The Venture Brothers Season 1 Episode 6

Dean: You scheme was very clever, very clever indeed, but he's no ghost!
Pirate Captain: Oh ya think genius? What tipped you off - was it the huge zipper, maybe the rubber mask? But you had to kill him anyways. If you'd played by the rules - the ghost pirate rules - and just run away, none of this would be happening! But nooo, you had to go nuts and kill a guy!

Pirate Captain: What kind of "expert bodyguard" ties men up with big bows?

Mass. Pirate: We need that key to stash your boat, Mr. Big Stuff - let's have it.
Brock: It's up my ass.
Pirate #1: Are you serious?
Brock: Why don't you check?
Pirate #1: Well? Check!
Mass. Pirate: But what if he's lying?
Pirate #1: If he were telling the truth, that would be better?!?

Dr. Orpheus: Do you have a pen, Hank?
Hank: To use as a magic wand?
Dr. Orpheus: To use..as a pen, Hank.

Dr. Venture: I just learned that giant clams don't like the taste of exploding robot legs.

Dr. Venture: Oh yeah, I lost my locator, and yes I realize the irony of that

Pirate Leader: Your insolence will not be tolerated... uh, again. Hey is that guy dead?
Brock: Yeah, probably
Pirate Leader: Oh, c'mon was that necessary? Really!

Brock: Hank, if there was ever a time in your life I needed you not to be Hank, it's now.
Hank: Uh, sorry, Brock.

Brock is chained up, and talking to Hank through his communicator watch
Brock: After the twist, you'll hear a snap. Then the body goes ragdoll on ya.
Hank: And that will knock him out...even more?
Brock: That'll kill him
Hank: Do I have to?
Brock: Alright fine, crybaby. Just tie him up and, maybe I guess gag him. But at the first sign of trouble I want you to at least break both his knees.

Dean: Dad is super serious all of a sudden. Do you really think he's in as much danger as he says he is?
Brock: Oh yeah, he's screwed. I give him about an hour before he panics and begs for us to haul him up.
Dr. Venture: Okay guys, I can hear all this!

Pirate Captain: So where is this 'Brock' guy?
Dean: He's..hiding..and..waiting to save me!...with...guys. (grins)
Pirate Captain: You're..not a very good liar, Dean, are ya?
Dean: Mayyyybe!

Dr. Orpheus: Hank? Are you sure it isn't a guy in a rubber mask messing with you?

Brock: Hey, Captain, I've got your key. Hope you're hungry, because I'm going to feed it to you.

Mrs. Tom: Tom, it's your wife, sweety. You're dead now – it's time to go.

Brock: Focus, Hank! Whatever you do, don't light a cigarette. A good sniper can see a hot cherry for miles.
Hank: Brock, I don't smoke!
Brock: Good. Now's a lousy time to start.

(as Brock bests up the fake ghost pirate)
Pirate 1: Oh crap, he's getting his ass kicked, let's go save him!
Pirate 2: You crazy? My sword's made of cardboard.