London: Have fun!

Cody: Hey, Mom, what do you think of this outfit? Does this shirt go with these pants? Who am I kidding, this doesn't match. I have to change. Thanks, Mom. (leaves)
Carey: I'm here to help.

Cody: I already have a girl. Beautiful Irma.
Zack: Your beautiful Irma happens to have more hair on her upper lip than you do.
Cody: It's an unfortunate series of moles.
Zack: No, it's hair.
Cody: Moles!
Zack: Hair!
Cody: Moles!
Zack: Hair!
Cody: Moles!
Zack: Hairy moles!
(Cody pushes Zack into Mr. Moseby, causing him to fall)

Cody: (looking at other twins in the lobby) Wow, so this is what we look like to other people. It's kinda creepy!
Mr. Moseby: You have no idea.

Maddie & London: There he is! That's your cute guy?! That's my cute guy! Tell her!
Kirk: Wow did you guys rehearse?

Cody: (reading sign) "The Tipton welcomes twins."
Zack: Well, well, well. Nice to see we're finally being appreciated around here.
Cody: What would really make us feel welcome is unlimited movies and deserts.
Zack: Ooh, and a room with a hot tub wouldn't be bad either.
Mr. Moseby: You know what would be better? You two moving to Guatemala.

Zack: What a loser.
Carey: Well, Zack, the truth is, one of you has a date tonight while the other is watching "World's Funniest Truck Collisions".
Zack: Hello? World's Funniest!
(Cody runs outside of his room with no pants on)
Zack: World's funniest until I saw that.
Cody: I can't decide what to wear.
Carey: Here's a thought. How about some pants?