Dr. Susan "If John Edward Can Do It, Then So Can I" Lewis sits stiffly on her usual bench in the 55th Precinct. She'll miss that bench when she crosses back over to ER and has to stand around sobbing for a dead bald man with strange lips. Bosco and Yokas enter, prodding a passel of arrestees so that they'll march right on into the interrogation room, or wherever they put dirty, shifty extras who got paid decent money to shuffle around and let their pupils dilate. "Move faster, or I'll put my foot up your ass," growls Bosco. He manhandles a dude who'd dropped down next to Susan, throwing him in the correct direction. Susan peers warily up at Bosco. He meets her eye. "What?" he asks, defensive. "Any sign of my niece?" she asks nervously, Suzy's stuffed toy sitting next to her on the bench. Bosco shakes his head, allowing her a glimpse of his actual regret at this fact, and then leaves. Susan looks put-off. The credits pounce on this and roll with abandon.
A big lug of an officer named John "Oafish Protector With a Heart of Gold" Sullivan rolls awake to the sound of shattering porcelain. Grabbing his gun from the bedside table, he vows to teach that no-good stinking toilet a lesson. But when he inches out of the bedroom, a female voice calls out an apology. Sully enters the kitchen in shock and discovers the familiar face of Tatiana, his Ukranian bride, who'd fled his life when a crime lord from her country started getting all up in her shit. "I break a dish," she says pleasantly. "I want to surprise you. I was making eggs." Tatiana, for all you ER fans out there, reminds me of a slightly less edgy Randi. She's young and pretty. Sully gapes at her. "I miss you so much," she offers sweetly with a smile. Sully still can't think of anything to say. He looks as if he's searching his mind for the right words, or perhaps asking himself the universal question that so often plagues us all in times of confusion: What Would Cliff Huxtable Do?
Apparently, Cliff Huxtable would cut away to a new scene and throw on a Barenaked Ladies CD. Jimmy "Scorching Hot Hottie With A Heart of Gold" Whatever (Eddie Cibrian, of The Young and the Restless, Sunset Beach, and But I'm a Cheerleader ["and the boy band 3Deep" -- Wing Chun]) plays the song "If I Had a Million Dollars" while he activates the toaster. His son Joey roots around under the bed and finds treasure. I can't actually tell what it is -- it looks metallic and sharp, and I'm hoping it's not a knife because I don't want Jimmy to fail at fatherhood here, since he's going to be fathering a few of my children soon. When the Pop-Tarts bolt out of the toaster, as steaming hot as Jimmy himself, Joey drops whatever he picked up and wriggles out from under the bed so his father can toss him a tart. Ha ha. I said "tart." And I meant it. Cut to a cute scene in which father and son brush their teeth together and sing along, off-key, with the song. Then Joey helps Jimmy find his socks, and finally Jimmy stands and surverys the messy wreck that is his apartment. "Guess what we're doing tonight?" he grins. "Look at that -- we're cleaning this house." Joey cheerfully suggests getting a maid. "What, you think I've got a million dollars?" grins Jimmy.
Bosco sadly hangs up the phone and looks up at Susan, who sits near his desk. Yokas appears and confirms that the New Jersey police department is going to take another crack at locating Joe -- who is both an NJPD officer and Chloe's missing husband, while also a possible clue to Suzy's whereabouts. Bosco nods grimly and bolts out of his chair to go beat the truth, the tar, and the toxic hallucinogens out of some drug addicts. Susan watches him go. "He's wound a little tight," she observes. Yokas sits in the seat Bosco just vacated and says good-naturedly, "Yeah, sometimes." She senses Susan's lack of faith in her partner, and decides to vouch for the goofball. "I got two kids, and if one of them ever goes missing, Bosco's the guy I want looking for them," she says sincerely. Susan absorbs this. Little Suzy's stuffed monkey is sitting between them on the desk, and I find myself more worried about who's giving it a good cuddle than about whether Suzy shows up again. I'm also the person who, after wading to the end of A.I., could think of nothing but who would look after the gravelly-voiced teddy bear who was left alone at the end. I am a pathetic woman.
"She's a good mother," Susan offers. Yokas glances up from her paperwork, surprised but not bothered. "She is," Susan avers. "Drug addiction is a disease. It's recognized as a disease by the American Psychiatric Association." Yokas twitches a trifle. She knows rationalization when she hears it, and it rankles her eyebrows -- look, there goes one of them now, shooting right up toward her hairline. "What about pedophilia? That's recognized as a disease," Yokas points out acerbically. "Want a child molester raising a kid?" Susan loathes the analogy, but Yokas defends it. "I'm not really interested in why somebody hurts a kid," she begins. "I don't care. All I want to do is stop it from happening." Susan claims that Chloe didn't hurt Suzy. Susan evidently didn't hear the terror in that girl's voice on her answering machine. "No," Yokas shoots back, "she lost her." Susan is taken aback, but can't deny it.
