The X-Files Season 6 Episode 6

Maurice: You've probably convinced yourself you've seen aliens. You know why you think you see the things you do?
Mulder: Because I have seen them?
Maurice: 'Cause you're a lonely man. A lonely man chasing paramasturbatory illusions that you believe will give your life meaning and significance and which your pathetic social maladjustment makes impossible for you to find elsewhere. You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?
Mulder: Paramasturbatory?

Maurice: I locked it. For your protection.
Scully: Stay away from me. Look, I want you to get me out of here. I am quite capable of pulling this trigger.
Maurice: I'm glad to hear it. You may well have to defend yourself against that crazy partner of yours.

Maurice: Hey!
Mulder: Who are you?
Maurice: That's a question I should be asking being this is my house you're standing in. This isn't one of those home invasions, is it?
Mulder: No.
Maurice: Good. Would you like me to show you the door?
Mulder: That's very funny.
Maurice: I wasn't making a joke.
Mulder: Have you looked at the door?
Maurice: Uh-huh, I'm looking at it now.
Mulder: Tell me what you see.
Maurice: I see a door with the lock shot off it. You going to pay for that?
Mulder: That's a door with a brick wall behind it.
Maurice: Okay, sure.

Mulder: I almost gave up on you.
Scully: Sorry. Checkout lines were worse than rush hour on the 95. If I heard "Silent Night" one more time I was going to start taking hostages. What are we doing here?
Mulder: Stakeout.
Scully: On Christmas Eve?
Mulder: It's an important date.
Scully: No kidding.

(Mulder and Scully have just found corpses)
Scully: You know what's weird?
Mulder: What?
Scully: Mulder, she's wearing my outfit.
Mulder: How embarrassing.

Lida: I don't show my hole to just anyone.
Mulder: Then why are you showing it to me?

Scully: Well, why else would you want me out there with you?
Mulder: You didn't want to be there? Well, that's self-righteous and narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?
Scully: No, I mean... maybe I did want to be out there with you.

Scully: Not that my only joy in life is proving you wrong.
Mulder: When have you proved me wrong?

Scully: Mulder...
Mulder: Shh! What was that?
Scully: These are tricks that the mind plays. They are ingrained clichés from a thousand different horror films. When we hear a sound, we get a chill. We-we see a shadow and we allow ourselves to imagine something that an otherwise rational person would discount out of hand. The whole... Mulder...? (follows him up to the second floor) The whole idea of a benevolent entity fits perfectly with what I'm saying. That a spirit would materialize or return for no other purpose than to show itself is silly and ridiculous. I mean, what it really shows is how silly and ridiculous we have become in believing such things. I mean, that... That we can ignore all natural laws about the corporeal body that-that we witness these spirits clad in-in their own shabby outfits with the same old haircuts and hairstyles never aging, never... Never in search of more comfortable surroundings-- it actually ends up saying more about the living than it does about the dead. I mean, Mulder, it doesn't take an advanced degree in psychology to understand the... the unconscious yearnings that these imaginings satisfy. You know, the-the longing for immortality the hope that there is something beyond this mortal coil- that-that we might never be long without our loved ones. I mean, these are powerful, powerful desires. I mean, they're the very essence of what make us human. The very essence of Christmas, actually.
(They both turn as a door creaks as it opens slightly by itself)
Mulder: Tell me you're not afraid.
Scully: All right. I'm afraid... but it's an irrational fear.

Scully: I see. The dark, gothic manor the, uh, omnipresent low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth. Wait... is that a hound I hear baying out on the moors?
Mulder: No. Actually that was a left cheek sneak.