What exactly constitutes a "bad day" on The Vampire Diaries? Toward the end of "What Lies Beneath" Damon smooshed Elena's face, mashed his mouth onto hers, and then said he'd deserved it after the day he'd had. But to me this day didn't seem any worse than any other day we've witnessed on this show? These characters are all living a nonstop nightmare from which they can never wake. As much as this show wants us to believe that time passes in between episodes, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Every passing day brings another wizard attack or mass murder or funeral. Good days just straight up don't exist in Mystic Falls, you know? Seriously, off the top of your head can you think of a single "good day" for any of these characters that wasn't somehow plunged into a hell-abyss of bad times? Let me know! So yeah, I'm pretty sure that wasn't the best excuse to make out with an ex, but sometimes any excuse will do. Fair enough. Treat yourself!
Anyway, as far as bad days go, the one that transpired in "What Lies Beneath" was at least a pretty fun one FOR US. A handsome sassy ghost burned down a barn, vampires played charades, gypsies had a slumber party in a cave, a handsome witch wore a very nice sweater, and a vampire-werewolf had his abs licked by a stranger. This episode was entertaining, is what I'm trying to say. Let's talk about it!
It was clear right away that the Travelers were bored. After singing "La Vie Boheme" for the hundredth time they'd taken to setting up accent lights on mannequins and spreading more chandeliers about the room. And also licking the abs of strangers:
This was the wife of the Traveler who was living inside Tyler. It's obvious that the Travelers have weird sex lives because she was totally cool with sleeping with a stranger's body, which, fine. It is not for us to judge the sexual habits of homeless witches. But of course she was getting too carried away feelin' on Tyler's titties to notice that this was Tyler and not her husband in control. Luckily Tyler played it off very well:
But then he wolfed out and escaped!
Haha I know always harp on this, but here is why wolf-werewolves are so dumb. It was very fearsome and scary when we saw Tyler's shadow turning into a huge beast. But then a dog ran out? And just FYI the dog only ran up to the camera and swallowed it, I guess, because the lady ended up being totally fine later. Yeah, I seriously don't get the werewolves in this universe but it's much too late to care about that now.
Meanwhile a trio of hunks were chilling in their brown house throwing ice cubes and doing magic and bickering.
Luke was officially trying to help them (1) locate Markos and (b) do a protection spell of some kind. But hey, I specifically requested to see Luke do magic and he did! That was fun. Not the fun kind of magic that Liv has gotten to do, like throwing Elena across wood shops or whatever, but I'll take it. Also, that is a very good sweater, sorry, but it's true and you know it. An A+ sweater.
So because these teens are great at brainstorming, they decided to go take a trip to Caroline's dead gay dad's cabin so that Markos couldn't find them. Luke was going to cloak them I guess, but what nobody factored in was that Stefan's accidental murder of Enzo was going to have consequences. First and foremost, it was going to make Stefan and Elena super guilty about things.
And that secret they harbored would make it look like they were having a secret sexual liaison.
And also Enzo's ghost was creepin' on everybody. You'd think he would have gotten what he'd wanted by framing Stefan for murder, but as we would learn later that was a major NBD situation with Damon, so clearly Enzo was already onto Plan B: Being a ghost dick.
Meanwhile Damon had noticed Elena was acting weird whenever he brought up Enzo's mysterious 'disappearance' and she was doing an expert job of playing it off:
Haha seriously. She got quiet, he asked her what was up, and she legit said she was thinking about going out and chopping wood. A PERFECT SAVE, in other words.
Meanwhile Jeremy and Bonnie were having a "date weekend" in the empty dorms but were having a hard time taking their shirts off.
Bonnie was STILL lying to him about the major possibility that she would be dying soon, which you would think would cause her to act very YOLO but meanwhile she and Jeremy still had their shirts on? It was a baffling situation, so a ghost showed up to set her straight:
Jasmine Guy was sick and tired of Bonnie not telling Jeremy that she might die. Also Jasmine Guy knocked over Bonnie's best lamp that she bought at Ross and it turned out ghosts could handle physical objects now. Just in time for Enzo to go all Beetlejuice on the rest of the gang!
Meanwhile Caroline and Damon both suspected something was up with Elena and Stefan, but their opinions differed about what exactly it was:
Yeah it was clear by now (if it wasn't already) that Caroline <3s Stefan SO MUCH. Meanwhile Damon was no dummy and was pretty sure that Stefan and Elena were not secretly making out, they were probably conspiring about Enzo or whatever. Damon might not be able to tell Katherine or Elena apart, but he's not a TOTAL dummy.
So then Tyler chained himself up and told his bros to torture the Traveler inside of him to get all the scoops.
Matt and Jeremy were BOUT IT. Bonnie sat in the other room pouting about it, but whatever. This was not her business, it was bro-siness.
Oh man, how sad was it that Luke had to sit outside on the porch all night doing magic by himself while all the other people were inside having fun? What gay guy can't relate to this? A poignant metaphor indeed.
"Skull and crossbones."
