Jay uses a 800 number (800-HOT-GIRL) in the monologue segment -- this was beeped out, but it was shown on the closed caption.
Ryan Seacrest made a special appearance during Simon's interview.
Jay: President Bush talked to the nation -- talked to the nation tonight in a primetime address earlier this evening. Which is a refreshing change, Americans listening to the president as opposed to the president listening to Americans.
He also said if the guards meet with any resistance, they have orders to shoot on the spot, any Wal-Mart executives that interfere. Take 'em down.
If you're worried about the government monitoring your phone calls, do what I do, get Cingular, okay? I can't even monitor my own calls. "Hello, yeah, no, I lost you! Hello, are you there?"
The British Dental Association announced this week there's a dentist shortage in England. Which is not surprising. I'm surprised there is a British Dental Association.
Happy birthday to Tori Spelling. 33 years old today. I believe she's 33, her nose is 10, her breasts are 5.