Jay Leno: (Speaking of the State of the Union speech) Did you notice, a lot of Republican Congressmen were not applauding President Bush. It's hard when you're wearing handcuffs.
Jay Leno: One of the big topics tonight of the [State of the Union] speech was all the new jobs that have been created. A lot of new jobs have been created. I mean, they're all in India.
Jay Leno: [President Bush] explained that this is a wonderful, prosperous time for the united states, that things are going very well for Americans -- with the possible exception of those few people who don't own an oil company.
Jay Leno: Exxon recorded the largest profit ever for an American company in one year, $36 billion. And that's just from the mini marts.
Jay Leno: President Bush is now urging all nations to cut off aid to Hamas and Palestine, including the $234 million we were gonna send them. In fact, to make sure the money never gets there, he's putting FEMA in charge.
Jay Leno: Do you know that in china, long distance train -- train passengers sometimes wear adult diapers because there's no access to bathrooms on the trains? Let's just hope Southwest Airlines never hears about this.