If you watched this week's episode of The Walking Dead, you know that it included one of the best zombie slaughters of all time. It was also so dense and went by so fast that you might not've had time to fully enjoy it or to make a game out of it. Let's revisit the glorious murder of all those undead monsters by looking at every single zombie kill from the most gruesome scene in "Isolation," counting the individual kills, and declaring a winner.
But first, let's set the stage. Things were going pretty smoothly as Daryl, Michonne, Bob, and Tyreese set out in search of medicine at a veterinarian hospital.
Some awkward jamz meant it was time to change the radio station and Daryl couldn't help himself with a little junior-high humor.
Then the ghost of Lori possessed Daryl and forced him to look away from the road and he almost crashed into a bunch of zombies! But because he's Daryl and not Lori, he didn't flip the car and kill everyone. Lori would have. But maybe he should've killed everyone because they were in deep doo-doo. In front of them were 1,000,000,000 zombies! I counted.
Daryl punched it in reverse but it was too late and he ended up in a six-zombie pileup and the car got stuck on a pile of squirmy corpses. Look at the splatter jetting out the back! I have been watching this GIF for 17 hours straight.
Hey, that reminds me of a joke. What do you call a zombie that's stuck under a car? Jack! Hahaha feel free to use that one at your local open mic. With nowhere to go, it was fight or get eaten and the group unanimously chose "fight," kicking off one of greatest zombie slaughters ever televised. But only one person can be crowned Number One Zombie Killer of the Day, and we have the technology to figure out who is the most deserving. First, let's introduce the contestants:
Okay, enough chatter! Let's get to the fight! Ready, begin!
Daryl took an early lead with a crossbow shot. Then Michonne put all that time she spent playing Fruit Ninja to good use and racked up three quick kills.
Michonne 3, Daryl 1. Daryl earned some style points with his throwing knife. Too bad we're not counting style points.
Then he pulled the throwing knife out of that zombie's head and put it right back into another zombie's head! How resourceful!
Daryl 3, Michonne 3. Daryl, maybe get a bigger knife next time? Or at least some gloves? One more, right in a zombie's eye-hole.
Daryl 4, Michonne 3.
Bob finally got in on the action and took out some biters with a gun thanks to whatever virus has infected all living people and given them the ability to be incredibly accurate with firearms.
Daryl 4, Michonne 3, Bob 1. But where was Tyreese? Why hasn't he scored yet? Because he was still in the car.
Some people are just slow starters. Meanwhile, Michonne and Daryl were still fighting for first place.
That's two more for Michonne, and while I'd love to give Daryl credit for that crossbow-whip in the foreground, we need definitive kills here! Michonne 5, Daryl 4, Bob 1.
Then Daryl and Bob each added one more kill:
That's Michonne and Daryl tied for 5, Bob with 2, and Tyreese still at a big, fat zero because he was still listening to Milli Vanilli.
Daryl jumped into the lead again:
Daryl 7, Michonne 5, Bob 2. Make that Bob 3!
Make that 4!
And then it happened. Tyreese got out of the car and went on a mission.
Tyreese was on the board! Daryl 7, Michonne 5, Bob 4, Tyreese 1. And then Tyreese kinda went nuts.
I slowed down his killing spree just for you:
Take it easy on the shoulder, Tyreese! That put Tyreese at 9 kills, and he jumped into the lead! Tyrese 9, Daryl 7, Michonne 5, Bob 4. Add another for Daryl:
And two more for Tyrese:
Updated score: Tyrese 11, Daryl 8, Michonne stuck at 5, Bob 4. Daryl, Michonne, and Bob decided to bounce, leaving Tyreese and his hammer to find their own way out. And after a quick commercial break, the cowardly trio got one more kill each:
Tyrese 11, Daryl 9, Michonne 6, Bob 5. It was close! But then some zombies came out of the woods and...
Tyreese killed one of them! Tyreese 12, Daryl 9, Michonne 6, Bob 5. Add one final kill for Michonne with a well-placed poke...
And the final scores were Tyreese 12, Daryl 9, Michonne 7, and Bob 5. Congratulation to Tyreese!
Pick up your prize of four beheaded, half-eaten rat bodies at the fence outside the prison. Thanks for playing! Why can't The Walking Dead just be this for an hour every week?
AIRED ON 3/29/2015
Season 5 : Episode 16