The War at Home

Season 1 Episode 14

How Do You Spell Relief?

Aired Sunday 7:30 PM Feb 28, 2006 on FOX
out of 10
User Rating
48 votes

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Episode Summary

How Do You Spell Relief?
Dave suspects Hillary is pregnant when he finds a pregnancy test in the trash. However, he soon learns that a depressed, jobless Vicky has not been taking the pill. So, Dave insists and helps Vicky with various job opportunities, but with no results, since he is opposed to having another kid. Mike, meanwhile, becomes too lazy and buys Hillary's old book reports when she had good grades, and Larry gets himself into a spelling bee competition.moreless

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    Nikki Soohoo

    Nikki Soohoo

    Sue Ling

    Guest Star

    Nate Reese

    Nate Reese


    Guest Star

    Lorna Scott

    Lorna Scott

    Mrs. Scheffler

    Guest Star

    Tom McGowan

    Tom McGowan


    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (17)

      • Mike: (reading the book report) "Are you there, God? It's me Margaret."
        Mike's Teacher: Go on.
        Mike: "As a 13-year-old girl who just got her first period, I feel related to this book..."
        Mike's Teacher: Continue!
        Mike: "I remember becoming a woman like it was yesterday..."

      • Mike: What's the catch?
        Hillary: Hey, I'm your sister. Can't I just be nice?
        Mike: Oh, thanks!
        (cut scene)
        Hillary: First one's always free, then you got them hooked!

      • Larry: What's up with the "we" stuff?
        Dave: I'm gonna train you!
        Vicky: Wait... you're gonna train him?! Can you even spell?

      • Vicky: Come, honey, and hang out with your mother!
        Mike: No, I have... school... work. You know, book reports...
        Vicky: Let me help! I've read all of Hillary's book reports. Let me read yours!
        Mike: No, no. Once you read one, you've read them all.

      • Sue: Hey, is your dad putting a lot of pressure on you? I know how you feel. My mom's going to kill me if I don't win this thing.
        Larry: Oh, I'm sure she won't.
        Sue: Yeah, probably. But if she doesn't, do you want to go out sometime? You're kinda cute.
        (cut scene)
        Larry: Intercourse. I-N-T-E-R-C-O-U-R-S-E. Intercourse.

      • (after the Spelling Bee is over)
        Larry: Uh, congratulations. So, how about we go out and celebrate your victory, huh?
        Sue: I don't think so. I have a boyfriend.
        (cut scene)
        Larry: B-I-T-C-H.

      • Vicky: You want me to be a surrogate? You won't let anyone touch your golf clubs and you want to rent out my uterus? Thanks a lot, Dave.
        Dave: No, no, don't thank me. Thank Joe. It was his stupid idea.
        Vicky: What the hell are you talking to Joe about this for? My most personal, intimate, private issues.
        Dave: It wasn't just Joe. I talked to a lot of people at work about this.

      • Dave: Pressure? No, pressure's good, okay? When Superman wants to make a diamond, he takes a piece of coal and squeezes it. And he squeezes the hell out of it, okay? And that's what I'm going to do to you, Larry.
        Larry: Uh, Dad, I don't think that's going to turn me into a diamond. I just... I just think it's going to make blood come out of my mouth.

      • Dave: Well, sweetie, what do you want to do?
        Vicky: I told you. I want to be a mother.
        Dave: (grabs family picture) Congratulations! It's a girl and two boys. Go mother them.

      • Larry: Hey, uh, Dad... um, I heard what you said the other day, and I decided to get involved in an activity at school. Can you sign this permission slip?
        Dave: Yeah. This is great! What's it for? Basketball... football... tennis? (reads permission slip) The spelling bee?

      • (Vicky kisses Dave)
        Dave: Whoa. What was that about?
        Vicky: I'm just really in the mood.
        (cut scene)
        Dave: Sorry, don't have time to say anything. I've got to take care of business.
        (cut scene ends)
        Dave: Baby, uh...
        Vicky: Yeah?
        Dave: Don't you think we should take some precautions?
        Vicky: Yeah, yeah... I'm good to go.
        Dave: Okay. Good. Come here. Hey, uh, what exactly does that mean, you know, "good to go"?
        Vicky: It means, don't worry about it.
        Dave: Come on, baby, we just dodged a bullet. Don't you think we should be more careful before firing the gun again? Well, you know, cannon.

      • Hillary: What's your problem?
        Mike: My stupid book report is due tomorrow, and this book is, like, 300 pages.
        Hillary: Hey, I read this book when I was in your grade.
        Mike: Really? Can you tell me about it?
        Hillary: I can do better than that. I think I still have my book report on it.
        Mike: Oh. No, thanks. I think I can fail on my own.
        Hillary: I'm pretty sure I got a "B" on it.
        Mike: Really? Were you sleeping with your teacher?
        Hillary: No. And if I was, I would've gotten an "A."

      • Dave: Are you, huh? Are you pregnant? Is that what you're telling me? Are you telling me that you're pregnant?
        Vicky: Well, all three times I had to tell you that, I made you a nice meal and got you all liquored up first.
        Dave: Yeah, well, I'm hungry and sober, so...
        Vicky: I'm not pregnant.
        Dave: Thank God! Wait a second. Why would you even think you're pregnant? You're on the pill, right? You are on the pill, aren't you?
        Vicky: Technically, no.
        Dave: Technically? Vicky, come on, I don't want "technically." Okay, we already have three accidents. I mean, Allstate won't even insure that uterus, okay?

      • Dave: Hillary!
        Hillary: What?
        Dave: Come here!
        Hillary: What do you want?
        Dave: What the hell is this?! (holds up pregnancy test box)
        Hillary: A pregnancy test.
        Dave: I know that, but how do you know that?
        Hillary: Because it says "pregnancy test" on it.

      • Dave: Look, I want you to be more competitive. You know, maybe you should think about joining a team. You'll learn important life lessons.
        Larry: Like what? When washing the quarterback's jockstrap, use bleach?

      • (playing Monopoly)
        Larry: Yes! With two houses, you owe me $500.
        Mike: Great. I guess I have to sell a hotel.
        Larry: You can just owe it to me, I guess.
        Dave: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're half-Jewish, half-Italian. Okay, that means you charge him as much as you can, and if he doesn't pay, you break his legs.

      • Dave: Hey.
        Vicky: Hey...
        Dave: How was your day?
        Vicky: It was okay. I ordered this little Hummel figurine from QVC. It's really ugly, but it'll take four to six weeks to get here and I wanted something to look forward to.
        Dave: You know, uh... you're not working. You have the time. Why not go to the gym? You know, they deduct $20 from our bank account each month. Why not stop by and make sure they're still in business?
        Vicky: Great! You think I'm getting fat?

    • NOTES (3)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)