Three's Company Season 1 Episode 1

Jack: Do you mind if I eat in my boots?
Chrissy: I'd rather you eat on the table.

(Jack brings his finished meal to the breakfast table)
Chrissy: This breakfast looks good enough to eat.

Mr. Roper: That party upstairs kept me awake till three o'clock in the morning.
Mrs. Roper: Oh really? I didn't think you could hear it over your snoring.

(Jack is cooking in the kitchen)
Jack: Now for my special touch. I'll need some bread crumbs.
Chrissy: I think I have some in my bed.
Jack: Never mind. I'll make my own.
Chrissy: Well that's silly. Nobody makes breadcrumbs; they just sort of fall off the bread.

Janet: Look, um, Patricia...
Patricia: My friends call me Patti-kins.
Janet: Okay, Patricia. The thing is, well we have a lot of other girls coming to look at the apartment.
Chrissy: We have?
Janet: We better have.

(Chrissy is scraping burnt toast with a knife)
Janet: Oh boy, you really loused up that toast.
Chrissy: It's not my fault; Eleanor didn't leave the recipe.

Chrissy: There's a man in there!
Janet: A what?!
Chrissy: A ma... a man; a guy, asleep in the bathtub.
(Janet goes into the bathroom to check.)
Chrissy: See?
Janet: Yea.
Chrissy: Is he a friend of yours?
Janet: No. I never saw him before.
Chrissy: Maybe he's a burglar.
Janet: Oh sure, he came in to steal the bathtub and fell asleep on the job.

Three's Company Theme Song

Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you.
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his, three's company too.

Come and dance on our floor. Take a step that is new.
We've a lovable space that needs your face, three's company too.

You'll see that life is a ball again and laughter is calling for you.
Down at our rendezvous, three is company, too.

Mrs. Roper: I'm going down to the Regal Begal for some drinks, would you like to join me?
Jack: Well, I've had a long day, not tonight.
Mrs. Roper: Oh, yes, Not Tonight. That should be the title of my autobiography.

(About seeing Jack in the her bath tub)
Janet: This might be a stupid question but...who are you?

Mr. Roper: Alright, which one of us is going to go up and complain?
Mrs. Roper: Well I think it should be the head of the house.
Mr. Roper: (heads for the door) Right.
Mrs. Roper: I'll go as soon as my nails are dry.

Mr. Roper: ...Look what the party did to my ceiling.
Mrs. Roper: Oh that wasn't the party stanley, that was the earthquake.
Mr. Roper: Earthquake?
Mrs. Roper: The big one, don't you remember. Oh, it was thrilling.
Mr. Roper: Thrilling?
Mrs. Roper: Yeah it was the first time our bed moved in years.