Jay: Man it's getting crazy. What is it? Four bucks a gallon now… but it looks like some help might be on the way. They announced opening a suicide hotline for SUV owners.
Jay: Republicans in Congress are demanding that President Bush investigate whether the oil companies are gouging consumers on these gas prices. That's a good idea. Republicans asking Republicans to investigate other Republicans.
Jay: Hillary Clinton said this week that she is in favor of building a fence between the U.S. And Mexico. Actually, what she said was she'd like to make the existing hole in the fence smaller so only the skinny girls can get through.
Jay: In his latest audiotape, Osama Bin Laden says the bush administration is evil, it's made excuses -- made up excuses to attack Iraq and is obsessed with Middle Eastern oil. If Osama Bin Laden keeps talking like that, he could wind up the Democratic front-runner.
Jay: The government says they're cracking down on companies that hire illegal immigrants. Today, the head of Wal-Mart called this the darkest day in American history.
Jay: See this man taken to the emergency room had 12 nails embedded in his skull from a nail gun? Shot himself 12 times in the head with a nail gun. Apparently he's trying to put together a coffee table from IKEA.
Jay: According to a German health research firm, up to 70% of Germans say they are depressed. Yeah. And they also found one of best things for depression is going for a long walk. That's got to make Poland a little nervous, don't you think?
Jay: Britney Spears' husband, Kevin Federline, said in an interview that he likes to play his new rap CD for their baby. You know what that means, another visit from the child protection people.