Nevermind, to be honest the game did not seem very fun and Luke was probably better off. For example, look how much shade was being thrown at Elena during her turn:
But come on, she was kinda bringing it on herself:
To her credit, Caroline was hiding her contempt VERY well:
At this point Damon and Caroline forced Elena and Stefan to play "Never Have I Ever" mostly as a tactic to get them to admit they were either hooking up or had murdered Enzo. They both denied both things and then Elena ran upstairs to do a quick riff on Lady MacBeth.
I loved loved loved when Enzo turned into a horror villain all of the sudden by appearing in the mirror behind her, but then I laughed when it became clear he was standing in the shower. Guy, you are invisible, don't worry about hiding in the shower. Anyway, then Elena tried to take a nap in the bathtub and then this happened:
It was actually very scary! I love when this show goes full-on horror, and this was a good example of that. But it also stressed me out to see how much water Elena kicked out of the bathtub and onto those wood floors. That could really damage the hardwood!
At this point she just straight-up came clean about Enzo. And meanwhile Stefan accidentally spilled the beans in front of Caroline, so now everybody knew. The joke was that both Damon and Caroline were more bummed about being left out of the loop than they were mad about the murder. So again, one more example of keeping secrets being a majorly bad idea.
Meanwhile Luke disappeared!
Which meant that they were no longer protected by magic!
Whoops. Guys, run. RUN.
Or, you know, talk about your feelings in the woods.
At this point Caroline VERY HEAVILY implied to Elena that she was jealous of her relationship with Stefan, but of course Elena was 100% oblivious and Caroline dropped it. Besties 4 eva!
Meanwhile Jeremy and Bonnie decided to find the real body of the dude who was inside Tyler, I guess because they could slap him awake and Tyler would be Tyler again? I don't know.
And guess what? All the Travelers were asleep in that cave set that TVD hasn't been able to use since Season 4!
Unfortunately after spending too long looking at the Travelers' tattoos and also flirting, Jeremy and Bonnie got straight clowned by the one Traveler wife lady.
Then she scooped up her husband and took off. Better luck next time, guys.
Fortunately Stefan and Damon located Luke! Enzo had taken him and tied him up, but fortunately Luke's face and sweater were unharmed. But it was all a gasoline-soaked trap, because then Enzo did THIS:
And then he started staking everybody!
Even though there was no real communication possible between them, only log stabbings, Damon did some quick thinking and promised Enzo's ghost that he could resurrect him.
It was a fair promise because as Damon pointed out, several characters had returned from the dead over the years, so this was very feasible. Also we are savvy about storytelling and we know that the crumbling Other Side will result in resurrections, no duh. Anyway, Enzo was sold and he allowed the bros to escape the burning barn. Phew!
Then there was a scene between Stefan and Luke that basically had a hidden subtitle that said 'PLEASE SHIP THESE TWO' because it was so cute. Like, sorry, when you're 170+ years old, you are bicurious at the very least. Stefan and Luke are endgame, get used to it!
Anyways, then Stefan kinda-sorta started apologizing to Damon for murdering Enzo and keeping it a secret, so Damon punched him in the nose and then said he was over it.
Meanwhile Tyler was having memory flashbacks of someone else's memories! It could only mean one thing:
He'd been perma-Traveler'd! Just like Elena had with Katherine. So, uh, okay. Tyler is now more of a jerk than usual. What's next?
This was a cute scene: Caroline was staring at the burning barn and Stefan came over to also stare at the burning barn and they both talked around the obvious:
He'd lied to her about Enzo because he didn't want her to think badly of him. That was honestly the only excuse worth a dang, and she knew it, and it totally worked. But unless he's a dunce he's got to know she's totally crushin' on him right? I think he knows. And it sorta seems like he's into it too. I truly don't know how I feel about these two becoming a thing, but I just hope it keeps going super slow like this. EARN IT, show. (Good job so far.)
And then this happened. Backslide City!
YUP. Damon and Elena kissed because it was the only way they could sort out their feelings. Then the Travelers showed up and grabbed Elena. One doppelganger down! Guys, do I need to talk more about that Delena kiss? (Or the fact that Caroline actually used the word "Stelena" at one point?) I don't feel like it. The love triangle will be the death of this season. But you know what is redeeming it? The horror, the suspense, LUKE. Things like that. I feel like maybe more could have happened in this episode considering there are only two left of the season, but I was never bored. The horror movie elements were terrific (seriously, put teens out in the dark woods and I'm happy) and I'm still pretty interested in the villains, so that's a good sign. But man oh man, do i want to take a nap during the romance scenes. My heart is trash and should be fought over by seagulls, I know this, but I'm just being honest. Anyway, next week Liv tries to murder everybody, so there's no way I won't love that. MEET ME THEN!
... Does Elena seem very good at charades?
... Was Caroline sadder about her crush or being in her dead dad's house?
... How often does Jasmine Guy creep on Bonnie and Jeremy's sexy times?
... What is Luke and Stefan's shipper name?
AIRED ON 4/29/2016
Season 7 : Episode 20
AIRS ON 5/6/2016
Season 7 : Episode 21