The War at Home

Season 1 Episode 2

I.M. What I.M.

Aired Sunday 7:30 PM Sep 18, 2005 on FOX
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Episode Summary

I.M. What I.M.
Vicky discovers some of Dave's secret instant messages he's been sending to someone with the screenname "Lonely Lady Michigan." She confronts him and compares his cybersex to cheating. He, in turn, accuses her of the same thing because she has been confiding in an ex-boyfriend via e-mail. Hillary, meanwhile, has some problems of her own... it is implied that her boyfriend won't reciprocate sexually. Dave, completely misunderstanding what Hillary tells him, confronts her boyfriend Taye, and tells him that when a woman gives a man a gift, he should give her one in return.moreless

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (16)

    • Fox Executive: (Close-up of a man in a suit and tie) We at the network do not necessarily agree with the views and opinions regarding crossdressers portrayed in this show. (As he walks away, you see that he is wearing women's nylon stockings and high heals instead of pants and shoes)

    • Hillary: Just leave me alone! (Goes upstairs)
      Dave: Fine. Remind me to leave you alone the next time you want your allowance. Or you want a ride somewhere. Or... or you want to go to college. (Pause) You're not listening to me anymore, are you?

    • Vicky: Whoa. Where'd you get the new kicks?
      Mike: Attention, old people. Stop trying to use words you've heard on MTV.

    • Dave: Vicky! Vicky!
      Vicky: If you have something to say... feel free to IM me. I'll be in the "Married But Pissed" chatroom.
      Dave: Technically, Vicky, that chatroom isn't about what you think it is.

    • Vicky: Who is this fun person? Do you know her? Oh, my God! Do I know her?
      Dave: No, no, she's nobody. I don't know her. She's a complete stranger, sweetie. I found her in the "Married But Bored" chatroom.
      Vicky: "Married But Bored"? "Married But Bored"! 'Cause you didn't seem so bored last week when I woke you up in the middle of the night and kept you up for two hours.

    • Vicky: (Hears computer) Hey, what's that?
      Dave: Oh, it must be one of those pop-up things.
      Vicky: Hey, who the hell is Lonely Lady Michigan?
      Dave: Oh, that's that horrible woman Mike was having cyber-sex with. I IM'ed her, and I told her she'd better leave him alone.
      (Computer beeps)
      Vicky: Oh, really? Then why does it say, "Spank my ass, Dave"?

    • Dave: (About Hillary) Hey, hey, hey, let me ask you a question. Uh, what's up with her?
      Taye: You know.
      Dave: No, I don't, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you.
      Taye: Man, she's all in my Kool Aid, thinking I'm gonna holler back 'cause she's flowing all wiggity.
      Dave: All right, well, uh... thanks for clearing that up.

    • Dave: The, uh, new Victoria's Secret catalog. Thought you'd want to check it out.
      Larry: Thanks, dad.
      Dave: Yeah, uh, let me know if you, uh...want to order something. Keep it under 20 bucks.

    • Vicky: So, now Larry's bending over backwards to try and convince me he's not really a cross-dresser.
      Dave: Ah, look, I don't need to picture Larry bending over backwards.

    • Larry: Am I such a loser that my mom can't believe I stole her car, but she can believe I wear women's panties? And what the hell is a leather queen?
      Kenny: How would I know?!

    • Vicky: (About Mike) Why the hell would you buy him expensive, new sneakers? Especially, after what he was doing on the computer? If anything, you should have punished him.
      Dave: First of all, they're performance athletic shoes. Okay, and I took care of the whole computer thing.
      Vicky: How? By buying him a gift? Because Hillary's failing science. Maybe we should get her a car.

    • Vicky: Plus, Bob says, if we're judgemental, it'll only cause Larry more anxiety.
      Dave: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Bob? Bob who?
      Vicky: Bob Tellerino.
      Dave: Bob? Your ex-boyfriend Bob?
      Vicky: Yeah.
      Dave: Since when are you talking to him?
      Vicky: You know, he found me on one of those reunion Web sites, and he sent me a nice e-mail, and now we're back in touch.
      Dave: Yeah, well, why didn't you e-mail him back and say, "I'm married, my husband keeps me very satisfied, and don't ever contact me again"? Huh? Well, maybe I should start e-mailing all the girls I've ever slept with.
      Vicky: I'm sure they'd both be very happy to hear from you.

    • Vicky: (About Larry) Okay, so one time he wore women's clothing.
      Dave: One time we know about.
      Vicky: Remember, last year, he wanted to be a rock star? He quit guitar lessons after two weeks. You know, it's possible that this whole cross-dressing thing is just an experimental phase.
      Dave: Well, why doesn't he just experiment with drugs like every other teenager?

    • Dave: Your daughter's all moody and crying about something.
      Vicky: Hillary's been moody and crying since she was 12. Where have you been?

    • Dave: (Sees Hillary crying on couch) What's wrong, honey?
      Hillary: Nothing!
      Dave: All right, then! (Runs upstairs)

    • Dave: They say necessity is the mother of invention. When I first got a computer, it seemed so complicated. I thought, I'll never figure this thing out. Then I found out there was free pornography out there. I figured it out.

  • NOTES (3)