Seth Wescott with the U.S. Olympic Snowboarding Team opened the show.
Leno: Not a lot of African-Americans on the Winter Olympics.
Kevin: Nah, nah, no...
Leno: In fact, I think "Friends" had more African-Americans than the Winter Olympics.
Kevin: Na-ahh! No they didn't.
Leno: Last night at the Olympics, I had the premiere of a new event called "border cross" -- border cross. I figure if ever there's an event where Mexico's going to win the gold, this should be it.
Leno: There's a new comic book coming out where batman goes after Osama Bin Laden. You thought radical Muslims hated cartoons before.
Leno: According to government auditors, a lot of people in New Orleans spent their Hurricane Katrina debit card money on things like lap dances, liquor, tattoos, and condoms. And the rest of the money they just wasted.
Leno: Now what Cheney was doing is not hunting. Because what, he sits in a car, somebody drives around the car until they find the thing they're gonna shoot at. Then they shoot at it, and they drive away. Maybe in Texas that's hunting. In L.A., That's called a drive-by.
Leno: He (The man Cheney Shot) is a 78-year-old multimillionaire lawyer from Texas. Or as Anna Nicole Smith calls them, the bachelor.