The lieutenant interrupts and calls Yokas away. "Anything yet?" he whispers. Yokas exposits that Bosco is "sweating the junkies" -- that's a fun potential euphemism -- in the hope that they'll spill information leading to Suzy's whereabouts; she restates that they're actively trying to find Joe. Yokas thinks the marriage is shaky, and hopes Suzy's disappearance stems from a custody squabble and not something more nefarious. The lieutenant asks how Susan's been holding up. "It's been a bad twenty-four hours," sighs Yokas. "Let's hope it doesn't get any worse," the lieutenant sighs. And a jinx fairy is born.
Bosco screams in the face of a sticky, long-haired junkie who we'll call Chris. As in Robinson. As in Kate Hudson's crusty husband. Bosco shakes Chris and yells that he isn't trying hard enough. "What do you want me to do, Bosco?" Chris whines shrilly. "Want me to make something up? If you want me to, I will -- just tell me what you want to hear!" Bosco frustratedy shouts that he's not looking for false testimony. Chris is jumpy and just wants to please his master and get the hell out of there in time for Happy Hour. "I need to find this girl, all right?" Bosco says levelly, rubbing his forehead as if to massage the impulsive rage away. Chris whimpers truthfully that he doesn't have any information about Suzy. The lieutenant enters to further serve his purely expository purpose; here, he morosely tells Bosco that a detective is on the phone for him. Bosco picks up the call, and slowly, disappointment spreads across his mug.
As Sully approaches the office, he sees Yokas on the steps outside. "Tatiana came back this morning," he shares. Yokas can't hide her surprise. "I wake up, she's making eggs like she never left," marvels Sully. Her story is that she fled Chevchenko -- the Russian villain -- and went to Ithaca, where her father's relatives live. Sully didn't know about them, so he couldn't find Tatiana; she only returned to suss out whether it's safe to bring her son back to NYC. Yokas clearly thinks that Tatiana's full of shit, but she bites her tongue, because Sully has a cute foreign wife and is therefore an object of jealousy for almost every man alive. Why deprive him of that? It's just cruel. Yokas says she's most startled that Tatiana mentioned Chevchenko at all. "Only in passing," Sully admits. "There's a lot of stuff I haven't been able to ask her yet. She just got back this morning." Yokas carefully lies that she's really happy for Sully. Obviously, though, she's troubled for him.
Jimmy sings his way into the firehouse. I love a man with a song in his heart. His co-workers razz him for the cheery mood and the singing. "Can't I be in a good mood?" Jimmy smirks, then admits he's on cloud nine because of his blossoming relationship with Joey. "It was tough at first, but now it's...really good. Yeah, really good," Jimmy grins adorably before taking great pains to swig a Diet Coke. Oh, wow, that seals it. He's perfect: he shares my nectar of choice. The guys just gape at him, and then rib him again for singing off-key. Jimmy responds by warbling even worse.
Bosco skulks toward Susan and Yokas. Susan's Bad News Antenna shoots right up, and she lifts her head to meet Bosco's eye. "I just got a call," he chokes uncomfortably. "There's a girl they want you to identify." He looks away. "She's at the morgue," he finishes. Susan reacts by not reacting. Sherry Stringfield reacts by not acting. She just stares at him without anything going on in her eyes. Yokas lowers her head ruefully as Susan blinks hard and tips her head back, exhaling tensely. We fade to commercial with a lovely view of her neck.
Firehouse. Jimmy is playing gin rummy with the guys, and when the group is polled for a volunteer to rustle up some grub, Jimmy gleefully offers himself, claiming he wants the practice. "Joey's getting tired of my specialties," he explains. "How long does it take to get tired of toast?" teases one of the guys. Jimmy uses this as a springboard for Mr. Mom 101: Getting Day-Old Cheddar Off Your Skillet. He blathers that dishwashing liquids brag that they can cut grease, but they can't chip caked cheese off a pan. His friends look at him like he's just sprouted Mr. Clean on his left shoulder and Betty Crocker on his right, and they're engaging in a wild three-way orgy. Jimmy even starts talking about his struggles with certain persistent stains. Then, he wins the gin game. I want to sit on his lap. Everyone continues staring at him, confused. "What?" he asks. "Grease-cutting detergent?" one guy parrots.