Haley: Hey, uh, didn't you, uh, what I mean is... Didn't you go out on that bus?
Ross: I did indeed. Oh, yes, I went out on that bus. And you know something? That bridge wasn't safe. It collapsed. The state police car, the bus, everything--kerplunk--right into the river. It was a terrible scene. No one got out.
Haley: (incredulous) Except you.
Ross: Except me. Lucky, I guess, huh?
Haley: Very lucky. But... but...
Ross: But what?
Haley: You're not even wet.
Ross: Wet? What's "wet"?
Haley: What do you mean "what's wet"? You landed in the river but you're clothes are all dry.
Ross: An illusion, that's all. Just an illusion. Like that jukebox playing in the corner. That's an illusion, too.
(the jukebox stops playing) Or that telephone ringing. (the phone rings) That's an illusion. Just a parlor trick.
Haley: What are ya, some kind of magician?
(a third arm emerges from under the businessman's coat. He's uses it to help light a cigarette)
Ross: Who, me? Oh, hardly. Now, uh, before you, uh, faint dead away, I ought to explain that the name isn't really Ross. And I wasn't really going to Boston. No, I was sent as a kind of advanced scout. You know these, uh, cigarettes, do you call them? They taste wonderful. We haven't got a thing like this on Mars. That's, incidentally, where I come from. We're beginning to colonize. My friends will be arriving very shortly. I think they're going to like it here. Lovely area, so... so remote, so pleasant, so off-the-beaten track. Just the perfect spot for a colony, don't you think, Mr. Haley? While we're waiting, how about a little what you call music?
Haley: I don't mind. I have to do a little waiting myself. You see, Mr. Ross, my name isn't Haley. And I do agree with you, this is an extraordinary place to colonize. We folks on Venus had the same idea. We got it several years ago. And I think I really ought to tell you now that your friends are not coming. They've been intercepted. Oh, a colony is coming. But it's from Venus. And if you're still alive, I think you'll see how we differ. (removes his hat revealing a third eye) And I agree with you about what they call music. Why don't you play some?
(the counterman bursts out laughing)
Narrator: Incident on a small island, to be believed or disbelieved. However, if a sour-faced dandy named Ross or a big, good-natured counterman who handles a spatula as if he'd been born with one in his mouth, if either of these two entities walks onto your premises, you'd better hold their hands - all three of them - or check the color of their eyes - all three of them. The gentleman in question might try to pull you into... the Twilight Zone.
Narrator: Wintry February night, the present. Order of events: a phone call from a frightened woman notating the arrival of an unidentified flying object, and the check-out you've just witnessed with two state troopers verifying the event, but with nothing more enlightening to add beyond evidence of some tracks leading across the highway to a diner. You've heard of trying to find a needle in a haystack? Well, stay with us now and you'll be a part of an investigating team whose mission is not to find that proverbial needle, no, their task is even harder. They've got to find a Martian in a diner, and in just a moment you'll search with them, because you've just landed in the Twilight Zone.
Included on volume 41 of Image-Entertainment's DVD collection.
The story was rewritten from an earlier script by Serling called "The Night of the Big Rain". Originally, after the rewrite, it was titled "Nobody Here but Us Martians".
Fantasy author Ray Bradbury (one of Serling's favorites) gets another in-joke reference when Avery mentions that the whole thing is like a "Bradbury story."
The bus is labeled "Cayuga Bus Co.," the name of Twilight Zone's production company.
The old man jokes about the situation the people are in being like a Ray Bradbury novel. Bradbury was known for writing science fiction novels, one of which was Fahrenheit 451.
Title: "Will the Real _____ Please Stand Up?"
Actually, both this episode and the rap single take their title from the famous tag line of the game show To Tell The Truth, where the host asks the actual person being talked about to reveal themselves (while the two "impostors" remain seated).
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