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The War at Home

Season 1 Episode 3

High Crimes

0
Aired Sunday 7:30 PM Sep 25, 2005 on FOX

Trivia

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  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Larry: Hey, Kenny, if I show you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?
      (Cut scene)
      Kenny: If you show me yours, I'll show you mine.

    • Vicky: Oprah's full of crap! (Slams shut the book she was reading) The only way she could have finished this book was if it was a piece of cheesecake.

    • Dave: Hey, sweetie. How's my favorite daughter?
      Hillary: Yeah. Anyways, I'm going to Brenda's in a little while, and I'm gonna need a ride home.
      Dave: Okay. Um, um, what time do you need to be picked up?
      Hillary: I'd say around... (Flips Dave off with both hands)
      Dave: 11. Okie dokie.

    • Dave: If you haven't been getting high, then how come you've been so easy to get along lately?
      Hillary: Because, I've been making an effort! I can't believe you guys. You guys don't think that I can be nice unless I'm high? Well, screw you guys!
      Dave: Aha! There's the Hillary we know and love.

    • Dave: (Arrives home) Hey, team.
      Larry: Hey, dad. How was the concert?
      Dave: It was awesome.
      Hillary: Where's mom?
      Dave: Oh, crap! (Leaves)

    • Dave: It's true. Parents that use drugs have kids that use drugs. So there's an important lesson here. Don't have kids.

    • Vicky: So, you're sneaking around smoking without me? What is that all about?
      Dave: If you really want to know, sweetie, I... you know, it's just, you're not as much fun high as you think you are.
      Vicky: What do you mean?
      Dave: You act kind of annoying.
      Vicky: Annoying? How?
      Dave: How can I put this delicately? I don't know, you just, you never shut up, and you act like a total idiot.

    • Dave: Vicky! Vicky!
      Vicky: What? What?
      Dave: What happened to our stash?
      Vicky: Our stash? Since when do we have a stash?
      Dave: You know...
      Vicky: No. I thought we decided to be more responsible, and you were gonna get rid of the pot.
      Dave: I am getting rid of it. Little by little.
      Vicky: So, you still smoke?
      Dave: Not really.
      Vicky: How long has this been going on?
      Dave: Not long.
      Vicky: How often are you doing it?
      Dave: Not a lot.
      Vicky: And more importantly, why are you doing it without me?
      Dave: Not really.
      Vicky: You didn't answer my question.
      Dave: Not gonna.

    • Dave: Great news, sweetie. Hillary's still a virgin.
      Vicky: Good to know. I'll add that to the holiday newsletter.

    • Vicky: Why do you think Hillary's having sex?
      Dave: Think about it. It totally explains why she's been so happy and easy to get along with lately. I told you not to question it. Don't poke the bear.
      Dave: Yeah, well, somebody's poking somebody!

    • Vicky: Why do you think Hillary's having sex?
      Dave: Think about it. It totally explains why she's been so happy and easy to get along with lately. I told you not to question it. Don't poke the bear.
      Dave: Yeah, well, somebody's poking somebody!

    • Larry: Well, I'm trying out for the part of Buffalo Bill. And I'm gonna get it. When everyone sees me on that stage, dancing and singing, they're gonna know how cool I am.
      Kenny: I think that's awesome. But are you sure other people will? I mean, a lot of the guys in the drama department are gay. Are you?
      Larry: No! And why are you always asking me that?

    • Hillary: Hey, daddy.
      Dave: Eh, don't "Hi, daddy" me. Let's just cut to the chase here. What are you looking for, huh? New clothes? What, do you want a tattoo? You gonna pierce something? 'Cause I'm gonna tell you right now, as long as you live in this house, the only holes you're gonna have are the ones you were born with.

    • Vicky: Hey, Mike, honey, I told my mom you'd spend the day with her on Sunday.
      Mike: Grandma Betty? I don't want to hang with her. She's old, and she smells funny.
      Dave: Hey, hey, hey. She's your grandmother, all right? And she won't be around forever.
      Mike: I know, so I should enjoy her while I can.
      Dave: No, I was gonna say you won't have to deal with her much longer, but that's true, too.

    • Vicky: This book sucks.
      Dave: You know what I do with books that suck? I wait for them to come out as movies that suck.
      Vicky: Unfortunately, I have to read this. It's for my stupid book club.
      Dave: If it's stupid, why do you go?
      Vicky: I like to tell people I'm in a book club.

    • Dave: When I was a kid growing up, my father's philosophy was "Do as I say, not as I do." Well, when I became a parent, I swore I would do better with my kids. So my philosophy is, "Do as I say - not as I hope you don't know I do."

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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